Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people outsource life

370 replies

ExistenceOptional · 13/02/2023 12:36

Some outsourcing of life is fairly normal. Using some childcare, having a weekly cleaner for those who can afford it, dog walkers, etc. But there comes a point where people seem to outsource a lot of life that is not work.

So people who have several nannies so the child is only brought to them for the fun bits of life. Having firms in to decorate your house for Christmas and put up a tree. Having staff to plan, organise and run your child's birthday party with you just showing up to welcome parents and smile as you watch. Having staff to choose and buy your kids Christmas presents.

I used to nanny for families like this and I think you just end up outsourcing life outside of work. Trying to live a personal life like this must be really unfulfilling.

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 13/02/2023 14:05

I think the Royals are on another level altogether. They don't open their own doors. Charles can't put toothpaste on his own toothbrush

Fairislefandango · 13/02/2023 14:06

Yes, I imagine there are some very wealthy parents who work in crazy high-powered jobs, so spend little quality time at home with their dc doing normal stuff, and feel like they need to compensate for that by throwing money and staff at the problem. But really... who gets to decide which things it's positive and time-freeing to outsource and which things count as 'life being outsourced'?

ItchyBillco · 13/02/2023 14:06

Yeah, I’m not remotely unfulfilled by not cleaning my own house, tending my own garden, doing my own piles of laundry, sitting in school run traffic, traipsing the supermarket, cleaning up kinetic sand from the floor…

GloomyDarkness · 13/02/2023 14:06

ExistenceOptional · 13/02/2023 12:51

@Enviromont I agree. It is the little things that build relationships. The everyday things.

I did wonder if this is what you meant.

It's the little things and time that build bonds - making memories frequently doesn't work because what the kids remember often isn't what adults expect.

I would have loved more help when the kids were young but do wonder if not having that has made bonds stronger as more time was with us.

It's a very different way of doing parenting to what I know - but I think some sections of society have done similar for generations but like many things there are upside and downside.

kingtamponthefurred · 13/02/2023 14:06

I outsource everything I can afford to and would outsource wiping my own bum if I could.

thumbellinatinylittlething · 13/02/2023 14:08

When I was married with two children, I had a gardener, a cleaner and paid for decorating. I worked school hours so only needed childcare when mine were preschool which my mum and mil kindly provided. My exH worked long hours and often away, so it meant that I could spend more time with my children. Plus I hate cleaning.
Coming home from work on a Friday to a spotless house was bliss.
I don't understand people who have nannies outside of their working hours. My friend had one though, a 'mothers help' she called her as she also did housework and cooking. Only before they started school. She's wealthy and didn't have a job.

beAsensible1 · 13/02/2023 14:08

Wish i'd got in someone to do my christmas decs as mine were so higgledy piggledy!

Meh tbh, each to their own if they can and it works then why not?

LoekMa · 13/02/2023 14:09

Tell me youre consumed by jealousy without spelling it out😂

FineThings · 13/02/2023 14:10

I agree OP. It's like the fairy story Peter and the Magic Thread. Peter is always wanting to skip forward through the unpleasant and boring parts of his life to get to the good bits. He is given a magic spool of thread (or something!) which enables him to do just that. When he gets to the end of his life he feels empty inside, having not had the chance to experience the sad, difficult and boring times as well as the good times. He hasn't really lived.

Fleabigg · 13/02/2023 14:10

This is real 1% stuff, not common by any stretch of the imagination.

Original poster
ExistenceOptional · 13/02/2023 14:11

@LoekMa The you are just jealous trope is so tiresome.
And if I was suddenly mega rich I would not hire multiple nannies so that I became a Disney mum. That is not jealousy speaking, but seeing the reality of this type of personal life.

OP posts:
OodieSmoodie · 13/02/2023 14:11

The birthday party sounds fabulous. They are very stressful.

Original poster
ExistenceOptional · 13/02/2023 14:14

@FineThings There is a sci fi film about just that and he ends up being very unfulfilled and knowing he missed out with shallow family relationships.
I think important life happens in the cracks. I know if I have a deep conversation with my kids say about things bothering them, it is never when we are doing the big fun activities. Instead it is when I am cleaning the kitchen, or driving them somewhere, or just something mundane.

OP posts:
rubberduckiee · 13/02/2023 14:17

I used to outsource most things, even as a uni student – that's how I was brought up – but living with DH was a revelation as we both fought and bonded over doing chores etc, growing closer over the process :) Sorting out groceries and other mundane tasks together was frustrating but bonding.

That said now that not being able to outsource is a permanent financial reality for us, I would love to have the option! I still wouldn't outsource everything or even most things though.

