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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really fucked off that my time doesn't matter

157 replies

Imlookingatapicture · 13/02/2023 20:53

Name changed as outing... hence the terrible user name 🤣

Me: Single no children
Friend A: married with children 9 & 7
Friend B: married with child aged 3

I've arranged with friend (A) a Sunday meet up twice. Paid deposit twice.

First time eldest had sporting event so she cancelled the morning we were due for lunch. Fine, I explained I'd paid deposit, she paid it back straight away.

Rearranged, for last Sunday. Got a message on sat to say son had an event, but 'don't worry I've transferred you deposit'. I turned down a different Friend to attend, it's not really about the £5 deposit....

So I'm a little peeved when she asks if we rearrange can we invite mutual friend (B). Yes, that's fine.

Friend A works part time, friend B SAHM - all live pretty much in same town. I work full time. 2 days a week I'm in the office which is a 2 hour commute each way, train at 6.45 so super early start.

Friends A&B have rearranged for the day I'm in the office, and the next day. So I get in just after 7, I leave the house at 6 the next day. I explained (again) that that is the one day that's not good for me as will be knackered and up early next day.

Friend B - 'haha, you'll be fine. Count yourself lucky you won't be up all night with kids!'

Friend A has responded with a laugh emoji.

O can literally do any other day other than a Wednesday. I feel I've been cancelled on at last minute twice, but 'it's OK I've given you the deposit back'. And now my time is a laughing emoji.

I get that it's more difficult to arrange with kids, I really do. But I feel like they think I have nothing else going on.

AiBU to be quite fecked off at this stage??

OP posts:
Indáirire · 13/02/2023 20:56

Of course you're right to be annoyed. I think you're being far too nice. I would have been very annoyed initially due to cancelling for the son's event. I would just tell them you can't make it and if they don't like it they can fuck off. I say this as a parent. Irrelevant if you're child free or not, your time is important.

BoringLittleMe · 13/02/2023 20:58

Not unreasonable. Yes, being a parent can be very tiring, but that doesn't mean that your time is more important than someone else's. They've chosen your worst evening time- and energy-wise and should be trying to accommodate everyone in the plans.

I don't understand why Friend A had to cancel short notice due to sporting events; are these not scheduled much further in advance?

PatientZorro · 13/02/2023 20:59

I think you should call them
out on it explicitly and explain how they’ve behaved as if your time has no value. It’s really out of order and they should be ashamed of themselves.

SalviaOfficinalis · 13/02/2023 21:00

I’m not following why she keeps cancelling for sporting events… surely they’re planned in advance?

But YANBU at all.

MeinKraft · 13/02/2023 21:00

There no point telling us; tell them how you feel.

Cantbebotheredwithausername · 13/02/2023 21:01

I assume she must've known about the sporting events in advance and been able to plan accordingly, if she had bothered?

As a mother of a young child, I absolutely HATE to cancel on my friends (especially those without children), but I've had to do so a few times due to illness. I'd never be stoop to that level of laziness with my planning, though. You're more than right to be pissed.

YANBU. Definitely.

BananaSpanner · 13/02/2023 21:02

They are using their kids as a front for their flakiness/rudeness. The sporting event excuse was probably crap as they would have known about that well before the day.

Original poster
Imlookingatapicture · 13/02/2023 21:02

Eldest son is very successful at said event - think being picked nationally. So I would have thought plenty of advance warning, but then I'm not a parent so don't know how these things work

OP posts:
nutbrownhare15 · 13/02/2023 21:03

'as I have said, this is the one night that is not good for me. Whether or not I have kids isn't the issue here. If you don't want to rearrange I hope you both have a good night. In the future it would be good to factor in kids appointments into us making weekend plans as Iast minute cancellations mean I can't make the most of my limited time off work'

ShirleyPhallus · 13/02/2023 21:03

You’re right to be annoyed, your time is just as important as someone with kids

But I would roll my eyes a bit at someone without children saying how tired they are from an early start. Know your audience!

EarringsandLipstick · 13/02/2023 21:04

Regarding the sporting event, not necessarily - details for my DC matches only confirmed the day before (tho I'd know they'd be on at some point).

However - it's appallingly rude. I absolutely hate the idea that kids trump everything else. I can't make plans because I do have DC with multiple sports & no other parent to help - so I don't. If I did make a plan, I'd stick to it, and they are also thoughtless idiots for not taking your commute into account.

