Friendship ultimatum over Harry Potter

[BackToHogwarts]

I want to start by saying that I suffer from anxiety after death of a parent and a MC so don't watch news, read newspapers, am not on social media other than Marketplace etc. This was an order from my counsellor at the time as any article about death, illness, nuclear war doomsday etc would send me into a tailspin so my general knowledge of what's going on in the world is limited at best.

Anyway 6 years ago I met a friend of mine at a gaming convention meet up. We bonded over our love for anime, games and all things nerdy and struck up a friendship.

He's a very gifted artist and when he moved further away to pursue this we still kept in touch. He told me he was saving for top surgery so I promoted his shop to everyone I knew to try and help. He has since achieved this and is much happier in himself. I had 2 DCs over the years so my gaming has gone down to maybe 2h after bedtime if I'm not too tired and is something I enjoy very much and is my happy place. Despite this we still played together when we could and debated and recommended games and shows to one another etc.

Fast forward to a few days ago, I mentioned I'm eager to try the new Hogwarts Legacy game as Harry Potter was a big part of my childhood and I would love to go back to Hogwarts, when his entire tone changed.

Suddenly I got called a racist, antisemitic neo-nazi terf (?) who he will never talk to again if I so much as try to play that game. .........WTAF? I thought he was joking at first as we used to talk about Harry Potter but he said that was before he knew better and has since gotten rid of the books and movies and I should do the same if I want to stay his friend. I asked is he seriously going to end our friendship over a game and he said "Are YOU?"

I spent a few days in total shock then yesterday got a message from him which was a screen shot of a Facebook post containing a major game spoiler and the words "if you have a problem with this the block button is right there".

I told my DH about this and he explained the problem the trans community have with JK Rowling.

I am still reeling from this and don't know what to do. On one hand I'm angry as it's my life, my choice and it don't make me a horrible person. On the other hand I feel hurt that he would end our friendship if I don't do exactly as he says and has deliberately spoiled the game. Since when are friendships conditional?

As we are friends on PS he can see what I'm playing.

Any advice?

He is a terrible friend - making a game more important than a friendship, and trying to tell you what you can and can’t play. Not only is he a terrible friend, he’s a controlling arse. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.

I used to have some respect for JKR's opinions on the trans issue but her repeated snide and sneery comments appear to betray her complete contempt for others who do not share her views and I have lost respect for her as a result.

That said it wouldn't stop me playing a game I wanted to, and the friend's approach here (if this scenario actually played out this way, there seem to be a few questionable posts at the moment on mumsnet) sounds abhorrent.

Evanesco

I'm disappointed in you @pointythings.
What exactly has JKR said that is so distasteful?

Back in the 90s some Christians boycotted Harry Potter. I remember our local church sent out leaflets urging families not to buy the 1st book!

Just the same as people boycotting Monty Python.

Trendy haters gonna hate whatever is on trend

Enjoy OP. X

Sounds completely unhinged. You don't need "friends" who try to dictate what you do in your spare time.

Cannot wait until the game is out on Xbox. (And if JKR is a nazi Terf then so am I. And proud of it.)

The way your friend spoke to you is horrible, I wouldn't be staying friends with them after that.

You have no time for JKR stating that biological sex is real? And matters?

Right you are!

No friendship can last for long when it depends on one person agreeing with and obeying the other, for fear of losing the friendship.

It almost doesn't matter what the exact issue is, you can either comply and submit, or cut contact. Cutting contact is sad, and it's always a bit of a shame to lose a friend, but compliance and obedience will only breed resentment in you, and contempt in your friend.

I had this with a family member as I'm currently reading HP with DS. She was outraged that we were reading books by the big terfy one. I asked her to tell me, what exactly was the transphobic thing JKR said. They never can quote it though. They just shout you down with factually dubious soundbites from TRAs.

Until one of them can show me the actual transphobic thing that she said, I will continue to read HP to my kid. They can't though. Because what she said isn't transphobic.

This friend is no loss.

Read that JKR wrote and see what you think.

Do bear in mind that the racism and anti-semitism accusations appear to be forced teaming based on the women's rights views she holds. It has more weight when you can pretend she's a racist, rather than someone who cares deeply about marginalised people's rights.

Read primary texts and decide for yourself.

Then decide if you boycott artists you dislike the views of. That's a whole other debate.

If your friend doesn't think you should be able to make your own mind up... that's not a real friend.

Or for stating that women’s safe spaces should be protected.

The world has gone insane.

A very helpful post. What JKR actually said does matter.

JK Rowling isn't transphobic. She doesn't hate trans people. About the most "transphobic" thing she has done is fund/open a sexual violence support centre which doesn't accommodate transwomen, which arguably it doesn't need to, because there is already a sexual violence support centre in the same city which does. She hasn't taken anything away.

People hate her mainly because she is friends with/agrees with people who are actively anti-trans, which is stupid. Just decide if you admire a person or not based on their own merits and actions, not based on who they are friends with or what they might agree with.

Then it's a whole other degree to boycott an artistic work because you don't like one of the artists. Especially if you don't like one of the artists because of who their friends are.

And a whole other (bonkers) degree to shun somebody else who has made the decision to buy an artist's work that you personally don't agree with the views of some contacts of the artist.

What you think of JK Rowling might be nothing to do with whether you want to play the game and even if it is, it's none of anybody else's business what games you do or don't play for what reasons!

I mean, Hitler was a vegetarian. Do we hate all vegetarians now? No, because that would be stupid.

This. He's a nutcase.

JKR gets abuse because she's an influential woman who dares to have an opinion. Actually not just about single sex spaces, about lots of things. That's all.

I didn't think it was clear that this was the case; they might also have had breast implants to appear female. And it isn't really the point anyway, is it? Different people have different attitudes to pronouns, and most posters were probably just following the OPs example.

I got called the same for buying an An Human Female t-shirt, and told I forced them to end their friendship with me.
What tosh.

A thought-provoking post - thanks

This is controlliung and abusive, not friendship.

People need to come to terms with the fact that despite this being in the press a lot, it isn't actually that relevant to most people's lives. There are a LOT of issues going on in the world, many of them more widespread and pressing, that people are not expected to know everything about. People are not selfish if this issue is not central in their lives.

It would have been possible to save the friendship if he had politely pointed out his personal issues with JKR and invited you to reconsider (leaving aside for the moment the rights and wrongs of that viewpoint). But the way he has attacked you and issued you with an ultimatum is controlling, immature and bigoted. I’m sorry but this person is not your friend.

Surely bottom surgery (generally the final surgery) is when they'd be fully transitioned to female? Without it the person would still have their penis etc?

And people are probably saying he as that's the pronoun in the OP I suspect.

I'd bet my house he hasn't read the JKR essay that explains her views.