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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding during GCSE period

236 replies

RoseyPosey78 · 13/02/2023 13:38

After a very long engagement (7 years!) DP & I are finally booking our wedding for next year. We have always wanted to get married in June as our unofficial anniversary is in this month. However, DSD will be taking her GCSE's next year and they fall over May-June time! Do you think AIBU to to think she will be ok for one day and it won't disrupt her too much? I am happy to go into July as obviously I'd rather she do as well as she can but just wondered what people's thoughts are as the June date has a lot of sentimental value for us?! We're looking at the May half term to give her space around the day if that helps?

OP posts:
x2boys · 13/02/2023 15:20

BigGapMum · 13/02/2023 15:15

More students than ever seem to be suffering from excessive anxiety during exams these days. A wedding during the exam period is unnecessary stress and upheaval and this could ultimately affect her exam results so I wouldn't. It's easily avoidable. If you plan the wedding for the very end of June or in July it would give her something to look forward to after the exams have finished, and hopefully all of you would be able to enjoy the day more as a result.

Could it be because of the intense pressure their parents put on them during GCSE,s 🤔

Muchtoomuchtodo · 13/02/2023 15:22

I would definitely not book anything just before or during her exams. Even the most laid back kids can find their response to exams different to anythjgnt hat they’ve experienced before or anticipated.

The last contingency date in wales is June 28th so anything after that would be far less stressful all round

Clymene · 13/02/2023 15:22

How weird to think that planning a massive event in the middle of your child's exams = putting huge pressure on them Hmm

BonnetDeDoucheRodney · 13/02/2023 15:28

This is one of those dilemmas when it's helpful to look at risk/benefit IMO:

A date in June
BENEFIT: You get your anniversary date
It's a nice day off revision from her
RISK: Stressful run up to the wedding, family is distracted and busy, she is distracted from important exams, doesn't feel supported, doesn't perform as well.

Another date
BENEFIT: Family has headspace to support DSD through exams, she can focus on revision, no distractions
RISK: You feel disappointed to not have the anniversary date

For the sake of a nice memorable date it doesn't seems worth the risks, I'm surprised you are considering it really.

Pipsquiggle · 13/02/2023 15:29

I have been reflecting on this and I just think you shouldn't do it in June.

Have your wedding in early July. Old anniversaries do not usurp GCSEs IMO.

I think previous posters have put it well - the build up to a wedding is quite full on. I was a pretty laid back bride and the last 3 weeks there was something to do every day regarding the wedding. I think this will be really disruptive to your DSD when she (& you) should be concentrating on exams.

Also, what a lovely way for her to decompress from her exams and celebrate with you and her dad on your wedding day. You can all be stress free on such a wonderful day.

I just think the wedding would be so much better for you and your DSD if you avoided the exam season

Littlepaws18 · 13/02/2023 15:36

How do you know she won't have an exam on that day if it's a weekday?

x2boys · 13/02/2023 15:41

Littlepaws18 · 13/02/2023 15:36

How do you know she won't have an exam on that day if it's a weekday?

Op.said it was as the half term.week.

TeenDivided · 13/02/2023 15:46

Schools often run revision sessions over half term.

It isn't so much the time over half term, but the inflexibility as to which day once it is booked. She can't work around the sessions school is putting on or whatever.

Jabberthehutz · 13/02/2023 15:49

Have you thought about having the wedding in the exam hall? You could both enjoy the day and at least your dd won’t be disrupted for the most IMPORTANT EXAM OF HER LIFE!

IrritableCowSyndrome · 13/02/2023 15:52

I don't think it's ideal.

She needs a quiet and calm time at home and she won't get that with you sorting our last minute wedding issues.

She will no doubt want to be involved in the preparations too, which won't be possible if she's studying.

Do it at a time when you all have no other distractions.

As an adult, what difference does it make whether or not you get married the same month as you met? That shouldn't be your focus or priority!

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 13/02/2023 16:07

Don’t plan it in the middle of her exams, that’s rubbish. It’s not just one day it’s all the build up, arrangements etc etc you’ve waited 7 years! Don’t do this to her.

margegunderson · 13/02/2023 16:16

Good grief don't do this! she comes first during this period. You can come first after it. Or before (a long time before). You're creating a new anniversary - it doesn't have to mirror an existing one.
She's not just sitting exams - she's revising, having pressure put on by school, putting pressure on herself and will want to spend time with friends as well. This is an extra thing she doesn't need. Do it when she can wholeheartedly take part and enjoy it rather than juggling all the other stuff she's got to do.

