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Original poster

Friendship ultimatum over Harry Potter

275 replies

BackToHogwarts · 14/02/2023 14:42

I want to start by saying that I suffer from anxiety after death of a parent and a MC so don't watch news, read newspapers, am not on social media other than Marketplace etc. This was an order from my counsellor at the time as any article about death, illness, nuclear war doomsday etc would send me into a tailspin so my general knowledge of what's going on in the world is limited at best.

Anyway 6 years ago I met a friend of mine at a gaming convention meet up. We bonded over our love for anime, games and all things nerdy and struck up a friendship.

He's a very gifted artist and when he moved further away to pursue this we still kept in touch. He told me he was saving for top surgery so I promoted his shop to everyone I knew to try and help. He has since achieved this and is much happier in himself. I had 2 DCs over the years so my gaming has gone down to maybe 2h after bedtime if I'm not too tired and is something I enjoy very much and is my happy place. Despite this we still played together when we could and debated and recommended games and shows to one another etc.

Fast forward to a few days ago, I mentioned I'm eager to try the new Hogwarts Legacy game as Harry Potter was a big part of my childhood and I would love to go back to Hogwarts, when his entire tone changed.

Suddenly I got called a racist, antisemitic neo-nazi terf (?) who he will never talk to again if I so much as try to play that game. .........WTAF? I thought he was joking at first as we used to talk about Harry Potter but he said that was before he knew better and has since gotten rid of the books and movies and I should do the same if I want to stay his friend. I asked is he seriously going to end our friendship over a game and he said "Are YOU?"

I spent a few days in total shock then yesterday got a message from him which was a screen shot of a Facebook post containing a major game spoiler and the words "if you have a problem with this the block button is right there".

I told my DH about this and he explained the problem the trans community have with JK Rowling.

I am still reeling from this and don't know what to do. On one hand I'm angry as it's my life, my choice and it don't make me a horrible person. On the other hand I feel hurt that he would end our friendship if I don't do exactly as he says and has deliberately spoiled the game. Since when are friendships conditional?

As we are friends on PS he can see what I'm playing.

Any advice?

OP posts:
FannyChmelar · 14/02/2023 15:25

Is it a she that’s become a he or a he that’s become a she?
Either way, you can find a better friend.

Fluorescentwater · 14/02/2023 15:26

I fully support trans rights and have chosen not to play Hogwarts legacy because of this, and I think his behaviour is disgusting and completely out of order. It’s understandable that he’s passionate about the issue, but there’s a huge difference between passionate and overzealous and he’s crossed that line. I’m sorry that you’ve lost a good friend OP, but he’s the one ending it because he’s chosen his hatred of one stranger over his friendship with you.

Megifer · 14/02/2023 15:26

Just block or appear offline.

Its a great game! I'm really enjoying it as are the DC

amonsteronthehill · 14/02/2023 15:27

He's a toxic idiot. I'd tell him you're going to block him for his ridiculous, over the top vile behaviour.

purpledalmation · 14/02/2023 15:27

Vile, toxic and if I may say, not an unusual reaction from someone who feels the need to masquarade as a woman and enter into a world of delusion where having 'top surgery' makes you a real woman. I think most transgender people are a bit lost and needing an identity that isn't their own, but some join this vile bandwagon of hate.

FWIW i have a transgender friend who now identifies as female and she is not like this and loves harry potter. She can think for herself

Howdya · 14/02/2023 15:27

Fluorescentwater · 14/02/2023 15:26

I fully support trans rights and have chosen not to play Hogwarts legacy because of this, and I think his behaviour is disgusting and completely out of order. It’s understandable that he’s passionate about the issue, but there’s a huge difference between passionate and overzealous and he’s crossed that line. I’m sorry that you’ve lost a good friend OP, but he’s the one ending it because he’s chosen his hatred of one stranger over his friendship with you.

How utterly weird. I have played games for years and have no idea what political views any of the game developers have.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/02/2023 15:28

"Suddenly I got called a racist, antisemitic neo-nazi terf (?) who he will never talk to again if I so much as try to play that game. .........WTAF?"

So they've known you for six years, but all of a sudden you're a "racist, antisemitic neo-nazi terf"? Well, what were they thinking? How did they never notice this about you until now? Oh, that's right - because it's a load of codswallop! You are none of those things.

The idea is that by calling you all these horrible names, you react by being horrified that anyone could think that of you; so you apologise profusely, feel embarrassed/ashamed, tug your forelock and meekly follow their demands and be a good little girl who does as she's told. Bollocks to that.

Step away. Block and ignore. Because if you knuckle under to this shite I can guarantee that more demands will come your way, and your anxiety will rocket. They are no friend to you now, not any more.

orchid220 · 14/02/2023 15:28

I think a lot of trans people wouldn't want to be friends with you if you put wanting to play the game before your friendship with them but no need for dramatic name calling and ultimatums. The normal thing to do would be just to have less/nothing to do with you in future.

purplecorkheart · 14/02/2023 15:30

He sounds like a vile person. At the end of the day you are an adult and he should respect that.

PamDoovesHat · 14/02/2023 15:30

Hmm, not sure this is person is posting in good faith. Looking for screenshots maybe?

