To think some people outsource life

[ExistenceOptional]

Some outsourcing of life is fairly normal. Using some childcare, having a weekly cleaner for those who can afford it, dog walkers, etc. But there comes a point where people seem to outsource a lot of life that is not work.

So people who have several nannies so the child is only brought to them for the fun bits of life. Having firms in to decorate your house for Christmas and put up a tree. Having staff to plan, organise and run your child's birthday party with you just showing up to welcome parents and smile as you watch. Having staff to choose and buy your kids Christmas presents.

I used to nanny for families like this and I think you just end up outsourcing life outside of work. Trying to live a personal life like this must be really unfulfilling.

I agree OP. Even if I had the money there’s some stuff i’d still do myself - decorating, organising birthdays..

But I dont build a relationship with my child by planning them a birthday party, I build it by spending time with them and their friends at the party.
I don't build a relationship during the time shopping (choosing maybe, but not the actual purchasing) for my chids birthday gift, that's in the time after, watching them open it and spending them with them using it.

sounds like a great life to me... lucky them!

Great, bully for you. Crack on and do that.

Personally, I would love someone else to think about that stuff but currently, I'm the only one who has the information needed, so I have to do it. But I absolutely will outsource as much as possible. Last year, after DD told me what she wanted, I found a company that turned up at my house and did it all. The only thing that would have been better would have been if they turned up with the food too - I had to do the pizza and nuggets in the oven myself!

The kids had an absolute blast, I got to actually take part in the party, watch what was happening, enjoy the interaction between them etc and at the end of it, I wasn't as exhausted and overwhelmed as I'd usually be.

If you're saying that people who don't spend any time with their children are missing out and missing a trick, then sure, I understand that but organising a party isn't spending time with my children. It's organising a party.

Also, I assume your complaints are aimed at all the many many men who operate like this all day every day - outsourcing all child and family related activities to their partners? Not just rich women who can afford to outsource?

Look, everyone's balance here is going to look different.

Some people might consider outsourcing dog walking an abdication of what great about being a dog owner. Some people might think having a kids party in a soft play centre with an M&S cake far inferior to hosting the party at home and doing all food / entertainment / decorations from scratch yourself.

There isn't anything to be gained from judging, just crack on with what works for you.

Same here! Not sure why people think OP is being judgemental or jealous… but each to their own.

My mum (an ordinary retiree) has reached peak procrastination: she pays people to do her hobbies for her.

If I could afford I would too apart from having someone else look after my children

That's what "you" want out of "your" life. Because others chose different options for "their" life doesn't = they are outsourcing their life. They are making choices you would not.

It's diversity.

Your way is no more right than theirs It's just how you want it. That's fine. I have friends who have grown up w nannies and parents out most of the time who have close and loving relationships with their parents and friends who grew up with a SAHM who are no contact with parents. One way doesn't automatically equal closeness and togetherness.

more details, please 😂

Agree with PP - so this is a complaint against all those men who choose not to take part in any of the boring, shitty, repetitive parts of being a father and NOT a judgement call on women who, SHOCK, seek to get help for the work of parenting?

yeah, didn't think so.

If you can afford it, do it. There isn't any moral worth in making your life harder than it needs to be.

I would love to outsource my life. I’d just curl up by the fire like a cat, looking groomed and beautiful and doing nothing.

Exactly this

Same!
Sounds wonderful to me

You sound jealous and judgemental. If you have the money it’s nice to be able to pick and choose what tasks you don’t have to do. It doesn’t massively add to family life if you’re slogging away decorating the house on your own for Christmas when you don’t really enjoy it or spend hours organising a party which you don’t enjoy doing. I’d outsource those things in a jiffy. See also: ironing, cleaning gutters, tidying the garden, switching duvets in summer and winter, planning family holidays…

I live in a generally well off area. There are all sorts of services advertised that I didn't know existed before I moved here
Mobile car valeting, oven cleaning, pushchair valeting, sewing on name labels/cub badges, wrapping presents, family PA, cupboard reorganising, removing dog poo from your back garden, making kids packed lunches etc.

My mum was a cleaner, and my dad had a ft job but did gardening on the side so obviously I knew people outsourced stuff like that but the other things just were outside my consciousness for "normal" people.

Meh a lot of men ‘outsource’ that to their wives and are perfectly happy

i would love to escape the boring daily grind and just chill all day with Netflix and snacks 😭

This is what I mean by outsource life. There is zero issue with some outsourcing. But some people outsource virtually everything.

I agree!
I have a cleaner and gardener but that’s it’s really. I could afford nanny/party planner etc if I wanted but at the end of the day, we have 16 or so waking hours and actually that’s quite a lot of time to
fill. I want to be part of things - not just an observer.

If I could afford it I would pay someone to clean for us, do all the laundry, meal plan and buy the food for it. Do some of the cooking, but not all because we do like cooking, we just don't always have time midweek.
I love Christmas, but I'd pay someone to decorate the house. I would tell them what I wanted though. I'd definitely want them to come and take it all down, that's the worst part.
I'd definitely pay someone to organise parties. I'd plan with my children what party do you want, who do you want to invite, what food and then hand that list over. The planning with my child and then watching them enjoy the party is the fun part, not the booking it and buying food.
I wouldn't outsource my children, I'd outsource other parts of my life so that there were less occasions when I had to say sorry, I need to do this before I can come and do that with you.

I agree with you, OP. I think there's a difference between having a meaningful community with natural help and support (for example, a family or group of friends who share cooking duties or do favours for each other, etc.) and outsourcing everything. I can't imagine why anyone would want to have a nanny who does all the childcare and you only have your kids for what are basically "events". Breaks my heart.

So what?

As long as they're not disengaging from their children or something like that, so what? Why is it more virtuous to do your own shitwork rather than pay a willing contractor a fair fee to do it?

Accusing posters of being jealous seems a common reaction on this site. It shows a lack of emotional depth that this is the only way they can understand or frame any disagreement.

How do you know it is an unfulfilling life? Have you asked one of your employers?
Not everyone wants a life of 2.4 children, labradors, family gatherings at every possible opportunity. People get life fulfillment in a myriad of ways that may be alien to you