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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding during GCSE period

236 replies

RoseyPosey78 · 13/02/2023 13:38

After a very long engagement (7 years!) DP & I are finally booking our wedding for next year. We have always wanted to get married in June as our unofficial anniversary is in this month. However, DSD will be taking her GCSE's next year and they fall over May-June time! Do you think AIBU to to think she will be ok for one day and it won't disrupt her too much? I am happy to go into July as obviously I'd rather she do as well as she can but just wondered what people's thoughts are as the June date has a lot of sentimental value for us?! We're looking at the May half term to give her space around the day if that helps?

OP posts:
exLtEveDallas · 14/02/2023 07:30

Sounds like you have made the right decision OP. It all depends on your DSD and how she is about revision and exams really, but your does sound a little more relaxed about it.

Mine would have been in an absolute state in that position - her 16th fell over Easter and she wouldn’t even take a break then, we celebrated at the end of July! She’s the same with her A levels. It’s not a good thing, and by God I wish she wasn’t like that, but those are the cards we are dealt.

Good luck with the planning and your big day, I hope you have a wonderful time.

Siameasy · 14/02/2023 07:32

On a weekend is fine! No wonder youngsters all have anxiety. The parents are clearly fuelling it. When we got married our DD’s involvement in the prep was does your dress fit good yes thank you very much.

GelPens1 · 14/02/2023 07:34

MySugarBabyLove · 14/02/2023 07:07

if it’s a Saturday during half term then this isn’t even a question IMO.

i would ask her what she thinks, but unless she’s one of those kids who studying all the time she’ll be spending a large part of half term with her friends. One day isn’t going to matter.

A wedding is only ‘one day’ if you’re not actively involved in the wedding planning. Weddings take months to plan. This teen girl’s parents are getting married so she’ll probably be swept up in the wedding planning and less likely to focus on her revision. She will want to/be expected to go dress shopping (bride’s dress and bridesmaid’s dress) and dressing fitting sessions, visiting venues, helping OP choose things for the wedding etc.

As I said before, I think OP should avoid the exam season (time for exams and revision) completely. This means getting married in Autumn/Winter 2023 or, even better, Spring 2024.

Stopsnowing · 14/02/2023 07:35

Given that the op is so keen on having the wedding on or near her unofficial anniversary I suspect her approach to the wedding won’t be as low key as she thinks it will be!

MeridaBrave · 14/02/2023 07:36

Honestly I think it’s really selfish. The whole period of GCSEs is totally fraught and stressful. Can’t you wait until after?

Dibbydoos · 14/02/2023 07:37

It's risky to choose June and unfair to have it in half term as she may need that time to swot.

30June is a Friday this year, so 1st July a Saturday. I'd go with that tbf, but remember depending upon yplour plans, you may take swotting time away from your DC, so consider that time too.

Congrats and have a great dax

TeddybearBaby · 14/02/2023 07:44

Not sure if this has been said but they finish in June, you might be able to do it after….. they finish on the 16th this year (might be a couple of days later than that but my sons last exam is the 16th). I wonder if the school would have a vague idea for next year. Congratulations!

AcrossTheRoad · 14/02/2023 07:52

Just wait until July. Simples.

jejija · 14/02/2023 09:25

I think YABU. A wedding is not just one day, there is all the stuff that goes on in the run up to them and it can get stressful. Either wait until the end of June when her exams are finished or if it must happen I. June then wait another year. You have already waited 7 years so why rush to do it in such an important year for your daughter. Don’t jeopardise her future and exam results (or her stress levels) for your wedding, you definitely need to put your child first.

jejija · 14/02/2023 09:27

Jabberthehutz · 13/02/2023 15:49

Have you thought about having the wedding in the exam hall? You could both enjoy the day and at least your dd won’t be disrupted for the most IMPORTANT EXAM OF HER LIFE!

Brilliant. Yes OP please choose a different time for your wedding and don’t put extra stress and pressure on DSD

GreatGardenstuff · 14/02/2023 17:21

Exam focus and wedding focus at the same time is doable but not ideal. You’d get neither the best concentration for exams, or the most enjoyment of wedding build up.

They’re both one off events you want to do justice to, so you I think need to separate them. If June is a deal breaker, ramp it up and do it this year, or wait ‘til the year after.

grandmashotdoodlebugs · 14/02/2023 20:03

Exams dates are set in stone and the whole country take them on the same day even with different exam boards.

If she doesn't get minimum 4 in English Lang and Maths, she has to keep studying them through post 16 at college or sixth form and will resit every November, Jan and June until she passes. Which is obligatory in order to study the course she does want to take.

I work in education. You are being very selfish. Move the wedding.

