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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding during GCSE period

236 replies

RoseyPosey78 · 13/02/2023 13:38

After a very long engagement (7 years!) DP & I are finally booking our wedding for next year. We have always wanted to get married in June as our unofficial anniversary is in this month. However, DSD will be taking her GCSE's next year and they fall over May-June time! Do you think AIBU to to think she will be ok for one day and it won't disrupt her too much? I am happy to go into July as obviously I'd rather she do as well as she can but just wondered what people's thoughts are as the June date has a lot of sentimental value for us?! We're looking at the May half term to give her space around the day if that helps?

OP posts:
Original poster
RoseyPosey78 · 13/02/2023 13:52

@Clymene we won't wait a year, we'll move to late June or July, she'll just have AS & A Levels the following years

OP posts:
x2boys · 13/02/2023 13:52

It's one day everyone during half tern ,one day 🙄

Aixellency · 13/02/2023 13:52

Heavens! Way to miss the point. What on earth does it matter who you are - as long as you are her parent getting married. That is what will be disruptive.

But you’re obviously determined to go ahead so I’m not sure what the point of the thread is.

GoodChat · 13/02/2023 13:52

midgemadgemodge · 13/02/2023 13:45

Planing a wedding - even a low key one - is stressful - it isn't just one day

I'd want to focus on my child and her stresses during gcse

Make it easy on the whole family. - well before it or well after

It's ok. DSD won't be the one planning the wedding.

As long as it's not going to clash with an exam day it's fine IMO. I'd have loved having something fun to look forward to in the middle of my exams as it was just really boring.

Augend23 · 13/02/2023 13:52

I don't think @Aixellency was making any kind of evil stepmother point was she? I thought she was saying your daughter will care a lot about her mother's wedding (i.e your wedding) and therefore will want to be more heavily involved in the planning and preparation than she will be able to be if you hold it during her GCSEs?

GoodChat · 13/02/2023 13:53

Clymene · 13/02/2023 13:50

No, please wait a year. Then you get the date you want and you won't ruin her chance of good grades through being distracted.

You've waited 7 years, you can wait another.

She'll have exams for the next few years if she chooses to study A Levels

olympicsrock · 13/02/2023 13:54

I think you should prioritize her exams. She will need the half term to revise. I would wait until the exams have finished.

Clymene · 13/02/2023 13:54

RoseyPosey78 · 13/02/2023 13:52

@Clymene we won't wait a year, we'll move to late June or July, she'll just have AS & A Levels the following years

But it's still going to be a massive distraction. She won't have exams the following year - A levels are all final year now.

And she might not get to do them if she doesn't get the grades she needs in her GCSEs.

neslop · 13/02/2023 13:54

RoseyPosey78 · 13/02/2023 13:52

@Clymene we won't wait a year, we'll move to late June or July, she'll just have AS & A Levels the following years

Most schools don't do the official AS exams now they've been de-coupled from A2 levels

ChicCroissant · 13/02/2023 13:55

My DD is taking GCSEs this year, even the February half-term has three revision sessions days and she's already been in on a Saturday morning for one as well.

Original poster
RoseyPosey78 · 13/02/2023 13:57

@Aixellency I have just reread, apologies! My mistake entirely. However I still feel you're being a tad dramatic, and no I'm not determined to go ahead I'll ultimately do what is best for her I'm just gauging opinion here!

OP posts:
SeriouslyLTB · 13/02/2023 13:57

Aixellency · 13/02/2023 13:46

No she won’t be ok.

It would be immensely selfish if you to embark on a period of preparation for such an important event , planned to culminate at exactly the time she will be taking exams. Are you having a laugh? In the months before her GCSEs she’ll need your full support and attention - not to come second to your wedding planning.

It would be ‘just one day’ if it were someone else’s wedding. Her mother’s wedding is an entirely different thing.

Honestly if I were her I would find it hard to forgive you.

Ohhh do UNCLENCH.

SE13Mummy · 13/02/2023 13:59

The Friday or Saturday at the end of the May half-term will be fine - she won't have had exams or school in the previous few days so there will be plenty of hours in which to revise. If she has an exam on the first Monday back it won't harm her to have a day off revising either. Lots of Y11 have regular commitments on weekends anyway and it's important children have space in their revision timetables to do sport, family things, hang out with friends etc.

EverlastingRose · 13/02/2023 14:00

No way would I do this. Exam stress is not a one-day affair and neither is wedding prep. I'm afraid I think arranging in the wedding in the midst of her GCSEs would be incredibly selfish, and for no point other than to line up with your "unofficial" anniversary.

