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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

On holiday and Annoyed!

348 replies

Mummy322 · 14/02/2023 15:04

First day of holiday today and had an altercation with another guest. I have never had an argument with a stranger before so feeling a little deflated and upset. DH as usual totally dismissed my feelings and told me to just” get over it”. This other guest kept looking over our table disgusted a few times. First I thought my child was being noisy (toddler) so I told him to be quiet which he did, second time he was sucking a slice of lemon which I think is fine as he likes it and she was shouting something in another language with her family and screwing her nose and mouth at my toddler.

I was sitting opposite her on table behind so she was directly in my eyeline. Husband was sitting on the right opposite my son so no one on the seat directly infront of me so I could see her every reaction. I avoided looking at her at this point and just kept interacting with my son. Once we got up to move she was being very obvious by pointing and shouting and her whole family (3 kids and husband) were turning around looking at our table. My DH pretended he didn’t notice this and proceeded walking outside with our son I stayed back to pack his beaker etc. I then asked her if everything okay and if we did something to upset her she started yelling in English now saying it’s bad for the environment to waste food. My son and myself had eaten our food but husband had some left in his plate which she wouldn’t have seen till he got up to leave. I told her it’s not her business and she said I was destroying the planet and should be ashamed! I wish I had asked her what’s worse for the planet having 3 kids or wasting food but I obviously didn’t say it’s not nice. I was really upset and embarrassed as other guests were looking my way.

What would you have done? We have to spend next 6 days here. I’m really annoyed at this woman. It’s a small resort and we can’t go out so I will be bumping into her at every meal time. Only one restaurant here too.

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 14/02/2023 15:27

Ignore her, honestly I would not engage with her at all. She sounds like she is crazy.

Headabovetheparakeet · 14/02/2023 15:29

I’m not sure tbh. Sounded European definitely but I’m so bad with figuring out accents!

It doesn't really matter, not sure why I asked really - a racist is a racist!

BeetyAxe · 14/02/2023 15:29

Seriously do just ignore her and don’t let her weird ways ruin your holiday. Ignore her totally and if she continues complain to management with your head held high. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. s a previous poster said make sure not to let your toddler throw food (or pick it up quickly if he does) and don’t be overly loud yourselves but other than that just relax and enjoy.

Warspite · 14/02/2023 15:29

Ignore her.
Don’t make eye contact. Literally turn away if she starts up again.
She sounds unhinged.
Sometimes we say more with silence than if we react. Don’t react!
Have a good time. Put the incident & her ignorant behaviour behind you.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 14/02/2023 15:33

I'd have just ignored it, maybe laughed at her. I couldn't be bothered with getting into an argument though, and I certainly wouldn't be letting it get to me afterwards. Just ignore her for the rest of the holiday, and if she starts harrassing you, speak to the hotel staff about it

Nuevabegin · 14/02/2023 15:37

Are they French ? Haha, sorry , I have spent loads of time there as family live there and I have never been anywhere like it for staring and comments etc especially since having kids . My dcs are very well behaved but no , they are not completely silent and still at the table (very well behaved though , love food , we eat as a family all the time , no screens , they sit there for the duration ) but anything that isn’t complete silence and stillness re children is unacceptable and warrants staring . My dh is from there and stares back really intently 😂 and often asks in French if they are ok or if they want a picture 😂
We have travelled loads pre kids , with kids and still number 1 for the comments and staring goes to France for us .
Tbh op the woman sounds unhinged , her poor children , imagine how embarrassing that was for them . Just ignore or give a bit back but don’t let it get to you. She is obviously unwell or very unhappy to try and bring others down around her .

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 14/02/2023 15:37

People are weird, just don't make eye contact and definitely do not change anything you would do for her benefit!

Some people are so weird.

Just completely ignore her and enjoy your holiday.

Theimpossiblegirl · 14/02/2023 15:38

I thought possible racism from your first post before even reading that you are of colour. She sounds batshit and your best reaction is to be having a great time, laughing loudly if you see her again. Fuck her!

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 14/02/2023 15:39

She's a weirdo, just sit as far away from her as you can and make sure your back is to her, and ignore ignore ignore.

