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Original poster

Friendship ultimatum over Harry Potter

275 replies

BackToHogwarts · 14/02/2023 14:42

I want to start by saying that I suffer from anxiety after death of a parent and a MC so don't watch news, read newspapers, am not on social media other than Marketplace etc. This was an order from my counsellor at the time as any article about death, illness, nuclear war doomsday etc would send me into a tailspin so my general knowledge of what's going on in the world is limited at best.

Anyway 6 years ago I met a friend of mine at a gaming convention meet up. We bonded over our love for anime, games and all things nerdy and struck up a friendship.

He's a very gifted artist and when he moved further away to pursue this we still kept in touch. He told me he was saving for top surgery so I promoted his shop to everyone I knew to try and help. He has since achieved this and is much happier in himself. I had 2 DCs over the years so my gaming has gone down to maybe 2h after bedtime if I'm not too tired and is something I enjoy very much and is my happy place. Despite this we still played together when we could and debated and recommended games and shows to one another etc.

Fast forward to a few days ago, I mentioned I'm eager to try the new Hogwarts Legacy game as Harry Potter was a big part of my childhood and I would love to go back to Hogwarts, when his entire tone changed.

Suddenly I got called a racist, antisemitic neo-nazi terf (?) who he will never talk to again if I so much as try to play that game. .........WTAF? I thought he was joking at first as we used to talk about Harry Potter but he said that was before he knew better and has since gotten rid of the books and movies and I should do the same if I want to stay his friend. I asked is he seriously going to end our friendship over a game and he said "Are YOU?"

I spent a few days in total shock then yesterday got a message from him which was a screen shot of a Facebook post containing a major game spoiler and the words "if you have a problem with this the block button is right there".

I told my DH about this and he explained the problem the trans community have with JK Rowling.

I am still reeling from this and don't know what to do. On one hand I'm angry as it's my life, my choice and it don't make me a horrible person. On the other hand I feel hurt that he would end our friendship if I don't do exactly as he says and has deliberately spoiled the game. Since when are friendships conditional?

As we are friends on PS he can see what I'm playing.

Any advice?

OP posts:
senua · 14/02/2023 18:49

orchid220 · 14/02/2023 18:48

In what way does JK Rowling support trans people?

Show quote history

Try reading the article.Hmm

orchid220 · 14/02/2023 19:01

senua · 14/02/2023 18:49

Try reading the article.Hmm

Show quote history

I can't see where in the article it explains what she has done that is supportive of transpeople. Perhaps you could explain.

senua · 14/02/2023 19:11

orchid220 · 14/02/2023 19:01

I can't see where in the article it explains what she has done that is supportive of transpeople. Perhaps you could explain.

Show quote history

"if I’d been born 30 years later, I too might have tried to transition."
Is that not empathetic enough for you?

She has trans friends. She doesn't need to support each and every transperson in the world because she knows that (like every group in the world) there are some good people and some bad people within that group.
It's not everyone's job to validate you all the time, you know.

orchid220 · 14/02/2023 19:24

senua · 14/02/2023 19:11

"if I’d been born 30 years later, I too might have tried to transition."
Is that not empathetic enough for you?

She has trans friends. She doesn't need to support each and every transperson in the world because she knows that (like every group in the world) there are some good people and some bad people within that group.
It's not everyone's job to validate you all the time, you know.

Show quote history

You said she was supportive, not empathic. I don't think her stating that she has trans friends means she is supportive of them. That would be for them to decide, if there are any trans people who consider her a friend.

RosaBonheur · 14/02/2023 19:41

orchid220 · 14/02/2023 19:24

You said she was supportive, not empathic. I don't think her stating that she has trans friends means she is supportive of them. That would be for them to decide, if there are any trans people who consider her a friend.

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What exactly do you think she isn't doing and should be, to "support" trans people?

orchid220 · 14/02/2023 19:55

RosaBonheur · 14/02/2023 19:41

What exactly do you think she isn't doing and should be, to "support" trans people?

Show quote history

It's not up to me to decide. I'm not the one saying she is supportive.

Timesawastin · 14/02/2023 19:59

Wrong place to ask, MN practically worships JKR precisely because she's anti trans.

/ to answer your question, anyone is free to terminate a friendship for any reason and 'I don't want to be friends any more' is good enough and not unreasonable

Theeyeballsinthesky · 14/02/2023 20:01

JKR is supportive of women’s rights

if you think being pro women’s rights is anti trans then that says more about you than JKR

senua · 14/02/2023 20:01

I'm not the one saying she is supportive.
She's supportive of her trans friends. Because that 's what friends do for each other.

Heronwatcher · 14/02/2023 20:02

He sounds like a lunatic. And a user. Block and move on.

