Friendship ultimatum over Harry Potter

[BackToHogwarts]

I want to start by saying that I suffer from anxiety after death of a parent and a MC so don't watch news, read newspapers, am not on social media other than Marketplace etc. This was an order from my counsellor at the time as any article about death, illness, nuclear war doomsday etc would send me into a tailspin so my general knowledge of what's going on in the world is limited at best.

Anyway 6 years ago I met a friend of mine at a gaming convention meet up. We bonded over our love for anime, games and all things nerdy and struck up a friendship.

He's a very gifted artist and when he moved further away to pursue this we still kept in touch. He told me he was saving for top surgery so I promoted his shop to everyone I knew to try and help. He has since achieved this and is much happier in himself. I had 2 DCs over the years so my gaming has gone down to maybe 2h after bedtime if I'm not too tired and is something I enjoy very much and is my happy place. Despite this we still played together when we could and debated and recommended games and shows to one another etc.

Fast forward to a few days ago, I mentioned I'm eager to try the new Hogwarts Legacy game as Harry Potter was a big part of my childhood and I would love to go back to Hogwarts, when his entire tone changed.

Suddenly I got called a racist, antisemitic neo-nazi terf (?) who he will never talk to again if I so much as try to play that game. .........WTAF? I thought he was joking at first as we used to talk about Harry Potter but he said that was before he knew better and has since gotten rid of the books and movies and I should do the same if I want to stay his friend. I asked is he seriously going to end our friendship over a game and he said "Are YOU?"

I spent a few days in total shock then yesterday got a message from him which was a screen shot of a Facebook post containing a major game spoiler and the words "if you have a problem with this the block button is right there".

I told my DH about this and he explained the problem the trans community have with JK Rowling.

I am still reeling from this and don't know what to do. On one hand I'm angry as it's my life, my choice and it don't make me a horrible person. On the other hand I feel hurt that he would end our friendship if I don't do exactly as he says and has deliberately spoiled the game. Since when are friendships conditional?

As we are friends on PS he can see what I'm playing.

Any advice?

Saying that I play the game and have fun regardless!

If you personally think you can separate author and content and still want to play the game.

Or happily play the game with absolutely no need to separate the content from the author.

This 'friend' is a nasty, idiotic bully, OP. No loss.

End the friendship. He's a vile bully.

Tell him you refuse to be sucked into his nonsense.

What are JKR's views on the trans issue?

No one ever seems able to answer this very simple question...

"...he said that was before he knew better and has since gotten rid of the books and movies and I should do the same if I want to stay his friend".

So there was a point in time when he wasn't aware, just like you before this outburst. Was he also a racist antisemitic neo-Nazi before he "knew better"...or was he just innocent/not informed?**

"I asked is he seriously going to end our friendship over a game and he said "Are YOU?"

I wouldn't be ending the friendship over a game, but I would over the brutal and unnecessary character assassination. I'd hope a friend would assume ignorance before malice, but he immediately went on the attack.
You're genuinely not in the wrong here, in any way. He's behaving like an emotionally immature child.

Life is too short for negative and high maintenance people like that OP.

Give him a while and he'll find a new wagon to jump on 😊

People can share opinions and still be kind. Those are the people to be friends with!

Enjoy the game x

Another here interested to know what I have missed re JKR and her “views” on the trans issue.

I’ve read the essay that started the whole JKR’s a Terf crap and don’t see anything transphobic.

And every time someone brings it up I want to ask them what happened to the idea that art and the artist are different things?!

Yes this.

Do share.

Who the fuck does he think he is? Friends don't speak to you the way he did to you.

Any advice?

Block the twat and enjoy the game.

How do the goblins share anything with Jewish history 😵‍💫 From the Times of Israel: “the UK’s Campaign Against Antisemitism said in a statement that “the portrayal of the goblins in the Harry Potter series is of a piece with their portrayal in Western literature as a whole” and “is a testament more to centuries of Christendom’s antisemitism than it is to malice by contemporary artists. So it is with JK Rowling, who has proven herself over recent years to be a tireless defender of the Jewish community.””

Wut? It's him that's doing that.

Friends do not try to control what their friends do. This person is not your friend.

I have no particular interest in the Harry Potter game, but JK Rowling is a champion for vulnerable women and has done nothing wrong to deserve this vilification. Her "crime" was pointing out that if there are no safeguards or conditions around access to vulnerable women's spaces then those spaces are useless to the women who really need them. Without safeguards or conditions, anyone can access them, including abusive men.

Did you not read the OP properly?

"I want to start by saying that I suffer from anxiety after death of a parent and a MC so don't watch news, read newspapers, am not on social media other than Marketplace etc. This was an order from my counsellor at the time as any article about death, illness, nuclear war doomsday etc would send me into a tailspin so my general knowledge of what's going on in the world is limited at best."

I imagine you'd be right behind OP's not-friend doing exactly the same to protect their mental health, but you're getting snitty with the OP doing exactly that. Have a word with yourself, and DO BETTER.

it doesn’t sound like there is much coming back from this to be honest. It doesn’t sound like you need this much drama in your life if he can’t be sensible about having a conversation where he can explain his point of view - spoiling the game is such an utterly childish thing to do.

luckily the spoilers aren’t actually spoilers - you won’t give a shit about the storyline as you sit astride your hippogriff soaring over hogwarts lake. It’s a fantastic game and by playing it you aren’t a nazi or anti semitic or any of the ridiculous things he’s said.

You can like art but not the artist. Your friend sounds really unpleasant.

He's fucked up your friendship by being deranged and verbally abusive over a game. You've done nothing wrong, don't let him treat you like that and get away with it. With that attitude, he's a far shittier person than JKR.

momentmag.com/debunking-the-harry-potter-anti-semitism-myth/

She sounds toxic. I wouldn't want her as a friend.

Use your brain FFs

And every time someone brings it up I want to ask them what happened to the idea that art and the artist are different things?!

Just to put this in first, I agree with what JK said. I think she's right.

But the difference between the art and the artist in this case is that JK is a woman. One of the ways you can tell is because she's expected to not have independent views or say anything that might cause anyone discomfort. However, artists who aren't inconveniently women can be actually abusive and have their art appreciated. So Roman Polanski, for example, did bad stuff but his films are excellent so they're not cancelled, because for some reason, the artist and the art can be separated in his case.

Ditch him - he's an idiot. And J K Rowling is an amazing, smart and strong woman who has encouraged a generation of children to enjoy reading.

On the other hand I feel hurt that he would end our friendship if I don't do exactly as he says and has deliberately spoiled the game. Since when are friendships conditional?

When your friend is a bully.

This game has added some specific details that add to the background/history of the goblins. Some info here:

www.thejc.com/news/news/hogwarts-legacy-reignites-allegations-of-antisemitism-within-hp-universe-kGxvwfPYJFZY2OsXc1e9y?reloadTime=1676365200011

FYI Im not Jewish and have no vested interest. Just relaying the controversy as this point has not been mentioned in this thread with the focus on JK terf arguments. The nazi comments may relate to this potential antisemitism, or at least further embellishment of the Jewish tropes seen with the goblins as the CAA has previously acknowledged.

I play the game. It’s been fun so far.

Stop trying to maintain adult friendships with toddlers. Never works out.