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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding during GCSE period

236 replies

RoseyPosey78 · 13/02/2023 13:38

After a very long engagement (7 years!) DP & I are finally booking our wedding for next year. We have always wanted to get married in June as our unofficial anniversary is in this month. However, DSD will be taking her GCSE's next year and they fall over May-June time! Do you think AIBU to to think she will be ok for one day and it won't disrupt her too much? I am happy to go into July as obviously I'd rather she do as well as she can but just wondered what people's thoughts are as the June date has a lot of sentimental value for us?! We're looking at the May half term to give her space around the day if that helps?

OP posts:
GoodChat · 13/02/2023 14:42

CTRALTDEL · 13/02/2023 14:38

Honestly, it's SUCH a stressful time for kids, it really would best to avoid her exam time. She'll be revising late, stressed, doing dozens of papers, mocks ad whatevers.
This is a BIG deal. I'm nearly 50 and I remember sitting mine like it was yesterday! A levels were much easier,

I was never stressed at all during my GCSE period. I wasn't frazzled or staying up late revising.

OP knows her DSD considering she's raised her for a decade.

sunlovingcriminal · 13/02/2023 14:43

I'm a step parent myself so realise it's a minefield. Imo- I'd probably defer it til July or September...

Then it'll be something for her to look forward to post exams, and you don't need to even think about whether she's stressed or worried about it conflicting with her exams. I think it would be a nice nod to her and recognising that exams (might be!) stressful!!

I kind of agree that there is nothing wrong with having a "new" anniversary, your old anniversary will still always be special! I had a September wedding and the light in the photos was spectacular!

Bigboypants12 · 13/02/2023 14:43

It would be madness to think that 16 years of education could be completely undone by one night of wedding celebrating. Wouldn’t that make it a really stupid way to assess children?

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 13/02/2023 14:44

I think a day off to attend the wedding is fine but it’s probably nicer to wait till a bit after so she can fully participate in the preparations and not be worried about exams but you know her best so probably know how stressed she will feel/

JemimaTiggywinkles · 13/02/2023 14:46

If it's the first Saturday of the half term I'd say go for it. The whole world can't come to a standstill, and that's actually a good time to have a weekend off from revision. Any other time then no, because if she had 2 exams on the Monday she'll likely want the whole weekend to do revision.

TeenDivided · 13/02/2023 14:50

I'm in the no camp.
It won't be just the day, it will be clothes / shoe shopping before etc.
It will be her Dad getting distracted by wedding stuff rather than him focusing on his DD and her exams.

I'd get married this year instead.

x2boys · 13/02/2023 14:51

Movingsoon21 · 13/02/2023 14:33

OP this would be incredibly selfish of you. You can literally get married any time (and random pre-wedding anniversaries don’t matter at all once you’re married so don’t get hung up on June being a “thing).

GCSEs can be the difference between going to uni or not which can impact the rest of DSD’s life. Why you would want to risk that for her is beyond me.

This is going to blow your mind but outside of the mumsnet bubble of everyone does A Levels and goes to uni there are many different options to 16 year olds ,but even if uni was the only option if one night if letting her hair down was good nd honour all that into jeopardy ,than frankly I'd it really worth it.

Moonlaserbearwolf · 13/02/2023 14:52

In your shoes I’d definitely wait until end of June or early July. One day is fine, but the build up could be a distraction. Or just wait until September - statistically better weather!

PumpkinDart · 13/02/2023 14:56

I'd say to aim for after her GCSEs just so that she can enjoy the excitement of wedding prep with you. One night is highly unlikely to impact on her grades but depending how close you are/ how close she is with her father I'd want to make her feel included in the build up rather than worrying about a maths exam a couple of days later.

YukoandHiro · 13/02/2023 14:57

The problem isn't the day itself, it's how distracted and stressed you might be for the whole month beforehand (you think you won't - I thought I wouldn't, we only had 35 people - but you will be). So I would do it earlier or leave it til midsummer when it's all over

quietnightmare · 13/02/2023 14:59

This is so funny. Book for when you want imagine she doesn't even pick up a book to revise

FairyBatman · 13/02/2023 15:01

Can't you go for the last weekend in Ju e after the exams finish. Most of them will be done anyway but just in case of a clash or random late
one the 29/30 should be safe.

