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Original poster

Friendship ultimatum over Harry Potter

275 replies

BackToHogwarts · 14/02/2023 14:42

I want to start by saying that I suffer from anxiety after death of a parent and a MC so don't watch news, read newspapers, am not on social media other than Marketplace etc. This was an order from my counsellor at the time as any article about death, illness, nuclear war doomsday etc would send me into a tailspin so my general knowledge of what's going on in the world is limited at best.

Anyway 6 years ago I met a friend of mine at a gaming convention meet up. We bonded over our love for anime, games and all things nerdy and struck up a friendship.

He's a very gifted artist and when he moved further away to pursue this we still kept in touch. He told me he was saving for top surgery so I promoted his shop to everyone I knew to try and help. He has since achieved this and is much happier in himself. I had 2 DCs over the years so my gaming has gone down to maybe 2h after bedtime if I'm not too tired and is something I enjoy very much and is my happy place. Despite this we still played together when we could and debated and recommended games and shows to one another etc.

Fast forward to a few days ago, I mentioned I'm eager to try the new Hogwarts Legacy game as Harry Potter was a big part of my childhood and I would love to go back to Hogwarts, when his entire tone changed.

Suddenly I got called a racist, antisemitic neo-nazi terf (?) who he will never talk to again if I so much as try to play that game. .........WTAF? I thought he was joking at first as we used to talk about Harry Potter but he said that was before he knew better and has since gotten rid of the books and movies and I should do the same if I want to stay his friend. I asked is he seriously going to end our friendship over a game and he said "Are YOU?"

I spent a few days in total shock then yesterday got a message from him which was a screen shot of a Facebook post containing a major game spoiler and the words "if you have a problem with this the block button is right there".

I told my DH about this and he explained the problem the trans community have with JK Rowling.

I am still reeling from this and don't know what to do. On one hand I'm angry as it's my life, my choice and it don't make me a horrible person. On the other hand I feel hurt that he would end our friendship if I don't do exactly as he says and has deliberately spoiled the game. Since when are friendships conditional?

As we are friends on PS he can see what I'm playing.

Any advice?

OP posts:
Hellybelly84 · 14/02/2023 16:24

Knoblauch · 14/02/2023 16:07

@Hellybelly84 the OP's ex friend being a female is a biological fact. Not an opinion. That is their sex. It is the sex they were born and is the only sex they can be medically identified as using their DNA. Therefore their body is that if a biological female. If the friend now wants to identify as a woman, which is a gender not a sex, they're welcome to go ahead. But biological sex, is not and never can be, just an opinion.

Im confused…I agree with you - you are the sex you are born despite how you want to choose to live your life. I was pointing that out to the other poster.

Naunet · 14/02/2023 16:29

Naunet · 14/02/2023 16:20

He’s a misogynistic little prick who thinks men get to decided who and what women are. He has no skin in the game, but is trying to shut you down from stepping out of line. Tell him to fuck off and go suck a girl dick.

Sorry, I assumed by top surgery you meant a boob job, but it seems this little dictator is a female, and I’d still tell her to fuck off in that case and find some real problems to concern herself with.

Jazzy21 · 14/02/2023 16:29

This person is batshit, and not your friend. Block, move on and forget.

CuriousMama · 14/02/2023 16:32

PlantyPall · 14/02/2023 15:36

Yep! They won't be back.

Show quote history

My thoughts exactly. Definitely suss.

Original poster
BackToHogwarts · 14/02/2023 16:34

I want to thank everyone for their encouraging replies, haven't read all but will once I get some free time. Nice to know I haven't completely lost the plot when it comes to this. I even had to look up the word "terf".

I know I'm ignorant when it comes to political debates but as mentioned I don't follow the news but he never explained the exact issue he had with the game other than everything that has JK Rowling's name on it is tainted and I should follow his example.

