Clean bedding is a basic hygiene standard, yes?

[Dirrrty]

Ex H has taken our two children several hours' away to visit his parents, along with his new girlfriend.
They live in a three-bed house; one single bed, two double.
My 12yo has phoned me grossed out that he's been put in a bed that his 15yo cousin had slept in the night before (if not longer than one night, he's not sure), and the sheets weren't changed. My 7yo was put on an uncomfortable sofa for the night. During the night, she was so uncomfortable that she got up and asked to be in the bed with ex and new gf. I'm not happy about that at all. He should have known she wouldn't be comfortable on the crappy sofa, and imo, the two children should have been given the double bed, new gf in single bed, and him on the sofa downstairs. He's a selfish arsehole though, so it wouldn't occur to him to think of his children before himself and new gf.
New gf is heading home tonight so my son asked his grandmother if he and his sister could sleep in the double bed tonight, and would she please wash the bedding. (Ex is out with new gf for the day showing her the nearest big city, so kids are dumped with the grandparents doing absolutely nothing, just sat in the house.
I'm not happy about that either.) Ex-mil has told my son she is too busy to wash the bedding (my son says they are just sitting about).

But my aibu is, surely it's basic hygiene when having guests to give them clean sheets???

YANBU - of course they should have clean sheets
YABU - it's not going to kill them, sleeping in used sheets, meh whatever.

Comments re the sleeping arrangements welcome too. Thank you.

I have to say I agree with you @Clymene I'm astounded that you @Dirrrty are listening to all of this from your children and probably endorsing them. Do you always encourage them to be so disrespectful to people?

Its not great but I wouldn't be getting worked about it. I'd also encourage the kids to speak to Dad about these things. Complaining to you behind his back isn't the best way to carry on really.

YANBU - we have a 14 year old boy and after sleeping in the sheets one night I would change for fresh sheets if someone else was using his bed. Teenagers are at peak hormone /sweaty/slightly incompetent at washing their hair properly. I think it's disrespectful to not change the sheets but as others have pointed out, not much you can do as they are in their father's care. Maybe if a similar stay is on the cards in the future get them sleeping bags to take with them!

Contact with family doesnt have to be anything in particular to have a point

I get you dont like your ex, or his family it seems but they are your children's family. Unless they are in actual immediate danger while in his care you dont really have a say. Get on with something else and get your mind off it

My children surely are my business. My son has rung me upset about the bedding, and my daughter was stressed about being put on the uncomfortable sofa. She had little sleep. I hate that my children are in the 'care' of people who don't give them a clean or comfortable place to sleep.

I wouldn't expect an adult to give up a bed for a 7yo.

TBH I wouldn't expect 7 and 12yo to care about either of these things and suspect the may have been stirred up a bit.

There aren't enough beds to go round OP. You want an adult to sleep on an uncomfortable sofa instead? Get a grip.

I'm fine with milling about, chilling. My son has rung me about the bedding but also saying they are being ignored. These GPs hardly see my children, and they can't be bothered to interact with them. I'd have given them a fabulous half term. I'm really gutted for my kids. They feel stuck and helpless.

As someone else said it sounds like you are encouraging them to grass up on people and they should be discussing this with Dad if it is a real issue. It's your weekend off. Sounds like you are very bitter and want to spoil the weekend.

I would do it. I'd put my child first. Or, I'd have suggested we get an inflatable mattress.

Exactly, what 12 year old either knows or cares about the sheet situation on a bed thats not even in their own house. I can imagine OP stirring it up with them 'what!!! you mean nanny didnt even change the sheets, thats disgusting'

Yeah right.....

Your ex sounds like an arse.

The sheets are fine as long as the bed was made and tidy. Unless there are clear stains etc, then it's not something to be worked up over.

Your kids should be fine too just hanging about in the house - children don't need to be entertained 24hr. I'm sure they have something to occupy them.

And you as a good mum are presumably encouraging them to get the most out of the situation hopefully, to highlight the plus points of their stay.

Or are you managing to ensure that they tell you how unhappy they are when they're with dad and his parents, so that they dont for one minute show you any disloyalty?

He's not there though. He's dumped them on his parents to go into town with his new gf.

Grassing, really? I think it's great that my children feel that they can tell me when they aren't happy. My son called me to ask what he should do, as he hated being in the dirty bed, and now he's on their house with his little sister who's stressed and not her usual happy self as she had a terrible nights sleep.

I'm truly amazed at the comments here.

I'm 99% sure you have influenced them being grossed out by the sheets issue

Why, what are they going to do? Bed is for sleeping. Siblings should be able to sleep on the same bed if necessary, regardless of age. As long as there's enough room on the bed for both to sleep comfortably.

If you’re losing a vote about hygiene on Mumsnet, imagine what the result would be if it was the real world doing the voting?

I've raised them to know to make the best of it. My son was looking forward to seeing his cousins. But that's now hardly happening.
I do expect a bit more effort from grandparents when these are kids they don't see much.
Didn't mean to drip feed, but they do absolutely loads with their other GC. There is clear favouritism.

I think you are raising them to be a little bit precious and whiney! I also think this is more about the girl friend than anything else.

Do you ensure that you have a full schedule of entertainment and activities for when they are with you? Or do you, like most families, have some down time where you are just sitting around, watching TV, reading or gasp, on the internet.

It's basic hygiene, to me. Really surprised it's apparently not!!!

If I were grandparents I would have changed the pillow cases but not the entire bed. A good compromise.

I'm truly amazed at the comments here.

Me, too! I’d find it repulsive to be expected to sleep in someone else’s used bedding. A pp’s story about bits in the bed from someone else’s dirty socks is gross!

If you’re losing a vote about hygiene on Mumsnet, imagine what the result would be if it was the real world doing the voting
🤣

You use phrases like 'dumped on his parents' to describe the fact that your children are having time with their own grandparents. Dumped!!!

Children should be around their grandparents without their parents, it doesnt have to be a fun filled excitement packed event, just being around their elders is enough.

But dont worry, with your interference your children will soon be refusing to visit them and refusing their contact with their dad and Im sure you'll be happier with that situation