Clean bedding is a basic hygiene standard, yes?

[Dirrrty]

Ex H has taken our two children several hours' away to visit his parents, along with his new girlfriend.
They live in a three-bed house; one single bed, two double.
My 12yo has phoned me grossed out that he's been put in a bed that his 15yo cousin had slept in the night before (if not longer than one night, he's not sure), and the sheets weren't changed. My 7yo was put on an uncomfortable sofa for the night. During the night, she was so uncomfortable that she got up and asked to be in the bed with ex and new gf. I'm not happy about that at all. He should have known she wouldn't be comfortable on the crappy sofa, and imo, the two children should have been given the double bed, new gf in single bed, and him on the sofa downstairs. He's a selfish arsehole though, so it wouldn't occur to him to think of his children before himself and new gf.
New gf is heading home tonight so my son asked his grandmother if he and his sister could sleep in the double bed tonight, and would she please wash the bedding. (Ex is out with new gf for the day showing her the nearest big city, so kids are dumped with the grandparents doing absolutely nothing, just sat in the house.
I'm not happy about that either.) Ex-mil has told my son she is too busy to wash the bedding (my son says they are just sitting about).

But my aibu is, surely it's basic hygiene when having guests to give them clean sheets???

YANBU - of course they should have clean sheets
YABU - it's not going to kill them, sleeping in used sheets, meh whatever.

Comments re the sleeping arrangements welcome too. Thank you.

Sounds like you want to be offended and want kids to be offended on your behalf

Jealous of new girlfriend?

If he's so grossed out by the bedding tell him to strip the bed himself, ask how to use the washing machine/dryer then put the bedding back on. He's 12 after all. Why should mil have to do it? Presumably her 'fannying' is clearing up or feeding them all. Doesn't sound brilliant but surprised your dc are that fussy. Next time - sleeping bags!

Is is fucking gross!!! 15 year old boy most likely had his way with himself in that bed 🤢 but even if he didn't its still fucking gross. Mumsnet is so weird, in what planet would sharing bed sheets be ok?! And what grandparents say they dont have time to change bedding. Jesus what a shit show. Tell your 12 yo to strip both beds and get his dad to remake the beds with clean bedding when he gets back.

I would never put someone in sheets that have been slept in by someone else 🤢

Honestly it just sounds like your picking fault with anything he does because you wanted half term with the kids. Normally dads get accused of disney parenting, they really cant win.
Dad takes them to town, you would be saying hes dragged them round shops all day, what 7 year old wants to shop etc.
I mean the sheets are not ideal but its also really not the end of the world (have your kids not had sleep overs and shared beds??)
I definitely wouldn't have put an adult on a sofa over a child. Not a chance.
Assume as the GF is leaving today, the 7 year old can share the bed with the parent? Do you expect this bedding washed too?

I think you are raising them to be a little bit precious and whiney! I also think this is more about the girl friend than anything else.

My thoughts exactly

I'd be amazed if the 12yo spontaneously noticed and was revolted by the fact his cousin had slept in the bed. I can't imagine how that even came up in conversation unless the OP prompted her son to ask Granny if the bedding was fresh on.

I can’t believe a seven year old is complaining that the sofa bed isn’t comfortable! Seven year olds will sleep anywhere, if they’re told it’s an adventure!

We are pretty active, actually. But yes, down time too. But I have my kids 26/31 days a month. They haven't seen their GPs for months, they get there and are ignored. If I were them, I'd be showing them some interest, and taking them somewhere. Ex is off showing new gf (she's welcome to him. But in pissed off he's showing her a good time over time with the children, and they're just stuck in the house) a city. Hey can do this every other weekend they don't have my children.

What are my kids memories of this half term? Well, stuck in a house with old people disinterested in them, in dirty bedding, or on an uncomfortable sofa, with a father who would rather spend his time with his new gf.
He only has them every other weekend. Here he is with a chance of a good few days with them, and he'd rather have a day out with his gf. Who he lives with (very very sudden, no time for my kids to adjust), so it's not like he hardly gets time with her.
I would have done so much good stuff with them.

My children are not happy there. And that breaks my heart.

Absolutely not. No jealousy at all.

I'm not offended. I'm grossed out though, and disappointed my daughter wasn't prioritised re sleeping arrangements.

Finally! Some sense!!! Yes!!!

Hm. Interesting re British people. I was born here, but my mother was not. She instilled high hygiene standards in me. By all accounts, she was repulsed by my British father's hygiene standards too, and had to train him up.

I'd have changed the bedding between guests and I wouldn't want to sleep in a bed previously used by a 15yo, but I don't think any 12yo I've ever met would know or care.

Similarly, I find it hard to believe a 7yo found a sofa so uncomfortable they didn't sleep.

It seems to me like a couple kids under pressure to reassure mum they're having a terrible time without her

I don’t think the op said it’s a sofa bed, just a plain old sofa.

British people are known throughout the world for their disgusting hygiene habits. I know this because British people who come to my country tell me this.

Tell you what? British people come to your country and tell you British people are known for being disgusting?

OP I agree with you. This is why your ex doesn’t have his children more often - because he is incompetent. This trip won’t kill your kids and when they are older they can tell stories about how awful their father was to them and how filthy their grandparents were.

I think your children are been dramatic, and its obvious where they are getting that behaviour from.

Sometimes kids have to fit into the lives of the adults around them. This would presumably be the case if you and their father were still together. Encouraging them to expect the prince/princess treatment wherever they go is setting them up for disappointment.

I would change sheets, but I do not think it is a big deal. I would expect the 7 year old to sleep on the sofa. It is really not a big deal.

but I don't think any 12yo I've ever met would know or care.

I’d agree for a younger child, but I think you underestimate the sensibilities of a 12yr old. Maybe it was obvious the bed had been slept in.

I love clean sheets and dh changes ours three times a week (I would do it weekly if it were down to me) but assuming the sheets were clean for one child, the the next night another child came to stay I don't think I would bother changing them unless they were actually dirty.

I would give the bedding a shake and make the bed though. I’d think that was a given.

It's not a sofa bed. It's their regular sofa, and known to not be for sleeping on. I've been trying to find a photo, but can't, but basically it's a three-seater but each seat has raised sides as if it's an office chair. It's not straight flat.

It’s not ideal, but not worth getting worked up over.

To put it in perspective, my stepkids have always slept on bare mattresses with bare duvets and pillows at their mums. Grim

I could not get excited about the sheets. I would not encourage a child to be too precious about these things, its good to be a little resilient.

Sadly I agree with this.

And I would not expect an adult to sleep on a sofa instead of a 7 year old. Sleeping on a sofa is not a big deal, the one issue can be the lack of length. That is not an issue for a 7 year old.