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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding during GCSE period

236 replies

RoseyPosey78 · 13/02/2023 13:38

After a very long engagement (7 years!) DP & I are finally booking our wedding for next year. We have always wanted to get married in June as our unofficial anniversary is in this month. However, DSD will be taking her GCSE's next year and they fall over May-June time! Do you think AIBU to to think she will be ok for one day and it won't disrupt her too much? I am happy to go into July as obviously I'd rather she do as well as she can but just wondered what people's thoughts are as the June date has a lot of sentimental value for us?! We're looking at the May half term to give her space around the day if that helps?

OP posts:
x2boys · 13/02/2023 20:50

ittakes2 · 13/02/2023 20:35

Sorry this is a daft response because the exams affect what 6th form school they can apply to - for some kids their grades mean the different from staying in the school they going to or being asked to leave and go elsewhere. The results can also affect what uni's they apply to if thats what they want to do.

Show quote history

This is also.a daft response because not schools have sixth forms for a start and there are many courses available to.sixteen year olds not all.of which mean A levels ,and if one night is going to destroy a 16 year olds chances to do A levels then Alevels might not be the best course for them .

x2boys · 13/02/2023 20:51

Not all schools*

CrkdLttrCrkdLttr · 13/02/2023 20:53

she has lived with DP & I for over ten years full time and her DM isn't on the scene at all, so for for her this is her parents getting married...

OP’s third post, @lanthanum .

pinksheetss · 13/02/2023 20:53

I think it won't be just the day that will affect her but the build up to wedding also. The entire time is going to be all about you and partner and your wedding when it should be a time for dd to focus on exams without that external factors in place. It's not just one day. She'll need you in the build up and during and your whole focus

x2boys · 13/02/2023 20:54

Vitriolinsanity · 13/02/2023 19:51

It's not a question of piling on pressure so much as respecting that GCSE's are important and giving her the best chance.

If she chooses to sod about and not revise that's a bloody horrid envelope to open in august.

As her parents you just have to give her her best chance, without missing the chance to get just a bit more done.

It's not like GCSE and A level are a galloping shock to being a parent. It's a solid gold fact of life.

I hate to break it to you but in the real.world A levels are a very narrow form o f study many kids go to.university or don't without A levels
mumsnet is so narrow minded about post 16 education.

FavouriteSlippers · 13/02/2023 20:59

It will be fine!
Honestly. Half term, weekend.
Not all kids sit and revise 24/7
It'll be a nice break for her

Clymene · 13/02/2023 21:01

CrkdLttrCrkdLttr · 13/02/2023 20:14

It’s what one would wish for every child, @Clymene .

MN is certainly a learning experience …

I would have thought it was just very basic stuff. But it seems I'm piling on immense pressure by putting my children first.

It's all rather odd.

stepstepstep · 13/02/2023 21:02

Congrats OP! We are getting married next year & have chosen end of July to avoid my DD’s (DP’s DSD) GCSEs - I know that she’ll want to get involved in everything & will be very distracted, so decided it was best just not to risk it. Also make sure if you do move it later that you avoid prom!

Original poster
RoseyPosey78 · 13/02/2023 21:16

Thank you for all of the responses! Just to clarify, DSD is the priority! We as parents have never been through the exam period before so I genuinely wasn't sure how they run and the impact of something like this would have. I consider DSD my own and I'd take her succeeding in her exams over any wedding! I did speak to her tonight and she's pretty chilled out anyway and said she wouldn't mind, but I think we are going to now look at late June or early July as she has already asked if she can help me with the planning so I wouldn't want that to distract her.

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 13/02/2023 21:18

I think your decision of late June or early July is the right one, and hope when it comes, you have a lovely day.

Original poster
RoseyPosey78 · 13/02/2023 21:18

@stepstepstep thank you! So helpful to hear from someone in the same situation, your DD sounds like mine as she wants to be involved! We're going back to the venue with her next week so we can finalise a date then, exciting times!