I did notice some got confused by my friend's pronouns so want to clarify he is a non binary trans man. His pronouns are he/they. I didn't specify this as didn't think it needed to. He was my friend regardless of what he looks, sounds and identifies as. I bonded with the person and I liked that person until this outburst.

I will also read up on the links some kind posters posted as I have other trans friends and this may not be the last I hear of this.

OP posts:
DeanVolecapeAKAelderberry · 14/02/2023 16:35

Top surgery is a term usually used by people making an FtM transition. Another common 'treatment' is testosterone, which can cause extreme mood changes - also some uncomfortable physical effects. For your own protection (emotional not physical) better step away, for now at least. Maybe things will stabilise for your friend in the future.

Naunet · 14/02/2023 16:36

BackToHogwarts · 14/02/2023 16:34

I want to thank everyone for their encouraging replies, haven't read all but will once I get some free time. Nice to know I haven't completely lost the plot when it comes to this. I even had to look up the word "terf".

I know I'm ignorant when it comes to political debates but as mentioned I don't follow the news but he never explained the exact issue he had with the game other than everything that has JK Rowling's name on it is tainted and I should follow his example.

I did notice some got confused by my friend's pronouns so want to clarify he is a non binary trans man. His pronouns are he/they. I didn't specify this as didn't think it needed to. He was my friend regardless of what he looks, sounds and identifies as. I bonded with the person and I liked that person until this outburst.

I will also read up on the links some kind posters posted as I have other trans friends and this may not be the last I hear of this.

How can someone be non binary and binary (man) at the same time?! Fucking ridiculous, luxury belief system.

Tinkerbyebye · 14/02/2023 16:36

Remove as a friend on the PS, block and move on

whatever your thoughts on anything you have no right to dictate what people can and can’t do and think

he is no friend

BogRollBOGOF · 14/02/2023 16:37

JKR's "crime" was to point out the importance of single sex spaces at protecting vulnerable women.

Given the events concerning exploititive rapists in Scotland accessing women's prisons using trans-identities, JKR had a very good point.

It's a shame that pointing out misogeny doesn't have the same clout as terms like "transphobe".

There's a lot of anti-JKR keyboard warriors that have said abusive things far, far worse who are steaming hypocrites. She's never wished violence or death on anyone.

mindutopia · 14/02/2023 16:41

He doesn't sound very kind and I think you will do yourself a favour by blocking him.

Fwiw, I am as anti-JK Rowling's views as one can get as I'm very supportive of trans rights and the trans community. It doesn't stop me thinking she's written good books or letting my dc read them. I just think she's an idiot for her political views. I wouldn't call anyone on either side of the debate vile names though, because I'm not a terrible person.

Naunet · 14/02/2023 16:42

mindutopia · 14/02/2023 16:41

He doesn't sound very kind and I think you will do yourself a favour by blocking him.

Fwiw, I am as anti-JK Rowling's views as one can get as I'm very supportive of trans rights and the trans community. It doesn't stop me thinking she's written good books or letting my dc read them. I just think she's an idiot for her political views. I wouldn't call anyone on either side of the debate vile names though, because I'm not a terrible person.

What exactly is idiotic about caring for and valuing women’s rights?

Botw1 · 14/02/2023 16:44

@mindutopia

Which views of JKR are you against?

What rights to trans people need that they don't have?

DoNotGetADog · 14/02/2023 16:47

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/02/2023 15:44

No doubt.

So depressing.

Show quote history

Yes - Seems pretty unlikely someone has no knowledge of what people (wrongly) accuse JK Rowling of, but is familiar with the phrase “top surgery.”

Waitwhat23 · 14/02/2023 16:49

BogRollBOGOF · 14/02/2023 16:37

JKR's "crime" was to point out the importance of single sex spaces at protecting vulnerable women.

Given the events concerning exploititive rapists in Scotland accessing women's prisons using trans-identities, JKR had a very good point.

It's a shame that pointing out misogeny doesn't have the same clout as terms like "transphobe".

