Wedding during GCSE period

[RoseyPosey78]

After a very long engagement (7 years!) DP & I are finally booking our wedding for next year. We have always wanted to get married in June as our unofficial anniversary is in this month. However, DSD will be taking her GCSE's next year and they fall over May-June time! Do you think AIBU to to think she will be ok for one day and it won't disrupt her too much? I am happy to go into July as obviously I'd rather she do as well as she can but just wondered what people's thoughts are as the June date has a lot of sentimental value for us?! We're looking at the May half term to give her space around the day if that helps?

My kids were finished by 20 June, why not choose the last Saturday in June?

No one gives a shiny shite about them approximately as soon as you get the results and begin whatever your next step is.

Your next steps for the following 2 or 3 years depend on the results. It may not seem so important further down the line but it is at the time. Minimum grades for Sixth Form here and for the level of college courses you can access.

No one gives a shiny shite about them approximately as soon as you get the results and begin whatever your next step is.

Our teen’s school required a certain number of A / 8/9 grades to secure entry to the sixth form. If they had been forced to leave they would have lost not just their A’ Level plans, but their friendship group, extracurricular activities and the support of staff they knew and trusted while applying for university. And there were no comparable, alternative schools or colleges available to us.

So yes, their GCSE performance would affect their immediate future and have a direct effect on their wider life, going forward.

(Perhaps more importantly I’m speaking as someone whose GCSE equivalent exams were severely disrupted. It was a truly awful time.)

I think it's a bit selfish to have the wedding then to be honest. Yes, it's only "a day", but its a distraction at what will already be a stressful time for your step daughter.

You and her father are going to be busy we wedding preparations in the days leading up to it, and your SD may need help with revision, or may just want to hang out with Dad to relax and feel she's not able to bother the two of you.

On top of that, her Dad is going to be getting re-married. I don't know what your relationship is like with SD, but even if it's fantastic, watching your Dad marry someone who's not your Mum is a weird feeling, it's not great for keeping a clear head.

And finally, surely you want your SD to enjoy the day as well? She'll do that a lot easier once exams aren't hanging over her head.

It makes no material difference exactly when you get married, so why not delay by a month?

The person you quoted said nobody gives a shit as soon as you get your results and take the next step. You haven't disproven that. You've said exactly what she said.

I wouldn’t do it. My kids worked really hard for their exams and I took as much stress off them as possible by not asking them to do any cooking or housework or looking after the animals or younger siblings during that time. I wouldn’t ask them to sit and have their nails done when they could be either studying or having some downtime and I definitely wouldn’t have expected them to attend an event that will take up a big chunk of the day 1 or 2 days before an exam. If you must have it in June (or May half term) then a weekend day at the beginning of May half term would be best - apart from it’s not in June. The end of June, after the exams are over is definitely better than during.

I went to Ibiza with a friend and her (very relaxed about underage drinking) family in the half term before GCSEs (no revision was done obviously). The idea that one day for a wedding is a big deal is fairly hilarious to me.

I’d go for end of June. GCSES was a stressful period in our house (despite us not putting any pressure on), I wouldn’t add anything else into the mix until after the exams personally.

I revised hard for GCSEs. I wouldn't have wanted a wedding in the middle of them. Why would you do that when you could get married at any other time and avoid any issues?

But this is speaking as someone who thinks choosing a wedding date around an unofficial anniversary is silly. Whatever date you marry on becomes meaningful in itself.

@GoodChat - you’ve completely misunderstood the import of the words as soon as you get the results and begin whatever your next step is.

Never mind.

What an odd take. My kid has worked really hard and had so much disruption through Covid that I won't do anything to jeopardise their exams. That's not the same thing as piling on pressure.

No I think you missed the point...

She said nobody cares once they are done and you started talking about how important they were for your children to get to the point of them being done.

exam dates aren’t negotiable.

your (not yet planned) wedding day is.

it will make no difference at all to wait till July.

no one gives a shiny shite about them approximately as soon as you get the results and begin whatever your next step is

This is such rubbish. Plenty of universities look at GCSE grades. Almost all jobs require certain basics. And the grades will almost certainly matter to the daughter a great deal, given that she’s spent 2 years working for them. Honestly, cannot get my head around this mentality not that of OP.

Plus it’s the worst possible message for the father to give his daughter- we’re prioritising our wedding over your exams.

Wonder whether op would be so unconcerned if it was her DD.

OP it's really important to remember that this is Mumsnet and you're a step parent so whatever date you pick will be wrong.

School holidays? You monster, she wants to be with her friends, not at a wedding.
Term time? How dare you make her miss school.
Saturday? She's been at school all week. Let her rest.
Sunday? She's back at school the next day, she needs to rest.
Wait until she's finished university? Oh so she has to book a day off work and waste her annual leave?

Thanks for the reminder 🤣 @GoodChat

and you started talking about how important they were for your children to get to the point of them being done.

Can you read?
I very clearly spoke about the potential effects going forward of not doing well in their GCSEs.

And the quote you quoted didn't dispute that, bab.

OP this would be incredibly selfish of you. You can literally get married any time (and random pre-wedding anniversaries don’t matter at all once you’re married so don’t get hung up on June being a “thing).

GCSEs can be the difference between going to uni or not which can impact the rest of DSD’s life. Why you would want to risk that for her is beyond me.

While I think there has to be a balance and think it’s important to maintain outside interests I just don’t think the quote below is true:

”No one gives a shiny shite about them approximately as soon as you get the results and begin whatever your next step is.”

When I did grad recruitment we looked at GCSEs as it was one of the few differentiating factors when you have a ton of 2:1 students with 4 As/A*s. There will be universities that look at GCSE’s etc as well.

At the end of the day, the decision on date is a balance between the OP’s preferred month because of an unofficial anniversary which to many feels a bit tenuous versus exams. And that is why it feels a bit selfish to lots of posters.

@Movingsoon21 It would be incredibly selfish to go ahead and book it without thinking about every element including (most importantly!) my DSD. I don't think it's your place to dictate what is or isn't important to me and my DP either, as he also suggested a June wedding. I will of course ultimately do what is best for my DSD, don't worry about that.

Honestly, it's SUCH a stressful time for kids, it really would best to avoid her exam time. She'll be revising late, stressed, doing dozens of papers, mocks ad whatevers.
This is a BIG deal. I'm nearly 50 and I remember sitting mine like it was yesterday! A levels were much easier,

TBH I think this is a ridiculous question as this MASSIVELY depends on the DC in question. And none of us know her.

For some teenagers having a day at a wedding will not affect them one jot, for others it will hugely negatively impact them.

Does she suffer from anxiety?
What kind of student - Is she a planner or a last minute sort of person?
If she is a 'night before' crammer, I would strongly advise NOT having a June wedding.
I was a night before reviser and a wedding a day or 2 before my GCSEs would probably have buggered things up for me.

I think you are going to have a transparent chat with the parents of the child and what's best for her.

Certain dates will be wrong for different posters.
I'd personally avoid key exam dates and maybe term time, the rest would be fine.

OP, I'd bear in mind that this would be a planned disruption to the exam schedule, there could easily be unplanned disruptions as well, sickness, etc.
I would steer clear of any date during the GCSE period, but if she is confident of getting the grades needed for her next steps, then a few days off in May half term might even be good for her.

I was on track to be a millionaire - till I failed my gcse Geography and my whole life fell apart. Said no one ever!
Honestly, your dd will be fine, if she is not academically clever it won’t really make much difference, and if she is academically clever, guess what, it still won’t make much difference because everyone knows that one day’s of cramming is hardly going to influence the end outcome.