Twattiest colleague ever?

[PixiePolka]

AIBU to think I work with the biggest twat ever?

A couple of weeks ago I slept in and was going to be a bit late for work. In my half asleep panic I was trying to come up with an excuse but all I could think of was to say there was a big traffic jam on my way to work as no-one in my team lives in my direction to say otherwise.

I was quickly googling to try and find a photo of a traffic jam on my phone so it looked like I was in a big queue to give me time to get a shower. I tried finding a photo that looked like it had been taken from inside my car model (a renault) but couldn't so instead I scrolled down for one that looked as if I'd stuck my phone out of the car window and taken one.

I posted the photo on our team whatsapp with caption saying "sorry really horrendous traffic this morning so will be a few mins late" with that monkey emoji with hands over it's eyes. My manager saw it and said something along the lines of "no worries PixiePolka take your time and get here safe" and I thought that I was off the hook and quickly got in the shower.

Anyway by the time I got out literally 3 mins later all hell had broken loose on the team chat. I'd somehow posted a picture of a french road with cars on the other side of the road and french number plates. My manager had obviously not noticed but this annoying older bloke on our team had clearly scrutinised the picture and started making wisecracks on the chat like "you'll be more than a few minutes late Pixie - you still need to get through the chunnel" and "any chance you could pick up some pain au chocolat from the boulangerie" which totally dropped me in it as my manager hadn't even noticed.

Thing is two weeks later this bloke still won't let it lie and when it was my turn to get Friday treats he said in front of everyone including our director "perhaps you could get some freshly baked croissants on your way in tomorrow" and everyone started laughing so it had to be explained to the big boss which made me look really bad for lying. Every day he makes about three crap jokes about me travelling in from France.

Also now when he sees me go into the toilet he starts singing this stupid french song about having no toilet paper with the chorus "Ou est le papier".

I just want to make him stop without letting him know he's getting to me. Any suggestions?

Thank you @PixiePolka for making me belly laugh after a rubbish day of health anxiety worries and baby vomit.

If this genuine, I’m sorry you’re the butt of the jokes but I would just own it. It’s hilarious, it shows you’re human. Don’t worry about it and embrace it. C’est la vie!

Tit!!!

You made up a big daft lie,with an accompanying photo and now he’s justifiably taking the piss
Just channel you’re best Emily in Paris vibe

He sounds hilarious sorry!

Make a couple of french jokes back when boss isn't there, then it'll die down.

Sorry but I’d have to change jobs. I’d be MORTIFIED. Your colleague sounds quite a laugh to be honest and why not call you out?? A mild lie is fine but going to the extent of fabricating evidence is just weird and doesn’t paint you in a good light.

You’re a grown adult - why did you lie rather than hold your hands up and say ‘slept in - my bad’?

YABU and tbh your colleague sounds like quite good banter.

This is all your own fault

A couple of jokes about it, fair enough. Going on and on about it is just stupid.

Probably someone who thinks Mrs Brown's Boys is funny.

@Euchariahere DM taught us to just say enough, and to remember what you say. A little light embellishment if you must, but never enough to have it bite you.

Ha ha, only read first page, but I think bringing in croissants is a great idea. Own it
If he keeps going on say cheerfully esku voo amoozay tray faseeelmon? In the style of lauren tate

She taught you well 😅😇😉

So you were going to be late for work and instead of getting a wiggle on you decided to have a shower and waste even more time hunting on your phone for pictures of a traffic jam taken from inside your particular model of car?!

Imagine being this ridiculous because you slept in late. Get a grip.

You deserve a croissant fine for lying.

Thank you. This brought tears to my eyes 😂

Sorry but you were really stupid Hahahaha

You shouldn’t have lied… but three jokes a day for 2 weeks is a bit much. He could have messaged you privately but decided to be a prick.

next time, ask him if he has any other hobbies to pursue or fixate on as he seems so totally obsessed with you. Absolute dick!

think of a couple of quick witted responses that will truly embarrass him… he will soon stop

Well that story, which you told with flair OP, has totally cracked me up.

So funny.

Unfortunately you have learned the harsh lesson of keep your lies very simple.

The slagging is one thing, in front of the boss is another.

I guess just woosar so to speak, and try to eg just go very nice dear ect

You'd have got to work sooner if you hadn't titted about looking for the perfect photo for the WhatsApp group. To be fair, although you slipped up on the photo you chose in the end, the amount of attention that went into choosing it was admirable.

Right ok....

And you haven't been disciplined for lying ??

Zut alors as nobody actually says in France! This is actually the best thing I have read all day. It's so funny and your colleague sounds brilliant. I don't think you will ever live this down even if you do style it out with croissants and berets! Bonne chance with it all anyway!!!!

Oh dear. You overegged the pudding! Next time a simple, stuck in traffic, running late text will suffice.

Absolutely a great post. Hope it’s true.
at my work you would hear about this non stop til you retired, then you would get a leaving card written in French.

Bring him in an egg, and tell him you’ve had “un œuf” of his bad jokes 😂