Maybe you'll be the world's most chilled bride and your plans are just to rock up at the reg office then go to the pub, but it really doesn't sound like it given the fact you're worried about the sentimental value of the month. Maybe your Dd will have all her revision done by April and be totally relaxed throughout the exam period, but again I wouldn't bet on it. Most people have some wedding stress and some exam stress- why you'd want to put one on top of the other is beyond me.

PatriciaHolm · 13/02/2023 14:00

Are you sure the June date is in May half term next year? I know it differs across the UK, but have you double checked - May half term here next year is 27 May-31 May, for example. There is no weekday in half term in June here. If your half term is a week later, that is different of course.

She will be right in the middle of exams. Neither of mine would have wanted to break the half term with a wedding I'm afraid - they didn't revise 24/7, but every day, and they would have hated the interruption.

Original poster
RoseyPosey78 · 13/02/2023 14:01

@ChicCroissant thank you that's very insightful, I may speak to the school directly about how they normally run revision.

OP posts:
Ifyouknowyk · 13/02/2023 14:02

If you are the type of person that has to have a big song and dance drawn out over a matter of weeks and everyone you know has to be involved and fussing, probably don’t do it around her exams.
if you are the kind of person that will be happy with her participating for the day, and be happy that she is there for the night, she thinks she’ll be happy to take one night off revising and the date is important to you - go for it!
if it was me I’d definately go for it. People go a bit mental over their children’s GCSE’s but they have such little bearing on their actual life going forward!

Original poster
RoseyPosey78 · 13/02/2023 14:05

@Ifyouknowyk it's definitely not going to be a grand days long affair, in fact we're going with a late ceremony and an evening reception only. The only "prep" that wouldn't be on the day she'll be involved in will be taking her to get her nails done Grin

OP posts:
TheSnugglyDuckling · 13/02/2023 14:06

Aixellency · 13/02/2023 13:46

No she won’t be ok.

It would be immensely selfish if you to embark on a period of preparation for such an important event , planned to culminate at exactly the time she will be taking exams. Are you having a laugh? In the months before her GCSEs she’ll need your full support and attention - not to come second to your wedding planning.

It would be ‘just one day’ if it were someone else’s wedding. Her mother’s wedding is an entirely different thing.

Honestly if I were her I would find it hard to forgive you.

100% this

FawnFrenchieMum · 13/02/2023 14:06

Honestly no wonder so many kids have mental health problems if parents get this stressed about the entire period around exams (some of the replies not the OP).
Honestly its one day, give her a break from exam stress and give her something to look forward to!

ChicCroissant · 13/02/2023 14:08

RoseyPosey78 · 13/02/2023 14:01

@ChicCroissant thank you that's very insightful, I may speak to the school directly about how they normally run revision.

I think that would definitely be worth doing, I expect the April and May breaks to be even worse for revision sessions!

MXVIT · 13/02/2023 14:10

Have we peddled the myth to our kids that extensively that GCSEs affect the REST OF YOUR LIIIIIIIIIIFE that we've started to believe it ourselves?

No one gives a shiny shite about them approximately as soon as you get the results and begin whatever your next step is.

If my parents had made my entire existence about passing my GCSEs for 12-18 months I would have broken. Its astonishing to me that those on this thread who are doing that are not seeing the irony in their admonishing the OP for daring to say there is life outside exams.

x2boys · 13/02/2023 14:17

MXVIT · 13/02/2023 14:10

Have we peddled the myth to our kids that extensively that GCSEs affect the REST OF YOUR LIIIIIIIIIIFE that we've started to believe it ourselves?

No one gives a shiny shite about them approximately as soon as you get the results and begin whatever your next step is.

If my parents had made my entire existence about passing my GCSEs for 12-18 months I would have broken. Its astonishing to me that those on this thread who are doing that are not seeing the irony in their admonishing the OP for daring to say there is life outside exams.

Indeed ,and yet on the other hand people on here are constantly worrying about their teens " mental health"
as I said up thread exams are important but not be all and end all ,even if kids don't get the required grade,s.,there are always options ,no way am I putting my own teen under that kind of stress

Ifyouknowyk · 13/02/2023 14:18

TheSnugglyDuckling · 13/02/2023 14:06

100% this

Show quote history

Not everyone see’s weddings as this huge festival of faff that require everyone’s undivided attention for months on end.

AnnieMay55 · 13/02/2023 14:19

She will be right in the middle of her exams. They start a couple of weeks before half term and continue after until around June 24th. If she is even the slightest bit bothered about her GCSEs she will want to be revising for the majority of that week as they have that break which gives them time to concentrate on the later exams. A wedding will distract her for several days beforehand and even the day after. She wouldn't be able to get straight back into the normal mindset of revising the day after. No not fair at all. Depending on the student, my daughter spent most of the Easter holiday revising and they often have revision classes at Easter now let alone the May half term .I don't think it will go down very well with the school if you ask about her timetable.

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