Twattiest colleague ever?

[PixiePolka]

AIBU to think I work with the biggest twat ever?

A couple of weeks ago I slept in and was going to be a bit late for work. In my half asleep panic I was trying to come up with an excuse but all I could think of was to say there was a big traffic jam on my way to work as no-one in my team lives in my direction to say otherwise.

I was quickly googling to try and find a photo of a traffic jam on my phone so it looked like I was in a big queue to give me time to get a shower. I tried finding a photo that looked like it had been taken from inside my car model (a renault) but couldn't so instead I scrolled down for one that looked as if I'd stuck my phone out of the car window and taken one.

I posted the photo on our team whatsapp with caption saying "sorry really horrendous traffic this morning so will be a few mins late" with that monkey emoji with hands over it's eyes. My manager saw it and said something along the lines of "no worries PixiePolka take your time and get here safe" and I thought that I was off the hook and quickly got in the shower.

Anyway by the time I got out literally 3 mins later all hell had broken loose on the team chat. I'd somehow posted a picture of a french road with cars on the other side of the road and french number plates. My manager had obviously not noticed but this annoying older bloke on our team had clearly scrutinised the picture and started making wisecracks on the chat like "you'll be more than a few minutes late Pixie - you still need to get through the chunnel" and "any chance you could pick up some pain au chocolat from the boulangerie" which totally dropped me in it as my manager hadn't even noticed.

Thing is two weeks later this bloke still won't let it lie and when it was my turn to get Friday treats he said in front of everyone including our director "perhaps you could get some freshly baked croissants on your way in tomorrow" and everyone started laughing so it had to be explained to the big boss which made me look really bad for lying. Every day he makes about three crap jokes about me travelling in from France.

Also now when he sees me go into the toilet he starts singing this stupid french song about having no toilet paper with the chorus "Ou est le papier".

I just want to make him stop without letting him know he's getting to me. Any suggestions?

Thats exactly what you need to do to kill this!

I've a colleague who goes off sick all the time. Except she forgets what her excuses are. It's mother in law has been on end of life care, with days to live, twice in the last 5 years. This is the same mother in law she had to rush to hospital after she'd fallen down some steps, Inconveniently last Christmas day when she was due to work (work in a care home)

This is hilarious!! And the comments in the office are even funnier.

Usually, the more info given, the bigger the fib.

Next time, just keep it simple.

You could be fired for lying

He's carrying on with it because it's winding you up. Either don't react at all, or smile at him and bring in pain au chocolat for treats. Hope you've taken the point about the truth going down better than an elaborate lie.

you'll be more than a few minutes late Pixie - you still need to get through the chunnel

Fucking hilarious. If this is real your colleague can come and work with us, they could do with a sense of humour injection.

He sounds hilarious 😂

Bonsoir 😳

Your work ethic sucks.

Do actually do that, you'll get some credit for taking it...

They are never going to let you forget it. Embrace it and enjoy it.

I would adopt a really bad french accent whenever it was bought up and always have a tin of snails in garlic on my desk to wave about.

You will have given your coworkers and manager the impression that you think they are thick… and that you are a liar… and not a very good one. They probably wonder what else you lie about.

Their reaction is well deserved

I'm sorry but his song sounds hilarious 😂😂😂

Why not just say you'd slept in?

And just ignore him, don't bat an eye, hopefully he'll get bored.

I think you may be the twatty colleague!

Very funny

Can I work with you?

You are going to have to move companies to get away from that one I'm afraid.

Maybe at your place of work being late is no big issue... you're lucky if that's the case. I hope u appreciate what you've got.

Well, I do 🤷🏻‍♀️ I'm a manager but it's the same for everyone. Obviously if it was repeated it might become an issue, but the occasional late arrival is fine.

Once you don't lie about it!

If you’re talking about yourself in the title OP, then yes you are.

At least have the decency to own it. I’m sure a simple, sorry I missed my alarm. Will be in asap will do. Don’t know why you had to lie to get a “3 minute”
shower?! 🤨

This is absolutely correct

But to be fair your colleague is taking it too far - he needs to know when to stop

Next time he pipes up with some 'witty' comment i'd stare at him and say 'you done dave, or what?'

Why on earth did you include a photo? 🤣

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Conséquences des actions, n'est-ce pas?

Or just start crying - really chugging tears. He'll stop then

You are complaining about your colleague, when you behave like that? 🤣🤣🤣only twatty person is you.