Otherwise everything you focus on at the level above daily tasks - eg large corporate projects - is abstract, amorphous and often asocial in a sense. A tiny amount of graft and necessity adds both simplicity and connection (to loved ones around you sharing that life) to your life imo.

THisbackwithavengeance · 13/02/2023 14:17

I understand what you are saying OP but you are comparing a 'normal' life to someone who has a very high income and it's a different ballgame.

I know someone who nannied for an ultra rich family. The wife didn't work but still outsourced absolutely everything. My friend said she did a lot of exercise, shopping and socialising and the DH was mainly away with work.

OriginalUsername2 · 13/02/2023 14:17

I think if you’d posted that this was your own situation you’d be getting the opposite replies. “Alright for some!”, “Yeah, enjoy your riches, humble bragger!” Etc.

As seen on any thread where the OP isn’t struggling.

I agree with your post to an extent. I think the real parenting is all the grunt work, the form filling, the dentist appointments, the phoning school, the emotional toll of making sure they’re okay in all aspects of life, not just fun days out. Anyone can give them a fun day out.

rubberduckiee · 13/02/2023 14:20

@ExistenceOptional what scifi film is that? :)

allfurcoatnoknickers · 13/02/2023 14:23

ItchyBillco · 13/02/2023 14:06

Yeah, I’m not remotely unfulfilled by not cleaning my own house, tending my own garden, doing my own piles of laundry, sitting in school run traffic, traipsing the supermarket, cleaning up kinetic sand from the floor…

Strongly agree with this - nothing fulfilling about domestic drudgery.

Original poster
ExistenceOptional · 13/02/2023 14:23

@rubberduckiee Sorry can't remember the name. It was on Netflix. He kept fast forwarding the boring and mundane parts of life.

OP posts:
CrystalCoco · 13/02/2023 14:23

There's a lot of my life I'd love to outsource if I could - although I'm very picky so I'd probably just be standing over the person making sure they're 'doing it right' so might as well do it myself 😅

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/02/2023 14:23

With parties ,some people enjoy the planning and hosting. I bloody hate it. You spend all your time getting stressed and filling people's glasses. You do'nt get to enjoy them yourself. I would enjoy them a lot more if someone else was running the party and I could just mingle with my guests.

General childcare of little ones I was more than happy to do with mine as I enjoyed it. You build bonds while you're having little sing songs with them during a nappy change etc. or teaching them how to tie their shoelaces. If I could have disappeared at meal times and have someone else cook and feed them I would have done that though cos mine were a nightmare to feed. I do agree that some parents don't seem to know their children that well, and it's probably through not spending enough time with them generally.

Cleaning - I bloody hate it, all of it. Gardening, I hate the boring stuff so I'd pay someone to do that if I could. I'd like the nice stuff like buying plants and planning borders etc.

Cooking, I'm not a huge fan really although I can. DH enjoys it more so he does most of it. But if I could get a chef in 3 nights a week to do lovely meals then I absolutely would.

rubberduckiee · 13/02/2023 14:23

Should have said "everything you focus on at the level above daily tasks - eg large corporate projects, emotional navel-gazing and/or superficial enjoyment".. The latter 2 especially are poisonous in large doses 😅

Original poster
ExistenceOptional · 13/02/2023 14:24

rubberduckiee · 13/02/2023 14:17

I used to outsource most things, even as a uni student – that's how I was brought up – but living with DH was a revelation as we both fought and bonded over doing chores etc, growing closer over the process :) Sorting out groceries and other mundane tasks together was frustrating but bonding.

That said now that not being able to outsource is a permanent financial reality for us, I would love to have the option! I still wouldn't outsource everything or even most things though.

Otherwise everything you focus on at the level above daily tasks - eg large corporate projects - is abstract, amorphous and often asocial in a sense. A tiny amount of graft and necessity adds both simplicity and connection (to loved ones around you sharing that life) to your life imo.

Thank you for explaining this better than I did.

OP posts:
Slowsteps · 13/02/2023 14:24

I would totally outsource most of these things if I could!

But agree that you probably lead a very selfish existence if you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do.

I don’t think it’s very good for the kids either not to have to help with chores and not to understand that adults have to do these things.

WickedStepmomNOT · 13/02/2023 14:24

I'd certainly employ staff if I could - especially a cook. No more dieting, just 3 calorie controlled but tasty meals served by a professional daily and no being tempted going into the kitchen.

I love my cat dearly, but won't miss litter box cleaning. Ditto DSD's room after her EOW stays when she seems to deliberately trash her room, and DH buries his head in his book to remain Mr nice dad.