Botw1 · 14/02/2023 20:02

@orchid220

Does she have to be?

TRA don't seem particularly supportive of women

CountryMusicHottie · 14/02/2023 20:02

orchid220 · 14/02/2023 19:55

It's not up to me to decide. I'm not the one saying she is supportive.

Show quote history

Do you believe she’s transphobic? If so, could you quote exactly what she has said that is. From the first article she wrote, some people called her transphobic but I couldn’t find anything in it that was.

senua · 14/02/2023 20:03

Wrong place to ask, MN practically worships JKR precisely because she's anti trans.
More lies.
She's not anti-trans. She's pro-women.

orchid220 · 14/02/2023 20:15

CountryMusicHottie · 14/02/2023 20:02

Do you believe she’s transphobic? If so, could you quote exactly what she has said that is. From the first article she wrote, some people called her transphobic but I couldn’t find anything in it that was.

Show quote history

Do you believe she is supportive of trans people? If so can you say exactly what she has done that is supportive,.

Johnnysgirl · 14/02/2023 20:16

orchid220 · 14/02/2023 20:15

Do you believe she is supportive of trans people? If so can you say exactly what she has done that is supportive,.

Show quote history

Answer the sodding question, ffs.

orchid220 · 14/02/2023 20:18

senua · 14/02/2023 20:01

I'm not the one saying she is supportive.
She's supportive of her trans friends. Because that 's what friends do for each other.

Has any trans person said that she is their friend and that they feel supported by her?

orchid220 · 14/02/2023 20:19

Johnnysgirl · 14/02/2023 20:16

Answer the sodding question, ffs.

Show quote history

Why should I answer your question, particularly when you haven't answered mine?

orchid220 · 14/02/2023 20:22

Botw1 · 14/02/2023 20:02

@orchid220

Does she have to be?

TRA don't seem particularly supportive of women

Regardless of whether she has to be, some posters have said she is so I'm interested to know why they think that.

Botw1 · 14/02/2023 20:23

@orchid220

I think they answered?

So do you think she has to be?

xsquared · 14/02/2023 20:24

I think you've dodged a bullet OP.

He shouldn't be guilt tripping and blackmailing you over a game. If he was a true friend, it would have been an opportunity to have a healthy debate but he seems utterly brainwashed by TRAs.

AnyOldThings · 14/02/2023 20:24

BogRollBOGOF · 14/02/2023 16:37

JKR's "crime" was to point out the importance of single sex spaces at protecting vulnerable women.

Given the events concerning exploititive rapists in Scotland accessing women's prisons using trans-identities, JKR had a very good point.

It's a shame that pointing out misogeny doesn't have the same clout as terms like "transphobe".

There's a lot of anti-JKR keyboard warriors that have said abusive things far, far worse who are steaming hypocrites. She's never wished violence or death on anyone.

100% this.
JKs comments were correct and as we are seeing now, women’s rights/need for safe spaces/protection are being cancelled more and more so as not to ‘offend’ a few trans women who are biologically male no matter what they say. She was never trans phobic, only standing up for rights of biological women.
It seems your friend has gone down the extreme trans activist rabbit hole. I’d run a mile from them and be thankful they showed you who they truly are. The give the majority of kind lovely trans people a bad name.

CountryMusicHottie · 14/02/2023 20:25

orchid220 · 14/02/2023 20:22

Regardless of whether she has to be, some posters have said she is so I'm interested to know why they think that.

Show quote history

But whilst you are waiting for them to answer, could you answer my question please? In case you’ve forgotten it, it was,
Do you believe she’s transphobic? If so, could you quote exactly what she has said that is. From the first article she wrote, some people called her transphobic but I couldn’t find anything in it that was.

orchid220 · 14/02/2023 20:27

CountryMusicHottie · 14/02/2023 20:25

But whilst you are waiting for them to answer, could you answer my question please? In case you’ve forgotten it, it was,
Do you believe she’s transphobic? If so, could you quote exactly what she has said that is. From the first article she wrote, some people called her transphobic but I couldn’t find anything in it that was.

Show quote history

Perhaps if you answer my question I will consider answering yours.

Toadallyinlove · 14/02/2023 20:30

@orchid220 You've certainly got a way of persuading and forcing people to give you attention. It's not a healthy way to live 😊

CountryMusicHottie · 14/02/2023 20:33

orchid220 · 14/02/2023 20:27

Perhaps if you answer my question I will consider answering yours.

Show quote history

I asked a question, completely separately to anyone else on the thread. I didn’t mention her being supportive, that was another poster. I have no idea about support or not, I just hear so much about her being transphobic but I’ve never seen this. So if you could answer my question, that would be great .