To think parents who let their kids 'play out' are just completely abdicating responsibility for their kids' behaviour?

[MaybeIWillFuckOffThen]

We have a little walled playground near our house - little climbing frame, slide, stepping stones, toddler swing, very clearly aimed at a young primary/pre-school audience.

It's currently being completely taken over by a huge group of 10-12 preteen/early teen boys playing very rough games of football with real leather footballs. The bang the balls off the walls and hoof them in the air so they go careering everywhere at speed, they run around roughly after the ball pushing and shoving each other and getting in other people's personal space, they fight and shout aggressively and swear. Not a parent in sight of course so no-one to appeal to to get them to moderate their behaviour/find a more suitable venue (like say the massive park 5 minutes walk away). I've had a word now and again but generally just get mutinous stares and/or backchat. I can't really take my kids (2 and 6) there to play any more as it isn't safe for them and the atmosphere is so aggressive.

Why do people just turn their kids out of doors with no idea where they're going/what they're doing? It makes it impossible for other parents - either they have to tell your kid off for you (immediately in the wrong) or they simply have to either put up with inappropriate, loutish behaviour or give way to it and leave.

MeinKraft, how very community spirited of you, it will be the OP's 'problem' one day when her 8+ so not even teens are vilified, 'obnoxious 8-12 year old girls are ruining my publicly paid for toddler area!'

Do you sit on a park bench watching them hang out with their mates while you knit

Take them to the park when the big kids are at school that's what I do with my 3

What are parents actually expected to do? Save for sitting knitting on a bench? Kids behind a bush and spy on their kids?

Again - not that I think the boys in the OP have done anything wrong! And re the midst clearing. Of course they shouldn’t play football in the mud. Do you let your kids go and run around in mud?

The reason kids that age tend to hang around bus stops, shopping centres and little kids' playgrounds are that they are safer.
Playing fields might seem more appropriate to you, but even nice grassy parks are potentially risky for young people. Those are places where drugs get sold, feuds build up and scores are settled.
Also, it's hard to keep your trainers and clothes nice in the mud, especially when dog walkers use them too.

Who’s said it’s great parenting? Go on, indulge us

*muddy clearing

No, but reports from their school and members of the local community praising them tells me otherwise. Belive me if my boys behaved like someone would tell me.

I’ve asked op 3 times if she does this and she hasn’t replied

I think you are being very unreasonable suggesting that letting your secondary school kids out without supervision is ‘abdicating responsibility’. I generally knew where my 2 were at that age but obviously not exactly what they were doing or how they were behaving because I wasn’t following their every move! I just hoped that the manners and values I have instilled in them would hold up when out with their peers and if some of their mates did misbehave then they wouldn’t succumb to peer pressure and follow suit. What would be your suggestion for dealing with this process of letting them grow up and gain independence OP?

I’m sure your children behave perfectly well but it seems the children in the OP also behave perfectly well.

Supervise a 12 year old out with his mates? There's a level of preciousness right there. If you don't feel it's safe then tell them to go and play in the other park ffs. Or maybe it is safe, but just not good enough for you.

It’s described as a massive park, there must be stuff to do for kiddies of any age. If the park she’s complaining about doesn’t have any official restrictions for preteens then I guess they are just as entitled to be there as anyone else.

I was a nanny for preteens in my younger days and I know they can get up to no good. It’s refreshing to hear they’re out playing a team sport.

Definitely much better that they're out there playing rather than stuck on X box.

It's a toddler park apparently so even the OP's six year old shouldn't be playing there. But I expect that's only a problem when it's a six year old boy

This is a good point.

OP I hope your 6yo isn’t playing on the equipment? She’s far too old and could poke someone’s eye out!

Round here a number of years ago the consul became very risk averse and replaced a lot of the playground equipment with stuff you'd think toddlers would find boring. Slides less than a metre from the ground level. They still have signs on them saying for ages up to 14 years.

It is unusual to not have friends as a child. Most children play with friends.

Hmm

All the time but I was a quiet and solitary type - just used to walk up and down the beach singing to myself and making up stories most of the time

It sounds like maybe you needed parental supervision as a child, who on earth lets their pre teen child wander up and down the beach alone.

I definitely wouldn't let my 12 year old wander up and down the beach by themselves.

Is there nowhere else they can kick a ball around? We have a small park near us. But we also have a basketball court in a separate area if our estate. Mostly used by kids playing football though. They get moaned at if they play in the street so where are they supposed to go if there's nowhere else? Another park has the play park at one end also with things for older children and teens to do. No ball games are allowed at that end. The other end has a basketball court and a type of bus shelter for older kids to hang around in.

I'm sure you will feel differently when you're own children are older and there's nowhere for them to go without spending money. As well as that we have the cost of living crisis families obviously have less to spend on days out. As well as a lot not being able to afford out of school activities anymore. So there will be more kid's hanging around. Give them an alternative place to go and they will use it.

I know what you mean OP. Similar scenario when I take my grandchildren out (girls and boys aged 6 and under).

We're near (less than 5 min walk) a huge playing field (about 3 football pitches in size) with goal posts, a marked pitch and an area with swings, slides, zip wire, other play equipment which is accessed through gates as it is surrounded by waist high railings. Equipment at one end is obviously for older children and the other end is obviously for younger children - baby swings, short slides, small roundabout, marked out path to resemble roads and roundabouts etc. The railed off play area is surrounded by a ring of dog dirt - but that's another thread.

It's generally older boys with footballs who ruin the atmosphere when I take my grandchildren there - yes inside the equipped play area, yes kicking hard football's aggressively where the little ones play. What is it with sending footballs a mile high without any control of where they land?

It's hilarious.

It clearly states at the younger side of the play area that the equipment is for children 0-4 yrs. My 6 yr old granddaughter goes off to play on the older section of the play area or sometimes sits with the younger ones on the roundabout or supervises them on the slides. Sometimes the equipment is inaccessible as teenagers are sat on it - smoking, vaping, swearing and spitting - not using the equipment (not meant for their age range), just sitting on it.

Personally, I don't think children's play equipment is a suitable place for anyone to be slamming footballs about or for creating thick clouds of pollution for the little ones to walk through.

When this is pointed out politely to those concerned it's met with abuse. 'F* off fat cow.' is common. This from very unobservant louts - for a start I'm not fat? Or a cow?

This is in fact not a bad area - house prices are high here and the secondary schools closest are single sex. But it's definitely a bad attitude area.

There are goal posts to play around just a footstep away.

Don't try and justify that behaviour - it's just unacceptable.

@arethereanyleftatall

Except not 1 person has said that

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl
"Even if there was a free space to play football (as there is in most parks these days)? Inevitably a ball will roll into the toddler bit but hey that’s life, sometimes things don’t go to plan and Perfect Toddler Princesses will cope much better than their parents."

As the OP says there is space away from the play area where the kids are going, I've got the impression she actually wants them to go there and use that space. Not the playground area, with play equipment meant for toddlers to use, which the kids are currently using for playing footie in.

In your school do you let the older ones play footie around and between play equipment meant for the 4year olds? We don't at mine, because that's not the place for a game of footie due to possibility of injuries.

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche i do think it’s different when teens are lounging on baby play equipment smoking. That’s not ok. And it’s bloody annoying. But that’s not what these boys in the OP are doing.