Clean bedding is a basic hygiene standard, yes?

[Dirrrty]

Ex H has taken our two children several hours' away to visit his parents, along with his new girlfriend.
They live in a three-bed house; one single bed, two double.
My 12yo has phoned me grossed out that he's been put in a bed that his 15yo cousin had slept in the night before (if not longer than one night, he's not sure), and the sheets weren't changed. My 7yo was put on an uncomfortable sofa for the night. During the night, she was so uncomfortable that she got up and asked to be in the bed with ex and new gf. I'm not happy about that at all. He should have known she wouldn't be comfortable on the crappy sofa, and imo, the two children should have been given the double bed, new gf in single bed, and him on the sofa downstairs. He's a selfish arsehole though, so it wouldn't occur to him to think of his children before himself and new gf.
New gf is heading home tonight so my son asked his grandmother if he and his sister could sleep in the double bed tonight, and would she please wash the bedding. (Ex is out with new gf for the day showing her the nearest big city, so kids are dumped with the grandparents doing absolutely nothing, just sat in the house.
I'm not happy about that either.) Ex-mil has told my son she is too busy to wash the bedding (my son says they are just sitting about).

But my aibu is, surely it's basic hygiene when having guests to give them clean sheets???

YANBU - of course they should have clean sheets
YABU - it's not going to kill them, sleeping in used sheets, meh whatever.

Comments re the sleeping arrangements welcome too. Thank you.

94. Ninety Four.

yes, that’s probably enough responses.

This.

You're right. But it's very easy to say that (in a nice patronising tone) than it is to just shake it off. It hurts when someone you loved and built a life with breezes on to a replacement version of you so quickly, it hurts watching your kids get shunted down the line of priorities, it hurts being on your own for a bit whist everyone else jumps from relationship to relationship without giving a second thought as to what went wrong, how they contributed to it, and what the kids need most in the wake of a split.

She is venting to an online message board. It's not the worst way to air your frustrations. It probably isn't about bedding. it probably is around he ex and his general shit parenting. But it's not like her having a rant is hurting anyone.

Is gross

"He's really rushed this relationship. He moved in with her very quickly, too. As he did with me (cocklodger). Which was ok, as neither of us had kids to consider back then."

Oh it was ok when it was you 🤣. Did he cocklodge the entire time? You have a pretty big age gap between your kids

My 10 year old pretty much refuses to sleep at his dad's house because of the sleeping arrangements, he never has a clean bed (as in someone's been eating in it and there's food all over it) and he has to sleep on a mattress on the floor in a room with 3 other children, and he absolutely hates it. So no, I don't think you're being unreasonable, the least that can happen is to make sure the smallests of the group at least get a comfortable clean bed to sleep in.

Is your sister in law married to your sibling, or your spouse's sister?
If it's the first case I'd be blaming my sibling, not their spouse.

OP I think it's gross to make guests sleep in used bedding and I would not like it at all. I did get DH to ask for clean bedding when we stayed with some of his family members who had not changed the sheets (we stayed at their invitation, next time we got a hotel).

Absolutely flabbergasted by the vote and comments. You filthy mares.

Op seems to adore her children. How awful of her, to want clean sheets for them, a car seat, and not have them ignored.

also appalled at how some of you dismiss children. Who cares if the cousin is related? I bet you’d want clean sheets in a hotel. So what’s the difference?

op, you got this. 💐

I'm not disagreeing that it's a bit shit but really there's not much you can do about it and you should save yourself the stress by keeping out of your exs business.

My DH and I have to send his 4 yo DD to her mother every other week knowing she won't be bathed, have her hair brushed, will live off cereal, be left with her teenage brother all day, won't have her eczema treated and basically be ignored. I can tell you from experience that trying to tell an ex how to parent or worrying about every single thing that happens when the kids with them does no one any good.

The car seat I agree is a hill to die on if the dc is small. Plenty of 7 year olds do meet there height/weight requirements though and granny is from a generation where no one even worse seatbelts so likely didn't know. Anyway all good because granny listened and they did not go. Perhaps they can buy a cheap booster or borrow one today.

I think filthy is a stretch for sheets slept on once by a female relative or by their own father who op actually wanted them squashed up in bed sleeping with. The thing it she can't change anything so it would be better for op to be positive with the dc rather than confirm it's all so awful because it's really not. The dc will have an even worse time knowing their mum is so disapproving which tbf sounds like is what op wants - for them to rather be with her

I do feel for your kids being treated as second best by their grandparents and sidelined by their father. There will come a day when the children are old enough to decide for themselves that they don't want to visit people who plainly can't be bothered with them. Do you think this would bother your EXDH much?

I would wash the sheets if someone else had slept in them personally.

Please get a grip

Please have some standards and make sure your kids are cared for.

Must be very windy up there on your high horse - we are talking about one kid who slept once on a sofa and one who shared a bed ( slept in once by a cousin) for one night - it might not be ideal but it’s hardly the drama that it’s being being made out to be - not to mention the children were getting to visit their extended family, which is a bonus. My standards are fine as are my children since you mention. Honestly what a delight you must be in real life - again get a grip.

Even if you are right you cannot influence which beds the kids are given, where they are entertained or the bed sheets used. You would be better off encouraging your kids to make the best of it. You could tell them to ask their dad or grandparents to do a specific activity or to meet up with cousins. You could tell your ds that sleeping in same bed is no big deal. It might not be up to your or his standards but is not the end of the world. Sometimes sleeping arrangements are not great when visiting but for a few nights most kids could cope with this.

Maybe GPs have a better relationship with their other GC because they actually engage with them, don’t turn up and demand fresh bedding/expect to be entertained then sit there in a mood bitching to mummy about how awful and unfair everything is? I feel sorry for your kids but you have encouraged their expectations and poor me attitude because of your own personal feelings about ex and his family. You’ve already said yourself how they are ‘owed a big treat’ when their home as if they have had to endure something awful, but you refuse to see an issue with what your doing.

I just can't understand a) why a single woman would move a new bf into their flat kids in tow,
b) why a man who has just got out of a long term relationship would be so quick to shack up with someone else.

There's an easy answer to both of those questions: they both only care about themselves and probably aren't very bright.

What an odd little thread. I’ve always put clean sheets on for guests, but never met a kid who even would consider it.

Mine would absolutely refuse to sleep in someone else's dirty sheets. He is 5.

Your kids are with their dad, he makes the parenting decisions. Seriously, you will be a much happier person if you don't get involved in this kind of stuff, your 12 year old obviously knows that stirring it is encouraged and with the greatest respect all the things you are saying as fact may well not be so - you are not there so are getting one version of the story. Did your 12yo tell you "MIL is fannying around", if so I would be more concerned about his lack of respect but he knows he is telling mum what she wants to hear.

How would he know?

My children are not happy there. And that breaks my heart.

I get that, OP. I would feel exactly the same.

I suspect if your ex had spent more time with them, while visiting GPs, your children may not have had such an issue, as they would have had less time to focus on the negatives as their attention would have been elsewhere.

What a crap situation for the children. This would have upset me, too.

@Dirrrty

“What are my kids memories of this half term? Well, stuck in a house with old people”

omg op!! Your poor kids stuck with old people!

outrageous! The poor things!

im so upset for your kids!!

@CountryMusicHottie

lol don’t ask as if they are being starved and being made to sleep outside

@CountryMusicHottie

lol don’t act as if they are being starved and being made to sleep outside