OP posts:
Pipsquiggle · 13/02/2023 21:23

Sounds like a good plan OP. Hope you all have a wonderful day x

Vitriolinsanity · 13/02/2023 21:25

I hate to break it to you @x2boys but that doesn't count for shit in the world the rest of the world inhabits.

I, like probably many others, don't think GCSE or a level results define a person. But they give you the choices you need to make informed decisions, where you choose to go next and on which you are judged by the people who validate those choices. It is a fact.

Having flunked my A levels I speak from bitter experience, and would prefer my DC avoid the same until systems of affirming knowledge gained change.

Augend23 · 13/02/2023 21:26

Sounds very sensible to me OP, better for it to be a lovely way for everyone to let their hair down I reckon.

BonnetDeDoucheRodney · 13/02/2023 21:46

I think we are going to now look at late June or early July as she has already asked if she can help me with the planning

If she wants to help you with the planning, late June or early July doesn't really work does it, because the planning isn't done in the 2 weeks before the wedding. The planning will be when she's in the midst of exams.

Original poster
RoseyPosey78 · 13/02/2023 21:50

@BonnetDeDoucheRodney the planning will be done way before her exams are on, she won't be shackled to her desk 24/7 for the next year...

OP posts:
x2boys · 13/02/2023 21:51

Vitriolinsanity · 13/02/2023 21:25

I hate to break it to you @x2boys but that doesn't count for shit in the world the rest of the world inhabits.

I, like probably many others, don't think GCSE or a level results define a person. But they give you the choices you need to make informed decisions, where you choose to go next and on which you are judged by the people who validate those choices. It is a fact.

Having flunked my A levels I speak from bitter experience, and would prefer my DC avoid the same until systems of affirming knowledge gained change.

Only in mumsnet land ,though because the rest of the world has,nt even heard of A levels outside of the .uk as I said mumsnet is so narrow minded ,it's all 8 and 9 ,s at GCSE,s A levels and sodding Russell group.university's 🙄

stepstepstep · 13/02/2023 21:52

Exactly, the planning is all months ahead or the week or so before - it’s not going to be during the exam/revision period..

namechangeagaintoday · 13/02/2023 22:03

Incredibly selfish. Do it very end of June or early July.

Mostexpensiveplug · 13/02/2023 22:06

namechangeagaintoday · 13/02/2023 22:03

Incredibly selfish. Do it very end of June or early July.

Well done on making a decision OP
i wouldn’t listen to any of these people saying you are selfish, these people obviously have nothing else going on in their lives but their kids. Good luck for your dsd’s exams and congrats on getting engaged!

Clymene · 13/02/2023 22:14

I really would book it for July if you're planning on a week day which is what I assume. You won't know when the contingency day will be for missed exams until February - it's only just been announced for our exam board.

Original poster
RoseyPosey78 · 13/02/2023 22:17

@Clymene it will most definitely be a Saturday.

OP posts:
Clymene · 13/02/2023 22:21

RoseyPosey78 · 13/02/2023 22:17

@Clymene it will most definitely be a Saturday.

Oh apologies - I missed that post where you said that. I'd go for 1st weekend of July then. Do you know when the prom is at her school? if she's likely to want to go, avoid a clash!

Gardeningempire · 13/02/2023 22:22

It wouldn’t be unusual for her to feel pushed out and insecure when you get married - even if you normally have a really good relationship. So for this reason I’d wait until her exams are over. Not because the wedding itself would get in the way but because how she perceives her importance in this will set you up for hopefully a lifetime of relationship. It would be important to me that my new husband’s daughter doesn’t feel unimportant or sidelined by choosing a date that was at an important time for her.

daffodilandtulip · 13/02/2023 22:28

My daughter would have killed me if I'd have done this. She did hers last year and worked really hard. I mean, I had to beg her to take a break. No chance would she have wanted to go to a wedding. It's not just the time, it's where their head is at. In fact, I don't even think she had wound down enough to enjoy prom a few weeks later!

It's not just the day, it's the planning, trying dresses on, stuff around the house, you having loads of phonecalls to plan it.

We were having a new kitchen last year, and even though the work would have been while she was at school, she made me promise not to do it until after her exams had finished.