FlissyPaps · 14/02/2023 20:08

MXVIT · 13/02/2023 13:47

Honestly if I were her I would find it hard to forgive you.

Can everyone just calm down just a little bit.

^ Absolutely this!

The hysteria over this is absolutely crazy.

OP - YANBU. Seriously. GCSE’s are not the be all and end all of life. So many controlling and pushy parents on this thread. I feel sorry for their kids who are clearly not allowed to enjoy life around their studies.

TheUnforecastedStorm · 14/02/2023 21:52

On the point of waiting til after exams - my daughter would be far more concerned about missing prom than a revision session so bear that in mind too! Her last exam (this year) is June 16th and prom is first week of July. She’ll be revising for the exams but certainly not non-stop and will be socialising/working around revising too.

Also, for us, the last week of June is ‘mop up’ week where they put on any exams that have to be rescheduled. Not sure how often this is actually used but it wasn’t for my older child so might be a ‘safer’ choice to avoid exams and prom?

bridgetreilly · 14/02/2023 22:04

Will it be one day or will it be weeks and months of lots of stress and extra things to help out with? I would wait for a better time.

bridgetreilly · 14/02/2023 22:05

Or, better still, do it this year.

RampantIvy · 14/02/2023 22:31

Seriously. GCSE’s are not the be all and end all of life.

No, but it does make life a lot easier to pass them all first time around.

I can't get over the amount of hysteria surrounding organising a wedding. Book the venue, invite the guests, organise the catering and flowers and buy a dress. Job done.

So many people really make a meal out of organising a wedding. The OP doesn't need to involve her step daughter in the arrangements at sll.

Apairofsparklingeyes · 14/02/2023 23:10

Get married this year instead

ilo · 14/02/2023 23:58

You’ve had 7 years and yet you’ve chosen to do this during your DSD’s exam period. Interesting choice.

niugboo · 15/02/2023 09:50

It won’t be a day though. It will serve as a distraction.

Please don’t. I work in a school. Parents get married all the time and it’s always a huge distraction to the kids.

PollyPut · 15/02/2023 12:07

@RoseyPosey78 definitely the right decision to do it after the exams are finished. Just check whether school have any trips planned/DoE expeditions/prep for year 12 etc in June/July of year 11 in which case look to avoid those too

Probably also a lot easier not to do it in half term (containing a bank holiday weekend) too, with better choice of venues.

Original poster
RoseyPosey78 · 15/02/2023 12:46

To all those who have bothered to read the the thread and contribute thank you, we are taking everything into account. To all those who suggested I have been selfish/unkind/thoughtless I kindly ask you to sit down and take a breath. We have waited this long due to many painful reasons that I definitely won't go into on here, so we definitely don't want to wait any longer than we need to now, my DSD feels exactly the same btw. But we will as I have already said, be waiting until after exams are finished so we can fully enjoy the experience as a family.

OP posts:
jejija · 15/02/2023 13:07

RoseyPosey78 · 15/02/2023 12:46

To all those who have bothered to read the the thread and contribute thank you, we are taking everything into account. To all those who suggested I have been selfish/unkind/thoughtless I kindly ask you to sit down and take a breath. We have waited this long due to many painful reasons that I definitely won't go into on here, so we definitely don't want to wait any longer than we need to now, my DSD feels exactly the same btw. But we will as I have already said, be waiting until after exams are finished so we can fully enjoy the experience as a family.

You asked for people’s opinions so you can’t then be offended and annoyed if you don’t like the responses.
I think if you’re going to post on here asking whether it’s a good idea then you already know that it isn’t. Your DSD needs to come first and you as the adult need to make sure that happens - and that doesn’t mean you get her to agree with your timeframe and then place the responsibility on her for saying it is ok! She is a teenager and has no idea what goes into organising a wedding or how important her exams are.
I think if anyone needs to take a breath then it is you. You have had 7 years when you could have got married, I’m sorry that circumstances didn’t allow this, but I think you need to wait another year so that you can actually put your daughter first and not be selfish about it. A wedding is not as important as your daughter’s future.

Original poster
RoseyPosey78 · 15/02/2023 13:14

@jejija have you literally not read what I have said? We are waiting until after her exams are done and dusted. But by all means keep up the good work...

OP posts:
BonnetDeDoucheRodney · 15/02/2023 18:27

I think the point is that you're not really though, are you? The exam revision season isn't just a month. She wants to be involved in the planning - that's going to be right through when she should be revising, even if the actual date of the wedding is in the weeks after she's finished.
I can't see why you wouldn't just push back to September or even do it this year, it just feels so unnecessary to create this dilemma when you don't really need to.

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