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AIBU?

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Original poster

Twattiest colleague ever?

290 replies

PixiePolka · 13/02/2023 19:12

AIBU to think I work with the biggest twat ever?

A couple of weeks ago I slept in and was going to be a bit late for work. In my half asleep panic I was trying to come up with an excuse but all I could think of was to say there was a big traffic jam on my way to work as no-one in my team lives in my direction to say otherwise.

I was quickly googling to try and find a photo of a traffic jam on my phone so it looked like I was in a big queue to give me time to get a shower. I tried finding a photo that looked like it had been taken from inside my car model (a renault) but couldn't so instead I scrolled down for one that looked as if I'd stuck my phone out of the car window and taken one.

I posted the photo on our team whatsapp with caption saying "sorry really horrendous traffic this morning so will be a few mins late" with that monkey emoji with hands over it's eyes. My manager saw it and said something along the lines of "no worries PixiePolka take your time and get here safe" and I thought that I was off the hook and quickly got in the shower.

Anyway by the time I got out literally 3 mins later all hell had broken loose on the team chat. I'd somehow posted a picture of a french road with cars on the other side of the road and french number plates. My manager had obviously not noticed but this annoying older bloke on our team had clearly scrutinised the picture and started making wisecracks on the chat like "you'll be more than a few minutes late Pixie - you still need to get through the chunnel" and "any chance you could pick up some pain au chocolat from the boulangerie" which totally dropped me in it as my manager hadn't even noticed.

Thing is two weeks later this bloke still won't let it lie and when it was my turn to get Friday treats he said in front of everyone including our director "perhaps you could get some freshly baked croissants on your way in tomorrow" and everyone started laughing so it had to be explained to the big boss which made me look really bad for lying. Every day he makes about three crap jokes about me travelling in from France.

Also now when he sees me go into the toilet he starts singing this stupid french song about having no toilet paper with the chorus "Ou est le papier".

I just want to make him stop without letting him know he's getting to me. Any suggestions?

OP posts:
ChrisPPancake · 13/02/2023 20:16

The colleague is not the twat in this situation.

ItsCalledAConversation · 13/02/2023 20:16

This has properly made me chortle. No idea what you should do, sorry.

SillySausage81 · 13/02/2023 20:17

AffIt · 13/02/2023 20:02

It is very funny... I would definitely be bringing croissants and pain au chocolats to the next meeting and beginning my opening remarks with a sunny 'bonjour!'.

OP, you got caught out, it happens, but I think just throwing your hands up and saying 'okay, you got me!' would be the best plan.

And keep lies simple, it's easier that way. 😉😄

Yes, this! Either run with it or just lie down and accept your fate - you got caught out and so this is the consequence: you have to put up with twattish jokes for a while.

I know it must be really fucking tedious for you by now, but to be frank it's hilarious for everyone else! Sorry 😆

Euchariahere · 13/02/2023 20:17

The twattiest colleague award goes to.......YOU OP!!!

This was hilarious to read. An amateur fail indeed. If you have to lie make sure u do a good job of it ey!

anomaly23 · 13/02/2023 20:18

Why not just say you slept in 😂

Justmeandthedog1 · 13/02/2023 20:18

why did you have to do a photograph? Surely just on my way, stuck in traffic, be there asap is sufficient?

Hankunamatata · 13/02/2023 20:21

You made a total fool of yourself. Your just going to need to ride it out and be thankful your boss hasn't pulled u up

LightSpeeds · 13/02/2023 20:22

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 13/02/2023 19:29

In my industry, the next day would have seen your desk draped in the French flag, memes of snails on the WhatsApp, and we’d have sung La Marseillaise as you walked in.

You got caught out - should have owned it, laughed and indeed brought croissant in the next day.

😂

WeAreTheHeroes · 13/02/2023 20:22

The joke is definitely on you OP! I'd take pastries in on Friday if I were you.

Daizie · 13/02/2023 20:23

I'm absolutely howling reading this. Your colleague is my type of colleague he would have me wetting myself daily!

SenecaFallsRedux · 13/02/2023 20:23

older bloke

What does his age have to do with it? Perhaps as he is older, he is well-traveled and been to France a few times, OP. Is that it?

PeanutButterSmoothie · 13/02/2023 20:23

He sounds like a pain (au chocolat) in the arse but I think you brought this upon yourself if I'm honest.

Heronwatcher · 13/02/2023 20:24

I like the sound of him TBH! Why an earth did you send a photo?

Tillow4ever · 13/02/2023 20:25

How late were you when you woke up? How long did you spend googling, considering you were only trying to gain 3 mins for a shower? How long have you worked for this company, and have you ever been late before?

The answers to these determine how much of a Twat YOU are. You're colleague sounds hilarious.

Euchariahere · 13/02/2023 20:25

Justmeandthedog1 · 13/02/2023 20:18

why did you have to do a photograph? Surely just on my way, stuck in traffic, be there asap is sufficient?

See its the photo that gave it away. In my mind if someone sent a picture (without them in it) I would feel it was unnecessary which would then lead me to thinking it was a lie even if she hadn't of cocked it up by sending a pic of a road in France. It's trying too hard when it need not be so it's a giveaway in itself. That's what makes the lie worse is that she really tried hard to deceive. Nobody would of thought anything of it if she sent a simple text "stuck in traffic be there as soon as sorry!"
I remember reading about the art of lying in essence people wrongly believe lies are more convincing the more detailed they are but it is actually the opposite.
The take home is this:- to lie convincingly keep it simple or risk getting caught out.

Twawmyarse2 · 13/02/2023 20:25

Also now when he sees me go into the toilet he starts singing this stupid french song about having no toilet paper with the chorus "Ou est le papier".

Heehee, I'd totally laugh along with this - I have a very juvenile sense of humour!

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 13/02/2023 20:26

Your OP is hilarious!!

Sounds like the kind of person I’d prefer to work with as he sounds like a good laugh.

I think the REAL issue here OP is that you’re mad at yourself for cocking up

PeachesPudding · 13/02/2023 20:28

People who lie often over embellish the truth!! You got caught out. A photo was entirely unnecessary 😂🚙🇫🇷

Brefugee · 13/02/2023 20:28

the only thing to do is go along with it, come in with a beret, moustache and string of garlic? or tray of croissants.

And blimey, Next time write like a grown up "sorry, going to be a bit late today, see you all later" and that's it. Never explain unless boss wants to know. Then tell them, and only them, sorry, you had a bad night and slept in by accident.

JudgeJ · 13/02/2023 20:30

SnarkyBag · 13/02/2023 19:18

Ha ha that’s brilliant! To be honest I don’t blame him for milking it a bit! The best fibs are ones kept simple. You over egged it with the photo.

The motto for lying is always Keep it simple stupid!

hiyaKen · 13/02/2023 20:31

He's a twat
You're a twat

BMW6 · 13/02/2023 20:31

Oh what a tangled web we weave
When first we practice to deceive

You got caught out good and proper OP, better learn from it and laugh along

edwinbear · 13/02/2023 20:33

He’ll dine out on it even longer when this thread makes the Daily Fail OP.

wizzler · 13/02/2023 20:38

Op you would have got rinsed for this where I work. Your colleague sounds good fun

daisychain01 · 13/02/2023 20:38

Unbelievable that you've not only made a twat of yourself at work, you're now exposing yourself to ridicule on here.

are you really such a glutton for punishment?

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