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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think parents who let their kids 'play out' are just completely abdicating responsibility for their kids' behaviour?

571 replies

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 09:05

We have a little walled playground near our house - little climbing frame, slide, stepping stones, toddler swing, very clearly aimed at a young primary/pre-school audience.

It's currently being completely taken over by a huge group of 10-12 preteen/early teen boys playing very rough games of football with real leather footballs. The bang the balls off the walls and hoof them in the air so they go careering everywhere at speed, they run around roughly after the ball pushing and shoving each other and getting in other people's personal space, they fight and shout aggressively and swear. Not a parent in sight of course so no-one to appeal to to get them to moderate their behaviour/find a more suitable venue (like say the massive park 5 minutes walk away). I've had a word now and again but generally just get mutinous stares and/or backchat. I can't really take my kids (2 and 6) there to play any more as it isn't safe for them and the atmosphere is so aggressive.

Why do people just turn their kids out of doors with no idea where they're going/what they're doing? It makes it impossible for other parents - either they have to tell your kid off for you (immediately in the wrong) or they simply have to either put up with inappropriate, loutish behaviour or give way to it and leave.

OP posts:
TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 12:04

I also haven’t repeated over and over (nor has anyone else) “boys should play football whoever they like”. Can you point me to that post please, or any similar post?

SantanaBinLorry · 14/02/2023 12:04

This!
I cant imagine i'd have to tell a bunch of kids more than once/twice in this scenario.
OP, my advice, honestly - learn to retrieve a ball and hoof it yourself out way out of play, stash it on your pram and walk away or pop it. That'll learn em.
If either of my tw/eens came home saying a scary woman had stolen their bal for kicking it about in the toddler play areal, i'd probably tell them it served the right Grin

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 14/02/2023 12:05

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl

So why don't they play there then?

If they did there wouldn't have been a post about inconsiderate boys between the ages of 8 and 12 years playing football aggressively within the confines of the walled play equipment.

Tidsleytiddy · 14/02/2023 12:05

SantanaBinLorry · 14/02/2023 12:04

This!
I cant imagine i'd have to tell a bunch of kids more than once/twice in this scenario.
OP, my advice, honestly - learn to retrieve a ball and hoof it yourself out way out of play, stash it on your pram and walk away or pop it. That'll learn em.
If either of my tw/eens came home saying a scary woman had stolen their bal for kicking it about in the toddler play areal, i'd probably tell them it served the right Grin

Damn right

SantanaBinLorry · 14/02/2023 12:06

"I don’t really see a big issue with a group of kids feeling a bit reluctant to cross particular adults, if I’m honest."

Original poster
MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 12:06

tashac89 · 14/02/2023 10:33

The provisions for kids 10-13 are beyond a joke. In my town we have some football fields close by that are dominated by 15+ kids and adult men. We have parks that younger children play and clearly it seems to be an issue with many if preteen kids play in them. No matter how many times you bitch at the council, it doesn't change. It's the same for everything. There's no childcare for kids in thar age range either where I am. They reach 9/10 and suddenly you're supposed to either keep them with you at all times or you allow them a little freedom. Neither is ok, someone is always going to have a problem. If you keep them home or go everywhere with them, you're stifling them and not allowing them to develop independence. If you let them go out, you're a shitty parent and not supervising them. You can talk to kids till you're blue in the face, most of what you say goes out the window when they get together with a group of other kids all thinking they know better. All the talk of raising them to better. For the majority of kids, they are taught right from wrong. Parents do question their whereabouts and what they are up to. There are consequences for misbehaving.

And as for the girls being less aggressive, a group of girls cornered one of their classmates and put her in the hospital very recently in the town centre of where I live. They were year 8s. Girls are definitely not less aggressive.

And the reason that made news is because it is so very unusual. If every incident of a group of boys beating up another boy was on the news it would be daily coverage.

