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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people outsource life

370 replies

ExistenceOptional · 13/02/2023 12:36

Some outsourcing of life is fairly normal. Using some childcare, having a weekly cleaner for those who can afford it, dog walkers, etc. But there comes a point where people seem to outsource a lot of life that is not work.

So people who have several nannies so the child is only brought to them for the fun bits of life. Having firms in to decorate your house for Christmas and put up a tree. Having staff to plan, organise and run your child's birthday party with you just showing up to welcome parents and smile as you watch. Having staff to choose and buy your kids Christmas presents.

I used to nanny for families like this and I think you just end up outsourcing life outside of work. Trying to live a personal life like this must be really unfulfilling.

OP posts:
GUARDIAN1 · 14/02/2023 20:40

It's not the way I'd particularly want to live (although I would absolutely, definitely have someone to help with cleaning and doing the ironing if I could afford it) but why not, if it suits them?

Noicant · 14/02/2023 21:10

I would outsource everything except parenting (I’d only outsource that a bit). I haven’t ironed anything in years or cleaned a bathroom, I’m definitely happier for it. Unfortunately I still have to cook but would absolutely outsource that too.

jetadore · 14/02/2023 21:14

You’re right, but as this lifestyle is the aspiration of most mumsnetters I expect your thesis will get short shrift on here.

Original poster
ExistenceOptional · 14/02/2023 21:19

Thanks for understanding what I was trying to say. What is easier is not always good for us.

OP posts:
hobbcat · 15/02/2023 00:16

Boarding school - the ultimate outsourcing of parenting.

Mamanyt · 15/02/2023 00:49

ExistenceOptional · 13/02/2023 12:41

My point is outsourcing the bits you do not want to do just leads to an unfulfilling personal life. You can't just play with your child for half an hour a day and then read them a story once staff have them tucked up in bed and settled down to listen, and have a meaningful deep relationship. It is curating life experiences in a very false way.

But that is the thing...every one of us is free to choose what we find most fulfilling in our own lives, and should be able to do so without judgement (unless we find abusing the helpless fulfilling, or something of that sort). I NEVER found planning parties for young children to be fulfilling, or even appealing, at all, although I loved the parties, themselves. The planning, for me, was FRAUGHT and anxiety-producing. I'd have loved to have a professional planner for the event.

GarlandsinGreece · 15/02/2023 00:50

We outsource a lot. We have a chef, a cleaner twice a week, a gardener, a dog walker twice a week, a home concierge service (basically books any repairs that need doing) and a sitter. It’s blissful.

Probably the only thing I don’t outsource are my children. I do have a sitter three evenings a week, but she takes one child to activities while I take another elsewhere. Most in my position have a live-in nanny or housekeeper, but I like my privacy too much. Plus my kids do have a list of daily chores.

LifeunderMarrs · 15/02/2023 01:17

GarlandsinGreece · 15/02/2023 00:50

We outsource a lot. We have a chef, a cleaner twice a week, a gardener, a dog walker twice a week, a home concierge service (basically books any repairs that need doing) and a sitter. It’s blissful.

Probably the only thing I don’t outsource are my children. I do have a sitter three evenings a week, but she takes one child to activities while I take another elsewhere. Most in my position have a live-in nanny or housekeeper, but I like my privacy too much. Plus my kids do have a list of daily chores.

Still so grim...

GarlandsinGreece · 15/02/2023 01:50

LifeunderMarrs · 15/02/2023 01:17

Still so grim...

Show quote history

Grim, why? I’m genuinely confused. I have several autoimmune diseases and the energy I do have, I want to go entirely toward my family.

