To think some people outsource life

[ExistenceOptional]

Some outsourcing of life is fairly normal. Using some childcare, having a weekly cleaner for those who can afford it, dog walkers, etc. But there comes a point where people seem to outsource a lot of life that is not work.

So people who have several nannies so the child is only brought to them for the fun bits of life. Having firms in to decorate your house for Christmas and put up a tree. Having staff to plan, organise and run your child's birthday party with you just showing up to welcome parents and smile as you watch. Having staff to choose and buy your kids Christmas presents.

I used to nanny for families like this and I think you just end up outsourcing life outside of work. Trying to live a personal life like this must be really unfulfilling.

Thank god for these people who can’t be asked to do the shitty tasks of life, they create employment for others. I don’t judge the people throwing money at problems, mainly the employees getting money to do it but judging instead of being grateful for the opportunity.

We employed someone to come daily and deal with the cleaning and cooking when we had 2 under 2 - we would’ve probably gotten a divorce if we didn’t get help.

If I could I would 100% pay someone to do the school run for me / decorate the house and Christmas tree etc.

If I could afford to have some drag the Christmas tree out the oft, assemble all those hideous arms, decorate it and then later dismantle the whole thing and put it away again, I 100% would.

We don't have a huge income but have a cleaner every 2 weeks and pay someone to mow the lawn (in summer) and wash both cars. They're all jobs we really dislike and there is slack in the budget, so why not?

sorry, that is a ridiculous comment. And untrue

I definitely think Tesco delivery's are an outsource that are worth it.

Assuming nannies are doing their job fine and there is no physical or sexual abuse.
My comment was in reply to someone.

I say, good for those people, if they can afford it. Why not? It's giving someone else work.

If they can afford to, good for them. It's not anyone else's business.

God, I'd really irk you then!

I'm a SAHM to 2 kids, although dd1 goes to nursery 3 full days a week.
I outsource cleaning, gardening, ironing, I do my grocery shopping online (outsourcing in a way), we have people come decorate the outside of our house at Christmas, a florist who does me 1 beautiful fresh bouquet a month and happily engage party planners to assist for birthdays!
I would gladly have a baby or housekeeper if we had the space too!

I'd outsource my MN postings

If you unpack the logic of this I don't think this really makes sense. I don't see why outsourcing the boring parts of life should be to the detriment of enjoying life with your children. If anything I think its the other way around.

Outsourcing a children's party (for example) doesn't mean you automatically spend less quality time with your child. If anything it's likely to free up time.

I find at the moment I spend so much time on life admin (on top of working and looking after my child) that even "down time" gets consumed by it. So on Saturdays I might spend a fair bit of time booking holidays, responding to emails from my financial adviser, booking childcare for half terms to come etc etc. All time when I could be going for a walk in the forest with my child or playing a board game or watching a film.

Before I had a cleaner I spent the best part of every Saturday cleaning my house and my child whinged at me to leave the cleaning and go out and do something.

I think outsourcing the boring work probably increases the quality of the life you spend with your children.

Obviously if you outsource absolutely all domestic work its probably not sending a great signal to the children about self-reliance. But I don't accept that wanting to spend less time cleaning or doing life admin is to the detriment of quality of family life.

My friend took her primary aged dd to a party at the birthday girl's house and was the only mum there the others were all nannies. The dad briefly stuck his head round the door and the mum wasn't there. She found it very odd.

Someone else putting up the Christmas tree and decorations sounds wonderful though

It's completely my own problem and most of the time I've never been in a position to afford to outsource things I didn't want to do, (Childcare while working was a necessity rather than an option) but I feel like it creates a sort of hierarchy/power dynamic that I wouldn't like

I pay for people to service my car, or a plumber if we have an issue with the heating, because I don't know how to do that stuff but for some reason I'd feel uncomfortable paying someone to do something I could do myself, but don't want to. I know it's silly though because the person has literally set themselves up as a business to provide whatever service.

@ExistenceOptional why do you think you are the authority on which tasks are acceptable to be outsourced, and which aren't?

Everyone's family life is different

I don't know OP, some jobs I really don't have to do.

The decorating the house for Christmas is an easy hard pass.