Fluorescentwater · 14/02/2023 15:30

Howdya · 14/02/2023 15:27

How utterly weird. I have played games for years and have no idea what political views any of the game developers have.

Show quote history

Nothing weird or unusual about it. Large groups boycott games and companies all the time - Just look at last year when that poor woman who worked for Blizzard committed suicide.

hiyaKen · 14/02/2023 15:31

He sounds unhinged

PicklesAndTequila · 14/02/2023 15:31

Fluorescentwater · 14/02/2023 15:26

I fully support trans rights and have chosen not to play Hogwarts legacy because of this, and I think his behaviour is disgusting and completely out of order. It’s understandable that he’s passionate about the issue, but there’s a huge difference between passionate and overzealous and he’s crossed that line. I’m sorry that you’ve lost a good friend OP, but he’s the one ending it because he’s chosen his hatred of one stranger over his friendship with you.

I support trans rights too.
Which ones don't they have that the rest of us do BTW?

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/02/2023 15:31

purpledalmation · 14/02/2023 15:27

Vile, toxic and if I may say, not an unusual reaction from someone who feels the need to masquarade as a woman and enter into a world of delusion where having 'top surgery' makes you a real woman. I think most transgender people are a bit lost and needing an identity that isn't their own, but some join this vile bandwagon of hate.

FWIW i have a transgender friend who now identifies as female and she is not like this and loves harry potter. She can think for herself

'Top surgery' is the euphemism for a double mastectomy. OP's ex-friend, who she refers to as 'he', is a woman wishing to be accepted as a man.

SnoozyVanWinkle · 14/02/2023 15:31

I used to have some respect for JKR's opinions on the trans issue but her repeated snide and sneery comments appear to betray her complete contempt for others who do not share her views and I have lost respect for her as a result.

Yes, people should only be allowed to state their opinions on a subject once per lifetime.

And when people are proved right, they shouldn't get to mention it.

ItchySnoof · 14/02/2023 15:31

Howdya · 14/02/2023 15:27

How utterly weird. I have played games for years and have no idea what political views any of the game developers have.

Show quote history

Off the back of this if I didn't watch TV shows, play Video Games (OR board games), read books or listen to music based on some of the backgrounds of the people behind them I would be so fucking bored.

People who don't play HL based on JK's article firstly need to go and actually read it, because it's NOT ABOUT TRANS PEOPLE like they want to make it about them, and secondly need to really evaluate ALL the media they enjoy because I guarantee they will find themselves hypocritical

BreviloquentBastard · 14/02/2023 15:32

I remember when all this with JKR first kicked off. A "friend" of mine absolutely hit the roof with me when I said I had no intention of getting rid of my HP books and belongings. She went on an absolute tirade, messaged all our mutual friends and told them I'm a Nazi.

A huge portion of my family are Jewish. My husband's great grandmother is a literal Polish Jew. On my maternal side, if you go back enough there's Welsh Kale Romani. She knows this. But I'm a Nazi, apparently, because I enjoy a series of children's books.

These people are insane and can't be reasoned with. In the bin and enjoy the game.

EpicChaos · 14/02/2023 15:32

Tell your friend to back up their accusations with actual proof of the transphobic comments supposedly made by JKR, then find a better friend!

BellePeppa · 14/02/2023 15:32

Get rid. He sounds awful, you don’t need friends like that. Go and enjoy your game and to hell with him.

FKATondelayo · 14/02/2023 15:32

You've got a husband, 2 kids under 6 and a life - I'm not really understanding why the friendship of a long distance gaming acquaintance is that important? I'd block them.

orchid220 · 14/02/2023 15:32

purpledalmation · 14/02/2023 15:27

Vile, toxic and if I may say, not an unusual reaction from someone who feels the need to masquarade as a woman and enter into a world of delusion where having 'top surgery' makes you a real woman. I think most transgender people are a bit lost and needing an identity that isn't their own, but some join this vile bandwagon of hate.

FWIW i have a transgender friend who now identifies as female and she is not like this and loves harry potter. She can think for herself

They are probably what you would consider to be a "real woman"

Toadallyinlove · 14/02/2023 15:33

For Harry Potter fans I can recommend the HP Scrabble. It's so much fun!

Fraaahnces · 14/02/2023 15:33

Three guesses what type of surgery….

Hadjab · 14/02/2023 15:33

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 14/02/2023 14:46

And tell your husband the same.

Why? What did he do?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 14/02/2023 15:33

Context is that there is a campaign seeking to harass and threaten gamers who play the new HP game.

Obviously, whilst doing this, the perpetrators are not stopping gaming to affect the bottom line of the games developers or console sellers, they are not refusing to watch movies produced by Warner Brothers or Universal Studios/Film, they're not boycotting Funko Pops, Lego or other toy and game companies, they're not eschewing all special effects or makeup companies, Primark, Marks and Spencers or Amazon for selling HP licensed items.

But they're happy to threaten individuals who just want to play a game.

Sigh that your friend is not a true friend and block them. After all, it's what they're telling you to do if you don't want them to come after you with their new friends.

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