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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Clean bedding is a basic hygiene standard, yes?

526 replies

Dirrrty · 13/02/2023 12:46

Ex H has taken our two children several hours' away to visit his parents, along with his new girlfriend.
They live in a three-bed house; one single bed, two double.
My 12yo has phoned me grossed out that he's been put in a bed that his 15yo cousin had slept in the night before (if not longer than one night, he's not sure), and the sheets weren't changed. My 7yo was put on an uncomfortable sofa for the night. During the night, she was so uncomfortable that she got up and asked to be in the bed with ex and new gf. I'm not happy about that at all. He should have known she wouldn't be comfortable on the crappy sofa, and imo, the two children should have been given the double bed, new gf in single bed, and him on the sofa downstairs. He's a selfish arsehole though, so it wouldn't occur to him to think of his children before himself and new gf.
New gf is heading home tonight so my son asked his grandmother if he and his sister could sleep in the double bed tonight, and would she please wash the bedding. (Ex is out with new gf for the day showing her the nearest big city, so kids are dumped with the grandparents doing absolutely nothing, just sat in the house.
I'm not happy about that either.) Ex-mil has told my son she is too busy to wash the bedding (my son says they are just sitting about).

But my aibu is, surely it's basic hygiene when having guests to give them clean sheets???

YANBU - of course they should have clean sheets
YABU - it's not going to kill them, sleeping in used sheets, meh whatever.

Comments re the sleeping arrangements welcome too. Thank you.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 13/02/2023 12:49

If his cousin had only slept in it a couple of times it's ok.

Your ex is an arse.

StopFeckingFaffing · 13/02/2023 12:50

YABU - sheets that have been slept in for a couple of nights by another child is not something I could get myself worked up about tbh

bellac11 · 13/02/2023 12:50

Its up to their father. They are in his care at the moment

For what its worth I think its no biggie for a child to sleep on a bed another child has been in, its not going to be full of sweat or something

And sometimes kids do sleep on the sofa at someones house. I would think it odd if the father and his girlfriend slept separately so that the kids were in a double bed together.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 13/02/2023 12:52

Not sure and 12 yo ds and a 7 yo dd should be sharing a bed tbh...

toomuchlaundry · 13/02/2023 12:52

How long are they there for? Does ex normally do parenting when the DC are with him?

Original poster
Dirrrty · 13/02/2023 12:55

Really surprised by the comments. People are gross - pick their noses, scratch their bits, dribble in their sleep. 15yo of an age to be, you know ...

I understand sofa-sleeping in general. The one they have is notoriously uncomfortable. No way would I have put my child on it. She says her back hurts and she's knackered after not being able to sleep. He knows it's an uncomfortable sofa. It's not fit for sleeping on.

Yes, he's an arse.

I know they are in his care right now. I just don't think he does care. He could have taken the kids into town too, but couldn't be bothered. Their da is wasted in home with his parents, crap on TV, sitting about.

OP posts:
WeWereInParis · 13/02/2023 12:56

StopFeckingFaffing · 13/02/2023 12:50

YABU - sheets that have been slept in for a couple of nights by another child is not something I could get myself worked up about tbh

Agreed.

Ideally they'd be clean, but it's not the end of the world. Maybe they don't have a spare set for the single bed (or the spare set is being used by the child on the sofa?) and they couldn't wash and dry the bedding in a day.

Original poster
Dirrrty · 13/02/2023 12:56

toomuchlaundry · 13/02/2023 12:52

How long are they there for? Does ex normally do parenting when the DC are with him?

Five nights. He usually has them EOW. I don't think much of his parenting.

OP posts:
bellac11 · 13/02/2023 12:57

Whether you think their day is wasted is not really the point. Its time they're having with their grandparents, while in the care of their father.

It doesnt have to be all bells whistling, they are spending time with their extended family.

NuffSaidSam · 13/02/2023 12:57

I think it's not absolutely ideal, but equally it's fine. Clean sheets are a basic expectation, but these sheets aren't dirty are they? They've just been used for another child the night before. They're not fresh, but they're not dirty (unless there is a drip feed that actually the 15 year old shat the bed ..).

I think it's also reasonable to put the smallest and lightest person on the sofa because it's generally most comfortable for them. It's a shame she wasn't comfortable and hopefully they'll work out a better solution tonight.

