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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think parents who let their kids 'play out' are just completely abdicating responsibility for their kids' behaviour?

571 replies

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 09:05

We have a little walled playground near our house - little climbing frame, slide, stepping stones, toddler swing, very clearly aimed at a young primary/pre-school audience.

It's currently being completely taken over by a huge group of 10-12 preteen/early teen boys playing very rough games of football with real leather footballs. The bang the balls off the walls and hoof them in the air so they go careering everywhere at speed, they run around roughly after the ball pushing and shoving each other and getting in other people's personal space, they fight and shout aggressively and swear. Not a parent in sight of course so no-one to appeal to to get them to moderate their behaviour/find a more suitable venue (like say the massive park 5 minutes walk away). I've had a word now and again but generally just get mutinous stares and/or backchat. I can't really take my kids (2 and 6) there to play any more as it isn't safe for them and the atmosphere is so aggressive.

Why do people just turn their kids out of doors with no idea where they're going/what they're doing? It makes it impossible for other parents - either they have to tell your kid off for you (immediately in the wrong) or they simply have to either put up with inappropriate, loutish behaviour or give way to it and leave.

OP posts:
WiIson · 14/02/2023 11:52

LeandraDear · 14/02/2023 11:36

Sadly they might need a big grumpy Daddy to speak to them about playing footie in a little kiddies playground.

Or maybe a well mannered adult who could ask them politely. Or would you advocate a big grumpy daddy having a go at your kids?

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 11:54

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 14/02/2023 11:51

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl

Well there you go - you've contradicted yourself.

Yes - an open space.

Not around play equipment where small children are playing - as that is not an open space. By the very nature of grouped play equipment - it certainly isn't an open space.

An open playing field - that's an open space. Not Play equipment within a small walled area.

What I’m saying is I don’t believe that these boys are playing between the play equipment. They clearly ARE playing in an open space, just not far enough away for the OP.

BethFromThisIsUs · 14/02/2023 11:54

Teaandtoast3 · 14/02/2023 11:51

My experience is that sometimes kids are “lippy” without any provocation. I think those saying otherwise are a bit naive.

Disingenuous, more like

MiddleParking · 14/02/2023 11:54

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 09:51

As I say, mine being girls I anticipate a bit less of the aggressive games of football. As i say I don't think your avg 10yo needs escorting everywhere they go - but if you know your child is off to play footie with their mates in a children's playpark, that is a situation that needs supervising - not for the safety of the precious darling tweens, but for the safety/convenience of everyone else.

Like right now my 6yo is given to screaming her head off at a moments' notice. So I'm there to tell her to keep it down a bit as not everyone wants their eardrums split. Hopefully as she grows up this reinforcement of what is acceptable behaviour in public will start to have some effect on how she moderates her own behaviour, rather than me just chuck her onto the street to scream the odds and irritate people everywhere she goes, or get a flea in her ear from a random stranger about it. I think laying that groundwork of consideration for others is part of my job, not something she should just pick up as she goes along via negative reactions from strangers.

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You telling her not to scream now age 6 is not going to mean she’s unfailingly polite and considerate and never a pain in the arse to anyone when she’s 8 or 12 or whatever age these kids are. She might also like and/or be good at ball games, possibly even football. You have pretty strange and unrealistic ideas about children and parenting.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 11:55

LeandraDear · 14/02/2023 11:50

No point talking to ....... you have no idea what I am talking about as you have one idea in your head and are running with that.

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Maybe try explaining g what you DID mean because I’m not the only person who took from that ‘send a man to scare them away’

Fifi00 · 14/02/2023 11:55

Inastatus · 14/02/2023 11:49

Exactly @Fifi00 - I also mentioned about peer pressure in my earlier post.

OP you have experience with a 2 and 6 year old. With respect you haven’t got to the teenage years yet!

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Yes I see my role as preparing DD for adulthood in appropriate steps as no we won't live forever no one does. I see too many kids who have been coddled too much and just aren't prepared. Even as adults ! Helicopter parenting is very bad for children. If my parents died I would be very sad but no I'm not reliant on them in anyway , I would be able to go on and be fine. I see independent play as so important , it develops critical thinking , conflict resolution and problem solving.

Original poster
MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 11:55

AndEverWhoKnew · 14/02/2023 10:30

Don't small DC usually go to the park during the day or early afternoon? Teens go after school or after dinner. That's how it's always worked anywhere I've lived.

And if there's two parks within 5 mins of each other surely you just go to the one that's less busy if you don't want to ask the older DCs to move over/be careful.

My 6yo DD goes to ASC because I work. I pick her up with small DD on a weekday an we go for a play. We also go at any time of day in a weekend.

I do go to the other park just not all the time.

I do ask them to be careful. They don't.

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 14/02/2023 11:55

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 11:45

😆yes I have learned nothing of children in my 38 years of life and parenting of 2 of them. Bless my poor dear isolated heart. I'll skip back to my little house on the prairie now!

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Well you know nothing about parenting pubescent boys, do you? Or anything about them full stop it seems. I can only imagine the ridicule a 12 year old would get if Mummy took him down to the park and watched him play. Your attitude is beyond parody.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 11:56

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 11:55

My 6yo DD goes to ASC because I work. I pick her up with small DD on a weekday an we go for a play. We also go at any time of day in a weekend.

I do go to the other park just not all the time.

I do ask them to be careful. They don't.

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Well in that case you have to share the space with other children who also aren’t in school.

Original poster
MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 11:57

Blossomtoes · 14/02/2023 11:55

Well you know nothing about parenting pubescent boys, do you? Or anything about them full stop it seems. I can only imagine the ridicule a 12 year old would get if Mummy took him down to the park and watched him play. Your attitude is beyond parody.

