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Original poster

Twattiest colleague ever?

290 replies

PixiePolka · 13/02/2023 19:12

AIBU to think I work with the biggest twat ever?

A couple of weeks ago I slept in and was going to be a bit late for work. In my half asleep panic I was trying to come up with an excuse but all I could think of was to say there was a big traffic jam on my way to work as no-one in my team lives in my direction to say otherwise.

I was quickly googling to try and find a photo of a traffic jam on my phone so it looked like I was in a big queue to give me time to get a shower. I tried finding a photo that looked like it had been taken from inside my car model (a renault) but couldn't so instead I scrolled down for one that looked as if I'd stuck my phone out of the car window and taken one.

I posted the photo on our team whatsapp with caption saying "sorry really horrendous traffic this morning so will be a few mins late" with that monkey emoji with hands over it's eyes. My manager saw it and said something along the lines of "no worries PixiePolka take your time and get here safe" and I thought that I was off the hook and quickly got in the shower.

Anyway by the time I got out literally 3 mins later all hell had broken loose on the team chat. I'd somehow posted a picture of a french road with cars on the other side of the road and french number plates. My manager had obviously not noticed but this annoying older bloke on our team had clearly scrutinised the picture and started making wisecracks on the chat like "you'll be more than a few minutes late Pixie - you still need to get through the chunnel" and "any chance you could pick up some pain au chocolat from the boulangerie" which totally dropped me in it as my manager hadn't even noticed.

Thing is two weeks later this bloke still won't let it lie and when it was my turn to get Friday treats he said in front of everyone including our director "perhaps you could get some freshly baked croissants on your way in tomorrow" and everyone started laughing so it had to be explained to the big boss which made me look really bad for lying. Every day he makes about three crap jokes about me travelling in from France.

Also now when he sees me go into the toilet he starts singing this stupid french song about having no toilet paper with the chorus "Ou est le papier".

I just want to make him stop without letting him know he's getting to me. Any suggestions?

OP posts:
TauroLomo · 13/02/2023 19:50

Traffic absolutely mental in Luton tonight, I’ll be late to the thread sorry guys.

Twattiest colleague ever?
Fluffnotscruffy · 13/02/2023 19:51

PixiePolka · 13/02/2023 19:26

I thought it would make it more believable if I put a photo of a traffic jam along with the message but I should have kept it simple. Lesson learnt and I will just have to take the stick. May try bringing in croissants next time it's my turn!

Oh come on did you really think that
was going to work ?
Photos grabbed off the internet are really obvious.
Your manager likely did notice but wasn’t going to call you out in front of the rest of the team.

Your colleague is not the twat here.

Just style it out and take in french pastries next times it’s your turn.

Janbohonut · 13/02/2023 19:51

You completely deserve it tbh. I think it's rude to lie to your colleagues.
I worked with someone who called in sick for a week and actually went to visit her family, so got a full extra week's holiday.
I made a point of telling her how pale and tired she looked when she came back. Yes I'm a pass-agg bitch but I had to cover her workload and didn't lie to get time off (but in retrospect should have.)

Partyandbullshit · 13/02/2023 19:51

Oh man, MN has disappointed me! I was expecting a thread full of Ooooh la la’s and quels horreurs!

If you can’t beat him, join him OP. Next Friday, go into work wearing a Breton top, a string of garlic around your neck, a baguette poking out of your handbag and a tray of croissants for your team. It’ll completely take the wind out of his sails, but more importantly it’ll put an end to this all in a funny way

Wishawisha · 13/02/2023 19:52

This is one of the funniest things I’ve read for a long time!!

I’m sorry to say OP, if I were in your team the fake photo would have really pissed me off and I’d be glad you were found out. Just lie, fine, but to then try and send a fake photo just takes it to a whole different level.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 13/02/2023 19:52

Easily done, I did something similar, said I was held up on the train but accidently selected a picture of Yuri Gagarin in his space capsule.

Now, at our weekly update meeting everybody mouths the lyrics of Major Tom and floats about the room as a joke.

IndiaDreamer · 13/02/2023 19:52

PMSL! You were busted!