Tell them.

imsureineverdo · 13/02/2023 21:05

They are really disrespecting you, it's not on. If I'd cancelled on someone twice I'd bend over backwards to make sure I got the third time perfect!

JupiterFortified · 13/02/2023 21:05

YANBU.

They sound insufferable: the sort who think you can’t possibly be tired unless you have children. I’d tell them you can’t go.

Lepore · 13/02/2023 21:07

ShirleyPhallus · 13/02/2023 21:03

You’re right to be annoyed, your time is just as important as someone with kids

But I would roll my eyes a bit at someone without children saying how tired they are from an early start. Know your audience!

People without children can be tired as well. Some people without children will be more tired than people with children.

JupiterFortified · 13/02/2023 21:07

ShirleyPhallus · 13/02/2023 21:03

You’re right to be annoyed, your time is just as important as someone with kids

But I would roll my eyes a bit at someone without children saying how tired they are from an early start. Know your audience!

But why the eye roll? Can’t someone without kids be tired? If you’re tired you’re tired, the reason is irrelevant.

stayathomer · 13/02/2023 21:07

As someone who regularly had to cancel on my friends because of kids being sick and would feel guilty as hell for it yaddddnbu. And there count yourself lucky comment and laugh? Please tell me this just happened and you can reply? Because they need a ‘ no, I don’t have kids but my time isn’t any less important as a result! You know I need to be in work, can we please organise a time that suits all three of us? Lol’ (the lol is petty but necessary;))

Original poster
Imlookingatapicture · 13/02/2023 21:09

ShirleyPhallus · 13/02/2023 21:03

You’re right to be annoyed, your time is just as important as someone with kids

But I would roll my eyes a bit at someone without children saying how tired they are from an early start. Know your audience!

I might have phrased that wrong.

It's not that I don't appreciate how tiring it is with a young child, it's that this is the only night of the week I have asked that we don't plan things due to my schedule.

I'm explaining it wrong again :( ..... but they have another 6 nights to chose from

OP posts:
UdoU · 13/02/2023 21:10

Please tell me you’ve said you’re not going? They sound like dismissive teats..

JupiterFortified · 13/02/2023 21:11

stayathomer · 13/02/2023 21:07

As someone who regularly had to cancel on my friends because of kids being sick and would feel guilty as hell for it yaddddnbu. And there count yourself lucky comment and laugh? Please tell me this just happened and you can reply? Because they need a ‘ no, I don’t have kids but my time isn’t any less important as a result! You know I need to be in work, can we please organise a time that suits all three of us? Lol’ (the lol is petty but necessary;))

I love the lol, it’s a nice touch haha

FourBoysAndAFeline · 13/02/2023 21:12

Yeah no, fuck them and their shit.

Original poster
Imlookingatapicture · 13/02/2023 21:12

UdoU · 13/02/2023 21:10

Please tell me you’ve said you’re not going? They sound like dismissive teats..

Not replied so far

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 13/02/2023 21:12

Imlookingatapicture · 13/02/2023 21:09

I might have phrased that wrong.

It's not that I don't appreciate how tiring it is with a young child, it's that this is the only night of the week I have asked that we don't plan things due to my schedule.

I'm explaining it wrong again :( ..... but they have another 6 nights to chose from

Show quote history

You’re not explaining it wrong at all Flowers

FourBoysAndAFeline · 13/02/2023 21:13

Imlookingatapicture · 13/02/2023 21:09

I might have phrased that wrong.

It's not that I don't appreciate how tiring it is with a young child, it's that this is the only night of the week I have asked that we don't plan things due to my schedule.

I'm explaining it wrong again :( ..... but they have another 6 nights to chose from

Show quote history

You aren't explaining things wrong in the slightest. Do not apologise.

You're entitled to feel tired, overworked and knackered without kids!

Scarydinosaurs · 13/02/2023 21:14

It’s bullshit and rude.

I would reply “no, that won’t suit me. If you don’t want to find a different day that is no problem. I hope you have a nice time.”

IslandLife88 · 13/02/2023 21:15

They're twats who do not value your friendship. Just cancel and move on. They'll be posting in mumsnet moaning they've lost all their friends soon and they don't know why