To think parents who let their kids 'play out' are just completely abdicating responsibility for their kids' behaviour?

[MaybeIWillFuckOffThen]

We have a little walled playground near our house - little climbing frame, slide, stepping stones, toddler swing, very clearly aimed at a young primary/pre-school audience.

It's currently being completely taken over by a huge group of 10-12 preteen/early teen boys playing very rough games of football with real leather footballs. The bang the balls off the walls and hoof them in the air so they go careering everywhere at speed, they run around roughly after the ball pushing and shoving each other and getting in other people's personal space, they fight and shout aggressively and swear. Not a parent in sight of course so no-one to appeal to to get them to moderate their behaviour/find a more suitable venue (like say the massive park 5 minutes walk away). I've had a word now and again but generally just get mutinous stares and/or backchat. I can't really take my kids (2 and 6) there to play any more as it isn't safe for them and the atmosphere is so aggressive.

Why do people just turn their kids out of doors with no idea where they're going/what they're doing? It makes it impossible for other parents - either they have to tell your kid off for you (immediately in the wrong) or they simply have to either put up with inappropriate, loutish behaviour or give way to it and leave.

Well complain to the council for anti social behaviour then. It's hardly the same as boys playing footie in the park, where kids are supposed to be, is it. They can't win really can they. Unless they stay indoors or only go out with adult supervision in case their presence upsets someone 🙄

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl

Deep sigh.

If they are getting in people's personal space they are therefore too close and intimidating.

OP feels she can't go there because of their behaviour despite it being a walled area containing play equipment aimed at the age her children are. Why should she and her children miss out because boys of a certain age who behave aggressively haven't got a clue?

Yeah I was a weird, dreamy, bookish kid. I had a few friends who were the same as I got into my teens, lots of them at uni when I found my tribe. Of them I selected a weird, dreamy, bookish partner and had two kids. I'd love to imagine they'll grow up to be wildly outgoing, sporty, extroverted women but I fear genetics and early socialisation may be against them! Fortunately there is (theoretically) a principle of tolerance and acceptance for weirdos nowadays, and if they do follow my appalling weird and bookish example they won't be entirely ostracised from society. One can only hope.

We have a small park round the corner from the house and another larger park 10/15 minutes walk away. My 9 and 10 year old were allowed to go to the smaller park close by but not the bigger park - could it be these kids have a similar restriction in terms of location and so need to play in the smaller park because they aren’t allowed to go as far as the big park?

Sharing public space is tricky, but it does sound like they’re just playing football. My DD would kick the ball very high etc as part of the game. I don’t sit at the park and watch because at 10 and 11 (now) they need room to grow and develop some degree of independence within parameters (eg how far they are allowed to wander).

This! It's like people want to be able to pretend others don't exist in the world, and have every right to use it and make noise as anyone else. Like when people protest there being crying babies in public.

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl
"I just don’t believe these boys, who are being ‘rough’ and ‘flying about’ and being fast are playing football within the confines of a tiny space between play equipment. If they were they wouldn’t be rough and flying about.

What I suspect is that they ARE playing next to the little park, and the ball rolls by the OP’s toddler occasionally.

Nonone should be playing football in a muddy clearing, it’s dangerous and filthy and probably full of dog shit"

So you don't believe the OP then?

Read the OPs first post again. They describe "a little walled playground near our house - little climbing frame, slide, stepping stones, toddler swing, very clearly aimed at a young primary/pre-school audience.

It's currently being completely taken over by a huge group of 10-12 preteen/early teen boys playing very rough games of football with real leather footballs. The bang the balls off the walls and hoof them in the air so they go careering everywhere at speed, they run around roughly after the ball pushing and shoving each other and getting in other people's personal space, they fight and shout aggressively and swear. "

I'm choosing to take the OP at their word, about their experience. If it's as they describe in their first post, then that is wholly unacceptable behaviour when OP is present with their children wanting to use the facilities as they were intended to be used.

To defend it comes across as "what is my pre-teen supposed to do?"
If there are no facilities for that age group or they don't feel safe going to the larger park, that is something to take up with the council. It's not ok to lump the problem of no space for pre teens on pre schoolers and their parents.

Pre teens fill a little kids play area that's always empty anyways. They litter, shout, throw stuff around and generally try and intimidate you as you walk around the field. But to be honest, it's expected and kind of concentrated in that one spot...so it doesn't bother me that much, I know two of the kids parents and have told them they kids are acting like dickheads and they have thanked me and been embarrassed. Don't know what else parents are supposed to do. They are told to get out off their screens and then they dick about but kids at that age are particularly vile.

A group of children accidentally kicking a ball the wrong way sometimes shouldn’t be intimidating. If OP finds it intimidating that’s clearly (and it really IS clear from her posts on this thread) her anxieties - and THATS why her kids are missing out. Why should a group of boys having fun and meaning no harm (and causing no distress unless a football triggers you) have to stop their play because a woman nearby sees boys as inferior and is OTT about her precious Princess being near a football?

