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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people outsource life

370 replies

ExistenceOptional · 13/02/2023 12:36

Some outsourcing of life is fairly normal. Using some childcare, having a weekly cleaner for those who can afford it, dog walkers, etc. But there comes a point where people seem to outsource a lot of life that is not work.

So people who have several nannies so the child is only brought to them for the fun bits of life. Having firms in to decorate your house for Christmas and put up a tree. Having staff to plan, organise and run your child's birthday party with you just showing up to welcome parents and smile as you watch. Having staff to choose and buy your kids Christmas presents.

I used to nanny for families like this and I think you just end up outsourcing life outside of work. Trying to live a personal life like this must be really unfulfilling.

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 15/02/2023 09:54

I'd love that life. Ideally I'd have a full entourage if staff to cater to all my needs and whims.

Sounds great.

MrsRaspberry · 15/02/2023 17:24

I'm not quite sure why you're bothered. It isn't personally affecting you is it? If it weren't for people like the ones you've described in your post you'd have been out of a job. I personally couldn't pay someone to be a substitute parent for my kids but i think if i could afford to i would definitely pay someone to do the tasks I'd rather not do lol

Loudhousefun · 15/02/2023 20:09

I want this life, yabvvvvu

Whatafliberty · 15/02/2023 20:11

I haven't much to say apart from agreeing with you. I think a lot of YABU are missing the point.

ReneBumsWombats · 15/02/2023 20:40

Whatafliberty · 15/02/2023 20:11

I haven't much to say apart from agreeing with you. I think a lot of YABU are missing the point.

Well, you could forgive us when it's such a fast moving target!

Jemandthehologramsunite · 15/02/2023 23:46

gogohmm · 15/02/2023 07:55

I don't agree with nannies raising children (fine as childcare but not where they regularly get them up and put them to bed) don't have children of you don't want to raise them, however very happy to outsource most other tasks , if only

I agree with this. I'd also love someone to pick up DC's crap and make us meals, so I only had to do the nice, fun stuff (and if you took away all the really crappy stuff then it would make the mundane stuff more enjoyable too).
I often wish I was a princess.

Fourwallsclosingin · 15/02/2023 23:47

Mamanyt · 15/02/2023 00:49

But that is the thing...every one of us is free to choose what we find most fulfilling in our own lives, and should be able to do so without judgement (unless we find abusing the helpless fulfilling, or something of that sort). I NEVER found planning parties for young children to be fulfilling, or even appealing, at all, although I loved the parties, themselves. The planning, for me, was FRAUGHT and anxiety-producing. I'd have loved to have a professional planner for the event.

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This is a very good point. I love planning parties, and I'd probably do yours for free (if you'd cook DC some meals, because I HATE that!!)

Mamanyt · 15/02/2023 23:55

Fourwallsclosingin · 15/02/2023 23:47

This is a very good point. I love planning parties, and I'd probably do yours for free (if you'd cook DC some meals, because I HATE that!!)

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Were we on the same continent, you'd have a deal! I love cooking for kids. I even enjoy "hiding" the healthy stuff they tend to turn up their noses at!

MagicCat83 · 16/02/2023 00:05

“Outsource Life. Get ya da to gis a job. Have an arranged marriage. Get your cleaner's husband to source a fucking big television, a washing machine, compact disc player and electrical tin opener. ............

..........I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got a PA to dae everything?”

Fourwallsclosingin · 16/02/2023 00:33

Mamanyt · 15/02/2023 23:55

Were we on the same continent, you'd have a deal! I love cooking for kids. I even enjoy "hiding" the healthy stuff they tend to turn up their noses at!

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No way!? Will you marry me? 😍

Mamanyt · 16/02/2023 00:49

Fourwallsclosingin · 16/02/2023 00:33

No way!? Will you marry me? 😍

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LOL, IF I were not 70 years old, shuffling around on a walker, and with a VERY irascible cat in tow, we'd certainly discuss it! Marrying men got me nowhere but deeply in debt, God knows.

Fourwallsclosingin · 16/02/2023 07:04

Mamanyt · 16/02/2023 00:49

LOL, IF I were not 70 years old, shuffling around on a walker, and with a VERY irascible cat in tow, we'd certainly discuss it! Marrying men got me nowhere but deeply in debt, God knows.

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Well you still sound like a catch to me, you know where I am. Have a lovely day Flowers

Mamanyt · 17/02/2023 00:39

Fourwallsclosingin · 16/02/2023 07:04

Well you still sound like a catch to me, you know where I am. Have a lovely day Flowers

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And you, as well! You have no idea how much this little side-conversation has lifted my spirits!
🌻

GorillaInBikini · 25/08/2023 07:58

ExistenceOptional · 13/02/2023 13:04

@TheFretfulPorpentine I want to be involved in what kind of birthday party my child has. The theme, food, where it happens, who is invited, etc.

Gosh I couldn't give a toss as long as the kids are happy. Would rather spend time with my kid than scrolling for cake ideas or shopping and wrapping. Wish I could outsource all the stuff you mentioned.

HB1974 · 25/08/2023 08:28

Fladdermus · 13/02/2023 13:06

I'd outsource everything if I could afford it. I'd feel quite fulfilled doing fuck all all day. It's what I aspire to do.

Lol.

Me too.

Bookist · 25/08/2023 19:50

ExistenceOptional · 13/02/2023 12:41

My point is outsourcing the bits you do not want to do just leads to an unfulfilling personal life. You can't just play with your child for half an hour a day and then read them a story once staff have them tucked up in bed and settled down to listen, and have a meaningful deep relationship. It is curating life experiences in a very false way.

This is just nonsense. Outsourcing the unfulfilling aspects of day to day life obviously means you can spend your time doing all the things you find very fulfilling. There's nothing intrinsically noble or fulfilling about scrubbing your own loo, after all.

When our DC were little we always used kids' clubs. Didn't mean we didn't still spend most of our holiday together. Just that they also got plenty of variety and activities led by enthusiastic play leaders. We also once took their favourite nursery nurse on holiday with us too when I was convalescing after surgery.

I hate housework but crave a clean, tidy house so we have a cleaner who also does laundry, changes all the beds and buys groceries. I also hate gardening so a gardener keeps it tidy for us. A mobile valeting guy keeps our cars nice. I have regular beauty appointments to keep me groomed.

All this outsourcing means I can enjoy myself doing the things I really love i.e. studying, reading, sewing, painting, seeing friends, exercising, travelling.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 25/08/2023 21:55

There's nothing intrinsically noble or fulfilling about scrubbing your own loo, after all.

While I'm with you on it not being fulfilling, I do think it's noble to scrub your own loo.

Call me mad!

Bookist · 25/08/2023 21:56

You're mad!

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 25/08/2023 21:58

Fair enough!!

BlackJumpsuit · 26/08/2023 13:19

If I had the money I would totally have a cleaner. I hate cleaning, love a clean house. Poor executive function, high standards is a poor combo 😂

In fact I'd like a housekeeper who would just make all the decisions about everything.

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