It'll be something to look forward to.

FrenchandSaunders · 13/02/2023 15:04

Blimey bit of hysteria on here about GCSEs! Not all kids get into a frazzled tizz about them.

Mine took them 5 years ago, still carried on with their sport, social lives, part time jobs.

spacechimp79 · 13/02/2023 15:04

I'd go for the 29th June.

Ponderingwindow · 13/02/2023 15:08

It won’t just be one day or on weekend. Weddings for immediate family are busy affairs in the lead up and take up a lot of attention. Even just time spent arranging her clothing, hair, makeup. There may be showers or other pre-events. The house is going to be busier than normal.

sometimes you need to pick a different date, especially if you are older and already have children.

dapsnotplimsolls · 13/02/2023 15:08

Late June would be better but be aware there's usually a designated day in late June that students are told to keep free in case an exam is disrupted.

FrippEnos · 13/02/2023 15:10

I very much doubt that it will be just for one day.

Original poster
RoseyPosey78 · 13/02/2023 15:10

@dapsnotplimsolls I will definitely ask the school about this thank you!

OP posts:
StanleyBriggs · 13/02/2023 15:11

Depends on the child and the wedding. Mine is quite anxious so I wouldn't. Once the exams start she can have quite a lot in a week and realistically the wedding is likely to affect her more than just one day.

Also proms are often in late June just after exams.

I would go for late July. But then I can't imagine getting sentimental about early June. We ended up with a less preferred month because that was the date available, and it didn't spoil anything at all.

Candleabra · 13/02/2023 15:14

This current cohort have been massively disrupted. GCSEs are a big thing this year. Mine is super stressed and is under achieving due to missing so much learning throughout covid.
I would wait to get married til afterwards.

BigGapMum · 13/02/2023 15:15

More students than ever seem to be suffering from excessive anxiety during exams these days. A wedding during the exam period is unnecessary stress and upheaval and this could ultimately affect her exam results so I wouldn't. It's easily avoidable. If you plan the wedding for the very end of June or in July it would give her something to look forward to after the exams have finished, and hopefully all of you would be able to enjoy the day more as a result.

GloomyDarkness · 13/02/2023 15:17

Half term to revise may be priority for her - or the school and college may have revision session in during it.

Other than that probably depends how she react to formal external exams - some kids get really stressed and plonking a wedding in that as well may not work well.

As level exams aren't a think in England any more really so year after could avoid the issue for her entirely.

As levels are a thing in Wales - its some GCSE exams in Y10 and then Y11 the As level exams in Y12 and then A-level in Y13. So last year with a Y10 and Y12 sitting exams taught me they get highly stresses which surprise me as prior to this they were much more relax about it all.

It would be safer to aim for after the exams in June - just to avoid problems but it does come down to the child in question and when their exams fall.

MirabelMax · 13/02/2023 15:17

I really would be guided by her and her school rather than mumsnet on this one.

Not all weddings involve endless preparation and stress. Not all kids need undivided attention every single day in the months around their gcses.

Sounds like you have a good relationship and a tight knit little family unit - trust YOUR judgment on this, not the mumsnet crazies.

GoodChat · 13/02/2023 15:17

BigGapMum · 13/02/2023 15:15

More students than ever seem to be suffering from excessive anxiety during exams these days. A wedding during the exam period is unnecessary stress and upheaval and this could ultimately affect her exam results so I wouldn't. It's easily avoidable. If you plan the wedding for the very end of June or in July it would give her something to look forward to after the exams have finished, and hopefully all of you would be able to enjoy the day more as a result.

I'd suggest students suffering excessive anxiety are doing so because they're the children of the posters on this thread and are made to feel like their whole future rests on these exams.

ifonly4 · 13/02/2023 15:19

My DD would have been absolutely fine with that. Maybe a bit anxious about it before, but by the time GCSEs came she'd done all the worrying. Even at that age, she knew she needed chill out time - I was the one who was worrying if she took an evening off, spent whole day and teatime with friends on a weekend. Didn't need to worry, she got her predicted grades, and three where higher than predicted.

You could talk it over with her. Obviously there's the option of half term/ usually late May/early June, or late June if you think she'd feel under too much pressure. One thing that wouldn't be a good idea is to have people to stay, as they do need quiet space and just to be able to go off when they feel they need to and revise).

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