CrkdLttrCrkdLttr · 13/02/2023 16:17

Grin As well as your wonderfully succinct post, I adore your user name, @WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing !

TiaraBoo · 13/02/2023 16:28

Seems a shame not to wait until after the exams so your DSD can feel part of the wedding and get excited for the big day.

If it was eg an uncle getting married, then I’d say fine have a day off revision for the wedding, but this is more than that. I’d want her to be a little bit more involved and at the same time saying I want her focus during exam time to be exams are the priority. I think this would be a nice balance.

nicknamehelp · 13/02/2023 16:35

I would say July then she can look forward to it after exams, enjoy the build up and not be stressed. (Also if school do a prom try and figure out roughly when that normally is).

EyesOnThePies · 13/02/2023 16:35

I would steer well clear if the exam period, from the mocks until the last exam.

GCSEs is really stressful. So many subjects, so many individual exams. Many kids need a lot of your focus in keeping them on track, calm, etc.

Family coming to stay, comings and goings, you with a big event to plan… wouldn’t you rather not be distracted and be able to focus on your wedding without any worry about your Dd?

KILM · 13/02/2023 16:53

Some of the replies on here! She won't be revising EVERY SINGLE DAY and presumably she will also socialise and do hobbies etc during that time period because you know, normal life goes on. Or should she be locked in her room revising 24 hours a day and not thinking about anything else? A wedding is one day and then maybe some discussions/ other activities in the lead up which would all constitute 'regular breaks and time away from revision' which is what's recommended to any student at any stage in their life, never mind students sitting exams that literally everyone sits... i wouldn't give it a second thought, book it.

Pipsquiggle · 13/02/2023 17:29

KILM · 13/02/2023 16:53

Some of the replies on here! She won't be revising EVERY SINGLE DAY and presumably she will also socialise and do hobbies etc during that time period because you know, normal life goes on. Or should she be locked in her room revising 24 hours a day and not thinking about anything else? A wedding is one day and then maybe some discussions/ other activities in the lead up which would all constitute 'regular breaks and time away from revision' which is what's recommended to any student at any stage in their life, never mind students sitting exams that literally everyone sits... i wouldn't give it a second thought, book it.

The thing @KILM she might be working every single day because that's how she works. You don't know her. The lead up / preparation to the wedding and then the wedding itself could be difference between a 7 or an 8; or an 8 and a 9.

We only have our own experiences. When I did GCSEs, I did revise every single day in June. My DC1 did the 11+ mid September 2022, he revised every day in Sept. Thankfully he passed, however, most didn't.
TBH when he was in the last few weeks it was about him having a solid sleep routine which I would say was equally important for GCSE students.

JimHensonWasAGenius · 13/02/2023 17:38

Thank goodness my parents didn't put the amount of pressure and stress on exams as some of the batshit replies on here.

Pipsquiggle · 13/02/2023 17:42

JimHensonWasAGenius · 13/02/2023 17:38

Thank goodness my parents didn't put the amount of pressure and stress on exams as some of the batshit replies on here.

@JimHensonWasAGenius it's not about pressure, it's about knowing how your child works best and adapting your schedule, in exam season, so they can have the best possible chance - whether that's getting a 9 or a 1.

TBH I would think most parents would do that for their DC whilst they're doing exams that count.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 13/02/2023 17:44

JimHensonWasAGenius · 13/02/2023 17:38

Thank goodness my parents didn't put the amount of pressure and stress on exams as some of the batshit replies on here.

What would be piling on pressure is arranging a wedding right in the middle of a time when you should be keeping everything nice and calm for your young adult as they head into the first ever public exams that actually count for something.

Lapland123 · 13/02/2023 17:50

I’d go for end of June, into july. So both the wedding and the GCSEs can get the attention they both deserve. I’d steer well clear of wedding in midst exam season- it’ll spoil it for you all really

oioimatey · 13/02/2023 17:58

If it's a local ceremony one Saturday in June then no harm done IMO. What does your DSD need to actually do other than turn up and be there on the day?

If it's a weekend away and requires travelling then maybe not.

Quitelikeacatslife · 13/02/2023 18:13

We've got GCSEs this year and if honestly go for last weekend in June as she'll be really finished then, chilled and will be great celebration . I don't put pressure on my DC but it is there anyway . Then you could go on cheap family holiday in early July before other schools finish

dapsnotplimsolls · 13/02/2023 18:21

Saturday 29th June 2024 - still June and no exams on that day.

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