Lifethroughlenses · 15/02/2023 05:42

This is peak mumsnet. @ExistenceOptional I get it. You want to feel that your own parenting is ace and you are doing that by the age old tactic of looking at what others are doing and judging it to be inferior. But the thing is, they are not you. Perhaps the thought of organising a kids party fills them with so much anxiety that they then don’t enjoy the party and the kids see their parents stressed. Perhaps they need or want to work at 4pm instead of taking a kid to an activity and having help means they finish work at 5:30 and can then be fully present until bedtime. Perhaps if they didn’t pay someone to do Christmas decs, they wouldn’t get round to doing them. Love your life and let others live theirs in the way that works for them.

StarsSand · 15/02/2023 05:55

I agree with you OP.

No idea why you are getting so much push back here.

MissTrip82 · 15/02/2023 05:59

Not sure I’d feel my life was fulfilled if I spent it judging the people who pay my bills.

MrsMikeDrop · 15/02/2023 06:21

I guess you're right in that it's all life, but why is cleaning OK and putting up a tree not? I have a cleaner and if I could afford it I'd love a housekeeper type person to come for an hour or so and do chores. Why not outsource the crappy stuff 🤷‍♀️

Busybutbored · 15/02/2023 06:29

Well surely by that thinking then modern appliances are also 'outsourcing'? 🤔 OP do you handwash your clothes and dishes? Cook your food on a fire? Bathe outside with a bucket of rainwater? Sew or knit all your clothes?

WandaWonder · 15/02/2023 06:45

We all have opinions on lots of things but you seem overly invested in this?

They outsource and?

Zanatdy · 15/02/2023 06:46

I don’t know anyone who goes that far. I outsource cleaning and dog walking. But only dog walking on my working days. I walk him myself on the weekend. I’ve never known anyone outsource Christmas present buying, but guess I don’t mix in those circles

kdramaqueen · 15/02/2023 06:52

If I could afford it, I would live in a posh hotel suite. The ultimate outsourcing of all dreary housework plus no house maintenance and repairs.

NancyJoan · 15/02/2023 06:55

I do know what you mean. The family opposite us have two dogs, and a dog walker comes twice a day. SAHM and working out of the home husband, neither of them seem to take the dogs out. Seems a bit pointless.

Ginburee · 15/02/2023 07:25

If I had the money I would have people to help me.
It is never going to happen and I can wish, I want to spend quality time with my children and not want to worry about cleaning, cooking, working etc.
If I could I would.

ReneBumsWombats · 15/02/2023 07:52

ExistenceOptional · 14/02/2023 21:19

Thanks for understanding what I was trying to say. What is easier is not always good for us.

That's not at all what you've been saying. You started with "outsourcing life", switched to absent parents and now you're giving thos vague platitude that doesn't mean anything without context and barely is relevant to the issue of outsourcing boring tasks that don't include neglecting relationships.

Since you accept some outsourcing is "normal", presumably the amount you do, at what level does it suddenly become bad? Why is outsourcing decorating, cleaning, gift wrapping and gardening not good for you? You've still not explained this.

Why is it so good for the soul to do drudgework when you don't have to and can pay a willing service provider a fair fee to do it? Where is the virtue?

gogohmm · 15/02/2023 07:55

I don't agree with nannies raising children (fine as childcare but not where they regularly get them up and put them to bed) don't have children of you don't want to raise them, however very happy to outsource most other tasks , if only

KickHimInTheCrotch · 15/02/2023 07:56

Lord Finchley tried to mend the Electric Light
Himself. It struck him dead: And serve him right!
It is the business of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan.

kdramaqueen · 15/02/2023 08:09

@hobbcat tell that to all the parents of children living on Scottish islands who have no choice but to send their children to boarding school on the mainland

THisbackwithavengeance · 15/02/2023 09:06

kdramaqueen · 15/02/2023 06:52

If I could afford it, I would live in a posh hotel suite. The ultimate outsourcing of all dreary housework plus no house maintenance and repairs.

DH and I would live on a cruise ship. Kids at boarding school could join us in the holidays. Outsourcing life? Absolutely!

MigsandTiggs · 15/02/2023 09:52

Living on any cruise ship yes! even better on a Seven Seas one!! Grin

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