Namechangedforspooky · 13/02/2023 19:52

Sorry but that’s hilarious. It’s up there with the most creative reasons people have phoned in sick to me over the last decade or so!

My favourite was I’ve been attacked by my cat and he won’t let me leave the house

PumpkinDart · 13/02/2023 19:52

Ah OP the thread took a turn 😂 your dedication to your cover story trying to find the inside of your car 🙈

CheekyHobson · 13/02/2023 19:53

I thought it would make it more believable if I put a photo of a traffic jam along with the message but I should have kept it simple.

Amazing failure to recognise the real lesson here. "I got caught lying and was mocked by my colleague. I have learned that I should be cleverer about my lying next time."

TheOpenRoad · 13/02/2023 19:53

Brilliant! I'm laughing out loud, OP - standing ovation for you!!

However, I do get it's hard living it down every day. Only advice I have is to find a new job. Unless you can convince them you sent it as a joke

RiktheButler · 13/02/2023 19:54

idonotmind · 13/02/2023 19:49

But to be fair your colleague is taking it too far - he needs to know when to stop

Next time he pipes up with some 'witty' comment i'd stare at him and say 'you done dave, or what?'

I'd say its fair game until she holds her hands up and realises she isnt the victim here, she's the twat

StrongUsernameHere · 13/02/2023 19:55

Hahahahahahaha

bossybloss · 13/02/2023 19:56

Serves you right ……. You were dishonest and now can’t take a joke! 🤣

Vitriolinsanity · 13/02/2023 19:56

Yep we would be ripping le piss for months for this.

A colleague has, through no fault of their ow, needed to take loads of time off in a certain months for the last two years.

This year they were given a calendar with that month missing Grin

DanRogersAndHisHorse · 13/02/2023 19:57

'Twattiest colleague ever?'

Yes. Yes you are.

And you have just shown everyone you work with that you are a liar. Well done.

Roundabout78 · 13/02/2023 19:57

Laughed so hard at this thread 😂 your colleague sounds hilarious. Sorry op it’ll be a long time before you live this one down

Bellavida99 · 13/02/2023 19:58

About 20 years ago a slightly delusional colleague said she’d been to New York for New Year’s Eve. Got caught out as someone saw her in local pub having lunch on New Year’s Day. Even now when people chat about what they did at the weekend New York get’s mentioned as a joke and she gets stroppy but I guess that’s the price you pay when you tell daft lies

L0bstersLass · 13/02/2023 19:58

Just say that obviously that wasn't a picture of the traffic jam you were in, it was one of the first ones that came up when you Googled for a pic.
Unless of course you're message said that was the jam you were in.

Ourshoddyhouse · 13/02/2023 19:58

Yeah where I work, we'd have bought you a beret by now 🇫🇷

butterpuffed · 13/02/2023 19:58

Better start off early from now on because if you are ever late in due to traffic , not a soul will believe you 😅

endoftheworldniteclub · 13/02/2023 19:59

I’d start speaking with a french accent. Your colleague sounds brilliant.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 13/02/2023 20:00

Stupid to lie and even stupider to include a stick photo. It’s illegal to use your phone when driving even in stationary traffic anyway so no idea why you would think you needed a photo to back up what you were saying!

Bluekerfuffle · 13/02/2023 20:00

This is hilarious.
I had to look up the “ou est le papier” song.
Very appropriate as the story about being late was “manure”:

A Frenchman went to the lavat'ry,
To have him a jolly good shit,
He took his coat and his trousers off,
So that he could revel in it.
But when he reached for the paper,
He found that someone had been there before,
"Ou est le papier?
Ou est le papier?
Monsieur, monsieur, J'at fait manure.
Ou est le papier?"

endoftheworldniteclub · 13/02/2023 20:01

Vitriolinsanity · 13/02/2023 19:56

Yep we would be ripping le piss for months for this.

A colleague has, through no fault of their ow, needed to take loads of time off in a certain months for the last two years.

This year they were given a calendar with that month missing Grin

Oh that is so funny. 😂 How was it received?