OP posts:
WiIson · 14/02/2023 12:06

Tidsleytiddy · 14/02/2023 12:04

All of you saying “but they’re only playing” have obviously never been tormented by endless ball games kicked up the side of your house by kids. Footballs flying into gardens and parked cars. It’s a nightmare. Their parents are sitting at home undisturbed whilst other people have to suffer the nuisance.

Then go out and explain why it's annoying and tell them to stop. Kicking a ball at someone's car or house isn't the same as playing footie in the park, where children are supposed to play, is it.

There really does seem to be some boy hate going on in this thread.

Botw1 · 14/02/2023 12:06

@arethereanyleftatall

Hope you did some stretching before that leap

😂

Marmite17 · 14/02/2023 12:07

Sorry I missed the low walls part. Can't they be made bigger? With some kind of sturdy trellises to let in light? Or chicken wire perimeter fence?

Tireddoggymum · 14/02/2023 12:07

If it’s a specific area for under 5s I personally would just take my children in there and just say’ excuse me but my children want to play in here safely,thank you for your cooperation,see you later guys ‘ .
I find that approach works well with teenagers,speak to them in a polite respectful way and they are more likely to cooperate.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 12:07

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 14/02/2023 12:05

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl

So why don't they play there then?

If they did there wouldn't have been a post about inconsiderate boys between the ages of 8 and 12 years playing football aggressively within the confines of the walled play equipment.

<sigh>

Thats my point.

They clearly AREN’T playing inbetween play equipment. Aside from the fact that wouldn’t be remotely feasible, OP’S OP states they’re nearby and the football keeps coming near her DC. So they have to be somewhere - her ridiculous embellishments since just further prove my belief that they are playing in a free space nearby, and not in fact ‘holding’ a football into a 2yo’s face

Tidsleytiddy · 14/02/2023 12:08

WiIson · 14/02/2023 12:06

Then go out and explain why it's annoying and tell them to stop. Kicking a ball at someone's car or house isn't the same as playing footie in the park, where children are supposed to play, is it.

There really does seem to be some boy hate going on in this thread.

Show quote history

Not at all. I have two adult boys. Yes we used to tell them to please stop and invariably they did but they’d be right back the next day

Marmite17 · 14/02/2023 12:09

Politeness doesn't stop stray footballs though.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 12:09

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 12:06

And the reason that made news is because it is so very unusual. If every incident of a group of boys beating up another boy was on the news it would be daily coverage.

Show quote history

And there we have it - OP just hates boys and casts them as ‘bad’.

IME of working in a school, girl and boy bullying and violence is pretty equal. But girls bullying other girls is always so much more nuanced and long lasting.

BethFromThisIsUs · 14/02/2023 12:09

Tell you what I really hate though.

Dads and sons (and it’s ALWAYS dads and sons in my experience) who stand at opposite ends of a busy public swimming pool throwing a ball backwards and forwards.

i don’t care if it is an unreasonable gripe. It drives me mad.

ShillyShallySherbet · 14/02/2023 12:10

YANBU I don’t agree that parents of older children and teenagers should accompany their children out to play but they should have brought them up to be respectful of others needs. I would have no qualms asking them to please be careful around small children playing and if they refused I would be contacting the council about it.

Tidsleytiddy · 14/02/2023 12:10

BethFromThisIsUs · 14/02/2023 12:09

Tell you what I really hate though.

Dads and sons (and it’s ALWAYS dads and sons in my experience) who stand at opposite ends of a busy public swimming pool throwing a ball backwards and forwards.

i don’t care if it is an unreasonable gripe. It drives me mad.

Yep. Thoughtless. Who wants that

iwantmyownicecreamvan · 14/02/2023 12:10

Have to say I know what you're talking about OP and twas ever thus. My lads are in their 30s now but when they were teens (not particularly interested in football) some other teens started playing football and rugby on the patch of grass next to our house.