IAmTheWalrus85 · 13/02/2023 12:57

I wouldn’t like to sleep in sheets that a 15 year old had used. So I don’t see why a 12 year old should be ok with it. No, it won’t kill him, but that’s true of most hygiene related things. It won’t kill me if I don’t change my socks tomorrow. I’m still going to do it.

Original poster
Dirrrty · 13/02/2023 12:58

Eastereggsboxedupready · 13/02/2023 12:52

Not sure and 12 yo ds and a 7 yo dd should be sharing a bed tbh...

It's not ideal. But with the bed situation as it is, I'd have taken the double with the kids, or if he won't, I still think it's better to have the kids share than him with his gf whilst my kids are in 7sed bedding/on an uncomfortable sofa

OP posts:
Original poster
Dirrrty · 13/02/2023 12:58

IAmTheWalrus85 · 13/02/2023 12:57

I wouldn’t like to sleep in sheets that a 15 year old had used. So I don’t see why a 12 year old should be ok with it. No, it won’t kill him, but that’s true of most hygiene related things. It won’t kill me if I don’t change my socks tomorrow. I’m still going to do it.

Yes, exactly my thoughts.

OP posts:
LeandraDear · 13/02/2023 12:59

You are trying to dictate what your ex in laws do - it really isn't your business to do this.

xogossipgirlxo · 13/02/2023 13:00

To me it's gross, but I can see I'm minority by looking at poll results. Wow.

Original poster
Dirrrty · 13/02/2023 13:00

bellac11 · 13/02/2023 12:57

Whether you think their day is wasted is not really the point. Its time they're having with their grandparents, while in the care of their father.

It doesnt have to be all bells whistling, they are spending time with their extended family.

My son says his GPs are doing nothing with them. Exfil watching sport on TV (my son doesn't like watching sport on TV). Ex-mil is fannying about. My kids are just sat on their tablets. What's the point?

OP posts:
Original poster
Dirrrty · 13/02/2023 13:01

xogossipgirlxo · 13/02/2023 13:00

To me it's gross, but I can see I'm minority by looking at poll results. Wow.

I know. I'm really shocked.

OP posts:
LeandraDear · 13/02/2023 13:01

Dirrrty · 13/02/2023 13:00

My son says his GPs are doing nothing with them. Exfil watching sport on TV (my son doesn't like watching sport on TV). Ex-mil is fannying about. My kids are just sat on their tablets. What's the point?

Show quote history

You can't be serious?

Curiosity101 · 13/02/2023 13:02

If your kids have an issue with the arrangement then they're probably old enough now to make their mind up about future visits?

I'd let your ex know the issues, accept that the kids will certainly survive the visit and then ask him if he could improve it next time as it might put the kids off visiting.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/02/2023 13:02

The point is to spend time with their grandparents. It won’t always be scintillating. It’s their choice to spend time on devices.

Clymene · 13/02/2023 13:03

It's none of your business and frankly if my grandchildren demanded I washed bedding when it has been on the bed one night, I'd tell them where to get off.

They're not running a bloody hotel.

Movinghouseatlast · 13/02/2023 13:03

I agree with you, the sheets should be clean.

My sister in law doesn't change the sheets in between guests and I can't bring myself to sleep there since I found out. It is just horrible.

watcherintherye · 13/02/2023 13:03

The only time I wouldn’t wash bedding, even after a visitor for 1 night, is if the same person is returning within a few days. Otherwise clean bedding every time.

Maybe the g/f could have had the sofa!

gogohmm · 13/02/2023 13:03

I couldn't get worked up over not changing the sheets from his cousin assuming just a night or two and not other mitigating factors eg cousin wet the bed. One child sleeping in the sofa doesn't seem an issue either though I would have put a camp bed in with their sibling. I'm getting undertones of not liking the fact of the new girlfriend, none of the rest is unreasonable

Manaslave18 · 13/02/2023 13:04

I think it’s horrible and gross. 15 year old boys are sweaty and greasy yuk!

We stayed with some of my DH’s relatives once and when we went to bed very late we discovered the sheets weren’t clean. We asked for clean sheets and were refused on the grounds they had been clean on before his aunt had stayed over previously 🤢The bed was full of bits of dirt picked up by her walking around their dirty floors with socks on that she had then obviously kept on in bed. It was the worst nights sleep of my life.

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