I dramatically reduced the amount of decorations this year, even though we never over did it to begin with, (i hate tat) and it will be this going forward.

So much better, children didn't notice and husband said he much preferred it.

I will be gifting stuff to local schools next year.

My buddies sister has a spare room in her house and the tree lives there, fully dressed and is wheeled in and out every Christmas...genius stuff😁

@follyfoot37 says LTB

I once had a nanny and a housekeeper. It was bliss. I had a lot more time and energy for DC

I’ve already decided my life for if when I win the lottery and you’ve actually just given me some more ideas. This is my list:

1. Full time kitchen team so I can have prepared meals 7 days a week. It would be run just like a restaurant so would include not only a chef but serving staff and people to tidy the kitchen and a kitchen manager to order the food. It would be rotating staff to cover the 7 days.
2. I’d have a spa in my mansion, again staffed 7 days a week, with the appropriate amount of people. I’d require 2 masseuses, a hairdresser/colourist, manicurist, barber, yoga instructor/and on occasion an acupuncturist. They’d be paid a generous salary and would be required in on their full time days, even if I didn’t need them. I’m thinking min £50k PA for a masseuse.
3. I’d have a full time house manager who would liaise with local business such as florists to ensure that my mansion was always looking gorgeous
4. Gardener
5. Cleaner
6. Window cleaner
7. Party planner
8. Chauffeur
9. Interior designer

I mean, I’ve only thought about it a bit a lot so I’ve probably missed some things off 😆 😆

Only sounds 'unfulfilling' to you from your perspective. I bet if you had oodles of money you'd make some changes too. So what?

I disagree OP. It depends on the individual. I don't outsource beyond cleaner, and childcare when DD was young and I was working. However, outsourcing things like planning kids parties likely means for some families they get more time actually being together than having one or both parents fobbing kids off whilst they try and do party planning. And then at the actual party you can spend time with the children and meet other parents, rather than juggle trays of sausage rolls and craft activities. Taking the 'work' out of it lets you enjoy the actual thing in its own right.

You are reducing parenting and raising children to a series of tasks, as if parents who don't do those tasks miss out on being parents. You're ignoring the emotional connection, the time spent together, the moments when you are closely connected with your children. I don't think those are made better by knowing I organised her 4th birthday party myself.

I get what you mean, that life happens in the mundane moments, and that is true to an extent, but that doesn't mean that fewer mundane moments together means you aren't raising your own kids, and it doesn't mean that those who outsource more experience no mundane moments at all.

If you were to push your thinking to an extreme, you would also be against all childcare and all people doing any household jobs. The degree to which people can or wish to outsource mundane or necessary tasks is on a scale and some are closer to one end than the other, but both kinds can be brilliant or terrible (or very average) parents.

I don't know any of 'these people'.

I think they are probably so few that we really don't have to consider whether it's a problem or not.

Presumably they’re too busy earning a lot of money to do any of it.,

Or else they’re too busy with the gym/personal trainer/hairdresser/ manicurist/Botox clinic/their social secretary, not forgetting arranging maintenance and crew for the yacht. Or interviewing someone else to do all that.
Plus of course very likely visiting the sort of shops featured in Harry Enfield’s. ‘I Saw You Coming’ sketch. 😂

I think extreme outsourcing of childcare is terrible and so sad for the children. But nannies, event planners and decorators don't do any harm

God I would love this. If I won the lottery first thing I would do would be hire catering staff never having to shop / cook / clear up kitchen again would be bliss.

I outsource as much as I feasibly can. Childcare, cleaning, housekeeping, pool maintenance, car maintenance (apart from a vintage that I’m too precious to let anyone else work on), decoration, nutrition, personal training, shopping… it means I can choose how I spend my spare time.

Surely it depends on what you enjoy and don't enjoy, full disclaimer I am not in the UK but I have a full time maid and a dog walker 5 times a week. It means I can spend plenty of time doing things I enjoy because i'm not having to do the cleaning. It means I can work full time and still have dogs. I love the dogs and walks with them in the evening and at weekends are some of my favourite hours of the day but if I didn't outsource it I couldn't have them because I think its cruel to leave them with no exercise or company all day.
I wouldn't outsource party planning etc. even though I could because I enjoy it.