Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Clean bedding is a basic hygiene standard, yes?

526 replies

Dirrrty · 13/02/2023 12:46

Ex H has taken our two children several hours' away to visit his parents, along with his new girlfriend.
They live in a three-bed house; one single bed, two double.
My 12yo has phoned me grossed out that he's been put in a bed that his 15yo cousin had slept in the night before (if not longer than one night, he's not sure), and the sheets weren't changed. My 7yo was put on an uncomfortable sofa for the night. During the night, she was so uncomfortable that she got up and asked to be in the bed with ex and new gf. I'm not happy about that at all. He should have known she wouldn't be comfortable on the crappy sofa, and imo, the two children should have been given the double bed, new gf in single bed, and him on the sofa downstairs. He's a selfish arsehole though, so it wouldn't occur to him to think of his children before himself and new gf.
New gf is heading home tonight so my son asked his grandmother if he and his sister could sleep in the double bed tonight, and would she please wash the bedding. (Ex is out with new gf for the day showing her the nearest big city, so kids are dumped with the grandparents doing absolutely nothing, just sat in the house.
I'm not happy about that either.) Ex-mil has told my son she is too busy to wash the bedding (my son says they are just sitting about).

But my aibu is, surely it's basic hygiene when having guests to give them clean sheets???

YANBU - of course they should have clean sheets
YABU - it's not going to kill them, sleeping in used sheets, meh whatever.

Comments re the sleeping arrangements welcome too. Thank you.

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 13/02/2023 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Swap the word British for pretty much any other nationality and you'd be accused of racism! Because that's what it is

Original poster
Dirrrty · 13/02/2023 13:35

WhatTrophy · 13/02/2023 13:28

I'd have changed the bedding between guests and I wouldn't want to sleep in a bed previously used by a 15yo, but I don't think any 12yo I've ever met would know or care.

Similarly, I find it hard to believe a 7yo found a sofa so uncomfortable they didn't sleep.

It seems to me like a couple kids under pressure to reassure mum they're having a terrible time without her Sad

Not at all. They've gone there before, and all three slept in the double. I don't like not having my kids around, but I supported them having time with family.
Now the gf is there, the sleeping arrangements mean my kids are pushed out, and not comfortable.
They are having a terrible time. I wish they weren't.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 13/02/2023 13:35

Their day is wasted in home with his parents, crap on TV, sitting about

What would they be doing with you, then?

I love sitting about watching crap on TV.

WeWereInParis · 13/02/2023 13:35

It's not a sofa bed. It's their regular sofa, and known to not be for sleeping on. I've been trying to find a photo, but can't, but basically it's a three-seater but each seat has raised sides as if it's an office chair. It's not straight flat.

This sort of thing?

Clean bedding is a basic hygiene standard, yes?
mrscumberbatch11 · 13/02/2023 13:35

My MIL is a lazy moo, so that is absolutely something she would do and I wouldn't like it either.

If it was my own mother and my nephew had slept n the bed I probably wouldn't mind.

sHREDDIES19 · 13/02/2023 13:36

I think your children may been influenced by your standards and your negative view of their father. Under no circumstances could I imagine my seven year old complaining about a sofa (seven year olds are tiny!) or my pre teen moaning about sheets?! I do think it would have been the polite thing to do to provide freshly laundered sheets but it's the fact it's even on your child's radar that surprises me as kids should be low maintenance and well, humble!

Tidsleytiddy · 13/02/2023 13:36

gogohmm · 13/02/2023 13:03

I couldn't get worked up over not changing the sheets from his cousin assuming just a night or two and not other mitigating factors eg cousin wet the bed. One child sleeping in the sofa doesn't seem an issue either though I would have put a camp bed in with their sibling. I'm getting undertones of not liking the fact of the new girlfriend, none of the rest is unreasonable

Yes. I’m thinking it’s more to do with the new gf than the sheets although I agree the bed should have had the sheets changed

olympicsrock · 13/02/2023 13:37

In our house, if a bed has only been slept in for a night by a family member I wouldn’t change the sheets for another family member ( particularly not for a child) .

My 7 year old happily sleeps on the floor. In fact chose to for about 3 months. Much more important that an adult has a proper bed. YABU.

Original poster
Dirrrty · 13/02/2023 13:37

watcherintherye · 13/02/2023 13:31

but I don't think any 12yo I've ever met would know or care.

I’d agree for a younger child, but I think you underestimate the sensibilities of a 12yr old. Maybe it was obvious the bed had been slept in.

Yes. Cousin was still there when my kids arrived, and packing up their things from the bedroom. It was abundantly clear that the bedding had not been changed.
My 12yo likes things clean. As does my 7yo.

OP posts:
watcherintherye · 13/02/2023 13:37

I’m shocked that two thirds of voters think used bedding is fine! Is it because in this case it’s about children? I mean would those voting that it’s ok be happy to sleep in used bedding themselves?

