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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding during GCSE period

236 replies

RoseyPosey78 · 13/02/2023 13:38

After a very long engagement (7 years!) DP & I are finally booking our wedding for next year. We have always wanted to get married in June as our unofficial anniversary is in this month. However, DSD will be taking her GCSE's next year and they fall over May-June time! Do you think AIBU to to think she will be ok for one day and it won't disrupt her too much? I am happy to go into July as obviously I'd rather she do as well as she can but just wondered what people's thoughts are as the June date has a lot of sentimental value for us?! We're looking at the May half term to give her space around the day if that helps?

OP posts:
Ndd135632 · 15/02/2023 18:28

No just no. What else to say?

Clymene · 15/02/2023 18:32

I read the whole thread, I've been on it since the beginning. I've not found a single reason why your wedding has to clash with your DSD's exams other than that's what you want.

Ndd135632 · 15/02/2023 18:36

jejija · 15/02/2023 13:07

You asked for people’s opinions so you can’t then be offended and annoyed if you don’t like the responses.
I think if you’re going to post on here asking whether it’s a good idea then you already know that it isn’t. Your DSD needs to come first and you as the adult need to make sure that happens - and that doesn’t mean you get her to agree with your timeframe and then place the responsibility on her for saying it is ok! She is a teenager and has no idea what goes into organising a wedding or how important her exams are.
I think if anyone needs to take a breath then it is you. You have had 7 years when you could have got married, I’m sorry that circumstances didn’t allow this, but I think you need to wait another year so that you can actually put your daughter first and not be selfish about it. A wedding is not as important as your daughter’s future.

Show quote history

This. And OP I find it astonishing you are even asking this community this question. You are the adult for goodness sake. These are some of the most important exams of your DSD life. Don’t put the burden and guilt on a kid to decide what is right. Of course she will say it’s fine. But it’s not. She has no idea about how much a wedding takes up time and headspace. Especially this one which is clearly very emotional for you. She has no idea how this will distract her. Grow up, be the adult and wait.

Mostexpensiveplug · 15/02/2023 18:39

RampantIvy · 14/02/2023 22:31

Seriously. GCSE’s are not the be all and end all of life.

No, but it does make life a lot easier to pass them all first time around.

I can't get over the amount of hysteria surrounding organising a wedding. Book the venue, invite the guests, organise the catering and flowers and buy a dress. Job done.

So many people really make a meal out of organising a wedding. The OP doesn't need to involve her step daughter in the arrangements at sll.

This

stepstepstep · 15/02/2023 18:41

Clymene · 15/02/2023 18:32

I read the whole thread, I've been on it since the beginning. I've not found a single reason why your wedding has to clash with your DSD's exams other than that's what you want.

But not the bit where the OP said she was not going to get married during exam time?

Ndd135632 · 15/02/2023 18:42

Mostexpensiveplug · 15/02/2023 18:39

This

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But isn’t that also a shame. It’s a wonderful time for step kids to be involved especially as the DSD seems close. These are two very important life events. Don’t clash them.

Mostexpensiveplug · 15/02/2023 18:48

is there any possibility of giving/receiving advice on this website about what an OP has actually asked about without calling someone selfish/stupid/ridiculous?
or is that mandatory for an AIBU thread?

Clymene · 15/02/2023 19:27

@stepstepstep - no, she's going to get married immediately the exams are finished which means loads of disruption during her DSD's exams.

If it were a really low key wedding, they could get married this July. It's over 5 months away. Or the June the following year when her DSD isn't doing career critical exams.

But given that the OP needs nearly 18 months to organise it, I'm guessing it's going to be a big thing. So the whole lead up, choosing dresses, food, venue, guest list, seating plan, hen party, nails (apparently) etc etc is going to be in the lead up to the GCSEs when her DSD should be revising with minimal distractions if at all possible.

I just find it utterly bizarre when they've waited 7 years to get married. It seems like deliberate sabotage. If her DSD does well, it will be in spite of the OP and her dad. And I think that's really bloody sad.

EverlastingRose · 15/02/2023 19:30

Couldn't agree more, @Clymene. Utterly baffling.

TeddybearBaby · 15/02/2023 20:01

Omg what a load of fuss about nothing! Op have a lovely day at your wedding and good luck to your dsd in her exams.

You know her and what works for her so trust your own judgement. I know I’ve already said but my son is doing GCSEs this year and he has loads of things planned with friends for afterwards to look forward to, it’s not hindering him, it’s boosting him if anything and he wouldn’t give a flying fig or be one bit distracted about wedding plans. As I said before you know her best to make that call, we’re all different after all. Life doesn’t stop because of GCSEs. Balance all the way for me.

Enjoy your day whenever you choose to do it.

@Mostexpensiveplug agree!

Can2022getanyworse · 15/02/2023 20:17

So if the June date is sooooooo important, how come May half term is OK but early July isn't?

Kids need all the support they can get during their GCSEs. Both you and her dad will be massively distracted by the wedding and she will use it as an excuse if things don't go quite so well for her.

Just wait 4 more weeks.

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