There's a lot of anti-JKR keyboard warriors that have said abusive things far, far worse who are steaming hypocrites. She's never wished violence or death on anyone.

Quite. Scottish women were told by our First Minister that our concerns around the erosion of the single sex exemptions as allowed in the EQA 2010 as well as the 'before the law' application of self ID by various organisations and services werent 'valid'.

Except, as recent revelations have shown, those concerns were very much valid and the Scottish Government have had to do a number of embarrassing reversals of decisions and policy.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/02/2023 16:50

DoNotGetADog · 14/02/2023 16:47

Yes - Seems pretty unlikely someone has no knowledge of what people (wrongly) accuse JK Rowling of, but is familiar with the phrase “top surgery.”

Show quote history

Perhaps they're familiar with the phrase as their friend has used it in conversation with them?

"He told me he was saving for top surgery"

RosaBonheur · 14/02/2023 17:00

mindutopia · 14/02/2023 16:41

He doesn't sound very kind and I think you will do yourself a favour by blocking him.

Fwiw, I am as anti-JK Rowling's views as one can get as I'm very supportive of trans rights and the trans community. It doesn't stop me thinking she's written good books or letting my dc read them. I just think she's an idiot for her political views. I wouldn't call anyone on either side of the debate vile names though, because I'm not a terrible person.

What rights do trans people not have?

Chickychoccyegg · 14/02/2023 17:05

discobrain · 14/02/2023 14:47

If you put a game before friendship, you're a terrible friend.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 14/02/2023 17:06

Even JKR is supportive of the Trans community. She just doesn't think Trans people/Trans rights should overthrow women's rights/the right for women to call themselves women.

SillySalmonX · 14/02/2023 17:20

Sounds like the fun has gone out of the friendship.
The game, on the other hand, is loads of fun. Been watching DS play it. It's stunning.
I know where I'd be investing my time right now!
If you find yourself cooling down after your (understandable) anger you should probably still give the friendship some space but perhaps attempt to edge away gently, leaving the door open for neutral ground to return to later on. After you've completed the game, obviously. 😂
If your friend won't have that and wants to end things with you more dramatically, at least you'll have behaved like the grown-up.

underneaththeash · 14/02/2023 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PamDooove · 14/02/2023 17:42

mindutopia · 14/02/2023 16:41

He doesn't sound very kind and I think you will do yourself a favour by blocking him.

Fwiw, I am as anti-JK Rowling's views as one can get as I'm very supportive of trans rights and the trans community. It doesn't stop me thinking she's written good books or letting my dc read them. I just think she's an idiot for her political views. I wouldn't call anyone on either side of the debate vile names though, because I'm not a terrible person.

You're brave admitting you're anti-womens rights on a primarily female forum 🫨

Mrsuntidy · 14/02/2023 18:38

The game is incredible. Play the game.

senua · 14/02/2023 18:43

Fwiw, I am as anti-JK Rowling's views as one can get as I'm very supportive of trans rights and the trans community.
@mindutopia
For goodness saker! Read what JKR wrote. She supports transpeople, too. Just not at the expense of women.

StephanieSuperpowers · 14/02/2023 18:47

senua · 14/02/2023 18:43

Fwiw, I am as anti-JK Rowling's views as one can get as I'm very supportive of trans rights and the trans community.
@mindutopia
For goodness saker! Read what JKR wrote. She supports transpeople, too. Just not at the expense of women.

Yes. A lot of people hate the idea of women being prioritised above anyone. I mean, the cheek of them.

orchid220 · 14/02/2023 18:48

senua · 14/02/2023 18:43

Fwiw, I am as anti-JK Rowling's views as one can get as I'm very supportive of trans rights and the trans community.
@mindutopia
For goodness saker! Read what JKR wrote. She supports transpeople, too. Just not at the expense of women.

In what way does JK Rowling support trans people?