Original poster
Dirrrty · 13/02/2023 13:38

Truly, could not care less that he's in a new relationship. It's not about her, other than that ex is evidently prioritising his time with her, when he has moved in with her yet only sees the children EOW.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 13/02/2023 13:38

You're determined to micromanage everything your children do, OP.

That is unacceptable. If their dad wants to take them to see his parents, it's none of your business unless his parents have just been released from prison for heinous crimes

You sound like a PITA. Just leave them be. They will not be harmed by any of this and you shouldn't be interfering anyway.

It just sounds like you're really jealous that your ex has a new girlfriend and you're equally outraged that he wants to sleep with her. Get over it.

thecatsthecats · 13/02/2023 13:38

TheFretfulPorpentine · 13/02/2023 13:31

Sometimes kids have to fit into the lives of the adults around them. This would presumably be the case if you and their father were still together. Encouraging them to expect the prince/princess treatment wherever they go is setting them up for disappointment.

Agree with this. Sometimes you have to rub along in life.

Would I want to sleep in a bed used for a night by a 15yo at that age? Not particularly.

Would I complain to my mum? Nope. Would I whinge about not being entertained? Nope.

And it's not something for the OP to "break their heart over the lack of half term memories" either - it sounds like they're being modelled a lack of resilience. People like this are usually a PITA to manage at work because of their "nothing is good enough, and it is a BIG BIG DEAL when it isn't" attitude.

maddy68 · 13/02/2023 13:39

Honestly. You are over reacting. The sleeping arrangements were fine. The sheets is a bit ick and at that age they can ask for clean ones as they did

But it's no more unhygienic than sitting on a sofa where everyone's hands and bums have been

Original poster
Dirrrty · 13/02/2023 13:39

watcherintherye · 13/02/2023 13:37

I’m shocked that two thirds of voters think used bedding is fine! Is it because in this case it’s about children? I mean would those voting that it’s ok be happy to sleep in used bedding themselves?

Sadly I think you're right. No adult I know would be ok with it. But apparently kids don't matter, or need to be more resilient.

OP posts:
Tinner01 · 13/02/2023 13:39

watcherintherye · 13/02/2023 13:37

I’m shocked that two thirds of voters think used bedding is fine! Is it because in this case it’s about children? I mean would those voting that it’s ok be happy to sleep in used bedding themselves?

Of course I would. A 15year old boy is not a plague victim, if he’s only been in the bed for one night it’s not that big a deal ffs. I think some people have crazy ideas of hygiene!

Cosyblankets · 13/02/2023 13:39

I don't know a 12 year old who would be bothered
Most 7 year olds can sleep anywhere.
I don't know any family where an adult would give up a bed for a child!
I know a few scorned ex wives though

TheShellBeach · 13/02/2023 13:40

Truly, could not care less that he's in a new relationship

I do not really believe this, OP.

ExistenceOptional · 13/02/2023 13:40

@watcherintherye Nobody thinks used bedding is okay. They just do not think it is such a big deal as the OP thinks it is.

WhatTrophy · 13/02/2023 13:40

Well I don't know OP, but I work with teens and I do know the most messed up ones are those where parents see everything as a competition.

The only response is "I'm sure granny loves having you and everyone's doing their best.

DD, sleep on the floor of the sofa's really that bad and DS wash the sheets if you want to"

Original poster
Dirrrty · 13/02/2023 13:40

maddy68 · 13/02/2023 13:39

Honestly. You are over reacting. The sleeping arrangements were fine. The sheets is a bit ick and at that age they can ask for clean ones as they did

But it's no more unhygienic than sitting on a sofa where everyone's hands and bums have been

We sit on sofas in clothes.

My kids' faces are on pillows where a teen has had their oily face, as a pp said with who knows what skin conditions.

Not to mention bogeys and other bodily excretions.

OP posts:
ExistenceOptional · 13/02/2023 13:41

I have slept in used bedding. Not my preference but I would not make a big deal about it.

Original poster
Dirrrty · 13/02/2023 13:42

TheShellBeach · 13/02/2023 13:40

Truly, could not care less that he's in a new relationship

I do not really believe this, OP.

Why?!

You can believe what you like, I guess. I'm happier out of the relationship with him. I'm just gutted about who I chose as the father of my kids. I categorically do not want to be with him, and I absolutely do not envy his new gf.

OP posts:
watcherintherye · 13/02/2023 13:42

ExistenceOptional · 13/02/2023 13:40

@watcherintherye Nobody thinks used bedding is okay. They just do not think it is such a big deal as the OP thinks it is.

No, you’re wrong. If you read TFT, there are plenty of posters who think sleeping in used sheets is fine and dandy!

WhatTrophy · 13/02/2023 13:42

Dirrrty · 13/02/2023 13:40

We sit on sofas in clothes.

My kids' faces are on pillows where a teen has had their oily face, as a pp said with who knows what skin conditions.

Not to mention bogeys and other bodily excretions.

Show quote history

But sharing the bed with their father and sibling would have been fine?

Swipe left for the next trending thread