My house is the end one, so whenever the ball went over my 6ft fence they started just climbing over to get it - they actually broke a couple of the panels doing this. I asked them not to do this, which meant that literally every 5 minutes one would be at the door asking for the ball. In desperation I said I would only give it back if parents asked (I thought maybe I'd inconvenience their parents for a change) but of course they just asked different parents every time. Their parents just told me they were just playing football and I should be grateful they weren't doing anything worse.🙄 If I pretended to be out they just climbed over again.

Annoyingly, not only was there a park nearby (these lads were about 15) but there was a similar patch of grass near one of their houses - but of course they didn't want to play there, presumably because they would have had to have been less fruity with their language.

I was a bit in despair - could get no work done at all in the evenings and weekends.

Then an ex police officer moved in opposite, he was also annoyed by them kicking the ball into his front garden. He watched them basically taking the piss and he must have known what buttons to press. Within a very short time we had had a meeting with the police, the council reinstated the no ball games sign which had been up originally but had disappeared, any children who continued playing there had letters sent home. I don't know what he did, but it transformed my life.

RedToothBrush · 14/02/2023 12:10

It's age appropriate and part of kids learning independence.

The idea that kids shouldn't play in public and should be supervised at all times is bloody nuts.

What are you proposing? Locking them indoors until their 18th birthday

The issue is with anti-social behaviour. That doesn't really sound like what you describe though. You describe teenagers who are fairly normal. And if they are playing footy they aren't up to shit. A certain amount of 'fighting' I'd question as to whether it's just normal teenage boy behaviour rather than going further to a point where it's problematic.

You've got a bad case of nimbyism going on there. You might want to get it checked out before it gets worse.

WiIson · 14/02/2023 12:11

Tidsleytiddy · 14/02/2023 12:08

Not at all. I have two adult boys. Yes we used to tell them to please stop and invariably they did but they’d be right back the next day

Show quote history

Then tell them you'll take it away if they don't stop.

BethFromThisIsUs · 14/02/2023 12:11

You've got a bad case of nimbyism going on there. You might want to get it checked out before it gets worse

Cringe 😬

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 12:11

BethFromThisIsUs · 14/02/2023 12:09

Tell you what I really hate though.

Dads and sons (and it’s ALWAYS dads and sons in my experience) who stand at opposite ends of a busy public swimming pool throwing a ball backwards and forwards.

i don’t care if it is an unreasonable gripe. It drives me mad.

I’d just swim in their way anyway 😂

I don’t mind playing in a swimming pool but what grinds my gears is people having a chat at the end of the lanes in lane swimming area! Blocking everyone coming their way. And not even kids, grown adults! I say “Excuse me the coffee shop is outside the changing rooms you can chat there”. My friend just swum into people doing this once and then kicked off them as she would the wall to turn around 🤣

WiIson · 14/02/2023 12:12

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 12:09

And there we have it - OP just hates boys and casts them as ‘bad’.

IME of working in a school, girl and boy bullying and violence is pretty equal. But girls bullying other girls is always so much more nuanced and long lasting.

Show quote history

I agree.

Tidsleytiddy · 14/02/2023 12:12

WiIson · 14/02/2023 12:11

Then tell them you'll take it away if they don't stop.

Show quote history

Then they’d just get another one. Honestly this went on for years. It’s stopped now thankfully because they’ve grown up or moved away but it was relentless

tattygrl · 14/02/2023 12:13

You're not unreasonable for personally disliking particular behaviour or there being groups of kids around, but you are unreasonable for thinking kids, especially older ones, shouldn't be allowed to play out unsupervised. Honestly, kids can't win. Either they're spoilt, lazy and should be playing out more like "we did in the good old days", or they're viewed as a public nuisance for playing out and making noise (heaven forbid!) without their parents hovering.

Kids making noise is simply part of life. What do you want, a quiet world outside? Not gonna happen. Let kids exist. Hovering parents doesn't do anyone any favours.