If you get any further grief from her, complain to the management

CottonSock · 14/02/2023 15:43

Poor you. This kind of thing would bother me too.
I'd ask dh if he could please stick up for me if there was another situation.

Thewheelweavesasthewheelwills · 14/02/2023 15:43

She is very weird, as you said possibly racist. Anytime you think of her just try to think of something else and you'll get it out of your mind. She is not worth your thoughts.
Have a great holiday! Chilly Monday at work here

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 14/02/2023 15:44

Mummy322 · 14/02/2023 15:08

my DH keeps saying I shouldn’t be upset and he’s getting angry that I’m letting a stranger spoil our holiday.

Your husband is right, get a grip.

sillysmiles · 14/02/2023 15:44

Your husband is right, you can only control yourself so stop give her head space and stop allowing her to ruin your holiday.

Funkyslippers · 14/02/2023 15:45

Just smile, don't look at her and show that you're having the best time. That will probably wind her up even more to begin with but she'll soon get bored

Elerandooo · 14/02/2023 15:45

Literally all you need to realise here is you are not the problem, she is.

And then as @YesitsBess suggested- flick peas at her and train your toddler to do the same.

Pigwidzeon · 14/02/2023 15:45

ignore her & enjoy your holiday, if it's any consolation she sounds like she isn't having a relaxing time. With any luck she will have gone home today

Notjustabrunette · 14/02/2023 15:45

I agree that confrontations with strangers is unsettling. However she’s obviously not a nice, normal kind of person so it’s not you, it’s her. Please don’t take her treatment of you to heart.

AlbertaAnnie · 14/02/2023 15:46

I know it’s easier said then done but try not to let it ruin your trip - she was out of order and you did nothing wrong. If she continues this batshittery can you ask staff to intervene? She’s out of line and they can tell her so - ask for the manager

Youwhatnowbiggles · 14/02/2023 15:46

Don’t let it ruin your holiday or cause a row between you & dh. Do speak to staff in the restaurant and ask to be seated well away from her at future meals. Ignore the crazy and speak to staff if it happens again. Which country are you in? Have a glass of something and relax. Sorry it happened in the first place.

TheDogthatDug · 14/02/2023 15:47

Everytime she looks at you give her a big smile and blow her a kiss.

ViburnumFarreri · 14/02/2023 15:49

Mummy322 · 14/02/2023 15:10

We are of colour so I think it could be a hint of racism in her tone or maybe she’s just crazy. I just feel like staying in our room, we stick out as not many people of colour.

Bit of both, I suspect - crazy and racist to boot. Ranting at a total stranger for leaving food on their plate is not remotely normal or acceptable behaviour.

Your husband is right in that the best way to handle it is to completely ignore her, but I understand that it’s easier said than done, and that her behaviour is really upsetting.

Don’t give the nasty bitch the satisfaction of ruining your well earned holiday. I guarantee you that everyone else there will have thought she was being completely unreasonable, they just won’t have said anything because they wouldn’t want to get involved/draw her attention to them. If she gives you any more trouble, complain to the management.

Enjoy your holiday!

SaltyGod · 14/02/2023 15:49

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I too would be riled up, I understand

But you can't let it ruin your holiday, allowing that to happen means it would be her winning with her nastiness.

So as a plan I would ignore, or if I was feeling more confident, I'd smile widely and perhaps even say a cheery hello when I saw her. This kills it right there, and there is nothing at all that she can do in reply.

I hope you can have a lovely time.

Partyandbullshit · 14/02/2023 15:49

I wonder if this "excuse" (wasting food) is a new dog-whistle for racism. I'm sure I've heard of/read exactly this scenario before (not suggesting you're not above OP, genuinely wondering if this is the case as I too will need to be on the alert)

RoseThornside · 14/02/2023 15:49

She sounds like a maniac. Sit near staff at dinner today and complain straightaway if she starts up again.

Hellybelly84 · 14/02/2023 15:50

She sounds nuts. I would try and forget it, stay away from her as much as possible and absolutely report to the Hotel Reception/Manager then move on. Another guest is not allowed to ruin your holiday because she’s crazy.

Perhaps ask them not to do anything after one incident but to note it in case anything else happens. And make sure you enjoy your holiday now!