Because her teenage girls will be skipping along an isolated beach singing in their teenage years, a la “Sound of Music” whereas these mobbish, hooligan boys are … playing team games requiring cooperation, tactics, and communication. While exercising.

The way children play varies as they get older. Boys in that age category - although physically large - are a few years behind girls in terms of maturity. They’ll catch up soon.

Is it a council run playground? I think you should make them aware.There is usually a sign saying no ball games?

Surely there are more than just the two options - helicopter parenting or letting kids learn independence whilst pissing about aimlessly annoying others, though, @BethDuttonsTwin?

You can teach your child good behaviour and respect, and let them know that increasing independence comes with increased responsibilities, and that poor behaviour will lead to loss of that new independence. I didn't follow my boys around everywhere once they were teenagers, but dh and I had taught them our standards, and they knew that we wouldn't turn a blind eye to bad behaviour if it was reported back to us - and it would lead to consequences, of course. And despite us living in a fairly small village, where people tend to know each other, we were never told our boys were behaving unacceptably.

No I don’t believe the OP. Who has also said there’s a free space behind some benches BTW. She’s changed her story quite a bit on this thread so it’s fair to believe she’s not being wholly truthful about the park set up.

Most park have a large free space. This one obviously does. It just isn’t far away enough for the OP and she sees it as a toddler space

You think older kids should still be escorted to the park by their mummies? Seriously.

because a woman nearby sees boys as inferior and is OTT about her precious Princess being near a football?

It would seem so.

😂😂

CherLloyd you are becoming my favourite poster and not just because of your awesome username

Yep. That'll work...

It's a park. Childrdn play in parks.,You could approach your local counvil and ask them to put up a sign no ball games. Dont know if a sign woukl be very effective though. I doubt they will be playing with leather balls.,

Also, as a high school teacher, allowing kids in this age group to develop independence is really important. Supervision levels at high school when not in class is basically non existent. They will be allowed to leave school premises at lunchtime, alone. They will likely walk to and from school, alone. You can’t go from supervising them at the park to giving them complete independence to do these things. That’s ridiculous. Even my 7 year old now wants a bit independence - eg to go into a small shop alone to buy a sweet while I wait outside, or not to have me hovering over her in the park.

Thank you! I was concerned I’d be viewed as a Cher Lloyd super fan by those who don’t get the reference!

I think you’re making a lot of assumptions about what you think their parents aren’t doing. But all negative assumptions.

I would more likely think the parents do ask where they’re going, what they’re doing and who with…. they just don’t know that it’s causing issues.

I can fully imagine a boy saying “I’m going to the little park for a kick about with so-and-so”. Then coming home and saying “it was quiet down there, just a couple of little kids with their mum”. Hence parents think it’s all ok. I think there’s a difference between being unaware and not caring.

my kids are 3 and 7, and I’ll be very direct to older kids in the park “come on, that’s far too rough around the little ones, calm it down” or if they swore at me I’d be asking for their parents details. But I’d never expect kids that age to be supervised at the park by parents!

DISGUSTING!!!!

No I was not home schooled. Was low key bullied by most kids at primary and secondary school because I liked reading and used long words. So I do know what kids can be like in packs. But I did have friends, usually about 2-4 good friends who were as odd as I was in one way or another. And when I got to uni and the relentless tribalism settled down a bit (or at least diversified) I had lots of friends.

I'm scared of the ball hiting my two year old, knocking her down and making her bleed. As has happened on more than one occasion. At which point cue much apologetic behaviour by boys (looking very worried they're going to be "in trouble") but no moderation to future behaviour. I don't think being afraid of my child getting needlessly hurt makes me all that abnormal but am happy to be corrected!

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl

You obviously have no open spaces for your sons nearby. So you think it's acceptable for them to intimate toddlers.

In my granddaughter's school there are six playgrounds and a field. Football is only allowed on the field (not during Spring term). Children of different ages are separated at school because it's intimidating when the older children (yes usually boys - I'm a retired primary school teacher, yr 6) are rough housing - don't say they don't.

Why do schools not allow football to be played in/anywhere near the nursery playground?

Mine are 9 and 10 - they've been out at the local little park this morning unsupervised. It's half term, I knew where they were and they knew the expectations in terms of what time to come back (and I can keep tabs on them and call them if required via smartwatches). It's important that the eldest in particular gets to build up some independence prior to going to secondary school for them - but I wouldn't be prepared to allow them onto the slightly further away park as that one has a real problem with older teens and anti social behaviour.

Basically you really don't like boys... don't like football... think girls are delicate little flowers - oh bless.

It's half term - I'd rather kids were out and about for elements of the day than stuck in front of screens. I also tend to encourage mine to go over to the park on the morning, because the local teenagers who can cause some bother, don't appear out of bed until at least midday.

Funny you didn’t mention your bleeding toddler in your OP. Just something about an ‘aggressive atmosphere’ being the reason you don’t feel you can take them anymoreZ

OP, I wonder if your childhood has made you a little adverse to people different than you especially those who seemingly are popular and play ‘popular’ games?