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Not first hand no. And if what I have seen I in any way indicative of what's to be expected, thank goodness for that.

OP posts:
BethFromThisIsUs · 14/02/2023 11:57

I don’t really see a big issue with a group of kids feeling a bit reluctant to cross particular adults, if I’m honest.

Fifi00 · 14/02/2023 11:57

MiddleParking · 14/02/2023 11:54

You telling her not to scream now age 6 is not going to mean she’s unfailingly polite and considerate and never a pain in the arse to anyone when she’s 8 or 12 or whatever age these kids are. She might also like and/or be good at ball games, possibly even football. You have pretty strange and unrealistic ideas about children and parenting.

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Yes my 10 year old DD loves ball games and football. It's not exclusive to boys 🤣🤣

Marmite17 · 14/02/2023 11:57

Infants, have separate playground space from eg year 6s in schools for good reason. Reception age children have their own. The older kids aren't being malicious but it's just common sense that they could easily hurt tiny people who have far less spacial awareness/aren't looking where they're going. It just doesn't work for either age group. The older ones, also need space. By far the most likely to be injured are the youngest. Possibly siblings of the footballers.
The Parish Council where I am is in charge of parks so could be worth contacting them re fencing areas off/ putting age restriction signs up in both open spaces.
Sounds extreme and never thought I'd say this but police engagement with local community has dramatically improved where I am and they work with parish councils, attending joint meetings which are well publicised via the Nextdoor app.
Far less petty antisocial behaviour and their presence is mostly positive via visits to schools, local events etc.
I would try parish meetings, local MP. To improve services for both age groups and get get designated spaces for different age groups.

Original poster
MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 11:58

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 10:32

There’s a free space in a kids play park. They’re kids playing a kids game. How do you expect them to play football? Like the priests in Father Ted?

Honestly I’m wondering if anyone of you have ever even met any 12-13 year olds or if you were just born aged 30, knitting and tutting at everyone

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I like the way the age range of the kids under did ussion keeps getting pushed up and up to make their lack of supervision more acceptable. They'll be sixteen year olds with 5 o'clock stubble next.

OP posts:
MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 14/02/2023 11:59

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl

Maybe you have a short term memory problem?

The original post was about a small walled (i.e. enclosed) area of play equipment, aimed at the lower age range, being completely taken over by older boys playing football aggressively.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 11:59

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 11:57

Not first hand no. And if what I have seen I in any way indicative of what's to be expected, thank goodness for that.

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Why do you think it will be so different from parenting teenage girls?

As a mother of both, I am FAR less worried about DS being a teen than I am DD.

WiIson · 14/02/2023 12:00

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 11:57

Not first hand no. And if what I have seen I in any way indicative of what's to be expected, thank goodness for that.

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Ha ha. My teenager girl is far worse than my teenage boy. And you will have two. Enjoy that

arethereanyleftatall · 14/02/2023 12:01

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl
Out of interest, where else do you think your boys should be allowed to go, regardless of whether or not the place is designed for them? You've repeated over and over on this thread that they should be allowed to play football anywhere they like. What about girls changing rooms with the leisure centre rules of no boys over 8 for example - is that fine too?

WiIson · 14/02/2023 12:01

Kids generally get themselves to school in year 7. Age around 11. They're not supervised then either.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 12:01

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 14/02/2023 11:58

I like the way the age range of the kids under did ussion keeps getting pushed up and up to make their lack of supervision more acceptable. They'll be sixteen year olds with 5 o'clock stubble next.

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As opposed to lowering it by 4 years like you have?

How have I pushed the age range up? YOU said preteen and early teens. Therefore she 12-13 is a pretty accurate age range to refer to, yes?

watcherintherye · 14/02/2023 12:01

BethFromThisIsUs · 14/02/2023 11:47

Doesn’t need to be anything like threatening but I doubt they’ll get “lippy” with a grown man.

This is really ironic. Why do you think a grown man would be any more successful at remonstrating with children than a grown woman? Because he’s more imposing, intimidating, powerful? Isn’t that just the sort of behaviour that some posters are complaining about and say is being encouraged by parents of boys?

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 12:02

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 14/02/2023 11:59

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl

Maybe you have a short term memory problem?

The original post was about a small walled (i.e. enclosed) area of play equipment, aimed at the lower age range, being completely taken over by older boys playing football aggressively.

She also said there’s a free space behind some benches. But clearly it’s still not far away enough for her

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 12:03

arethereanyleftatall · 14/02/2023 12:01

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl
Out of interest, where else do you think your boys should be allowed to go, regardless of whether or not the place is designed for them? You've repeated over and over on this thread that they should be allowed to play football anywhere they like. What about girls changing rooms with the leisure centre rules of no boys over 8 for example - is that fine too?

Eh???

Did you mean me??

Im not sure I’ve ever implied boys can wander into girls changing rooms? What the actual fuck kind of reach is that?

WiIson · 14/02/2023 12:04

What about girls changing rooms with the leisure centre rules of no boys over 8 for example - is that fine too?.

Wtf? Why is this being shoehorned in? I doubt many 12 year old boys playing footie with their mates would want to go anywhere near the girls toilets.

Tidsleytiddy · 14/02/2023 12:04

All of you saying “but they’re only playing” have obviously never been tormented by endless ball games kicked up the side of your house by kids. Footballs flying into gardens and parked cars. It’s a nightmare. Their parents are sitting at home undisturbed whilst other people have to suffer the nuisance.