To think some people outsource life

[ExistenceOptional]

Some outsourcing of life is fairly normal. Using some childcare, having a weekly cleaner for those who can afford it, dog walkers, etc. But there comes a point where people seem to outsource a lot of life that is not work.

So people who have several nannies so the child is only brought to them for the fun bits of life. Having firms in to decorate your house for Christmas and put up a tree. Having staff to plan, organise and run your child's birthday party with you just showing up to welcome parents and smile as you watch. Having staff to choose and buy your kids Christmas presents.

I used to nanny for families like this and I think you just end up outsourcing life outside of work. Trying to live a personal life like this must be really unfulfilling.

I do this otherwise I'm knackered. I don't earn good money just I can earn woman points on my special domestic club card by working to do all this stuff outside working hours. I'm a single parent and if I can outsource, I do. Means a better life.

The most stressful thing I find about children's parties is other children!🤣 I find wrapping 50 layers of pass the parcel, baking a cake or decorating a room more enjoyable than having to interact with lots of young children en masse. (Under 5 is probably OK but lots of primary age kids is really stressful!)

I know the thread has moved on - but I suspect a lot of 'hard working fathers' have this sort of relationship.

(I deliberately worded it like this because I don't think working mums do this as standard)

I agree- just doing the fun parenting doesn’t create the relationship a child needs and isn’t fulfilling for parents either

I agree. Which is why lots of dads have superficial relationships with their kids.

But your OP wasn't about disengaged dads. There was a mention of people who have several nannies so they never see their kids apart from the fun bits (do you know many people like that?). Then it was about people who outsource Christmas decorations, party planning and gift buying. You titled it "outsourcing life".

I think we all agree that absent parents are a problem, but there are more of those than there are mega rich people with three nannies round the clock. "Outsourcing life", by which you seem to mean gift buying, decorating, gardening or whatever you don't cover as "fairly normal", was the point.

So neglected relationships aside, because that's a separate issue, what is this negative impact and lack of fulfilment you're worried about? It's easy enough to garden or wrap gifts if that fulfils you.

Mind your own business! I dare say their lives are clearly happier than yours because they are not sat being critical on mumsnet like you are! Anyone would outsource the dull parts of life it they could!

Lordy.
Back in the last century, when I had small children I used to go to playgroups with lots of childminders. Their main topic of conversation was how dreadful it was that people would leave their children and just go to work. What was the point in having kids?
They at no stage say the irony in their argument. When I went back to work, they were astounded that I opted for nursery rather than any of them!

Shoot that’s amazing!! I’d love just the joy bit!

Sounds bloody brilliant to me. I am knackered! I guess in the old days of single income families this was just wifey’s job 🤷🏼‍♀️

I agree to some extent. I think they are missing out on a lot of meaningful things with their children.

Perhaps the OP is saying that by outsourcing your children for the everyday parts of life to others, but just being there for the fun bits, means you lose an integral bond. I agree. Similar to sending them to boarding school at a young age. Although I would love a personal assistant.

Don't see your point. Many ways of living life. Paying someone to do stuff for you provides employment.

I wish I could outsource the bloody household admin and filing. I actually quit my job to to deal with the complications and hassle of the United States of the dark ages, and my late DH's will.

Why the hate OP?

That's why people have PAs. They aren't always for work only.

I'm fine with other people doing what they want with their money. I am, however, more than a little jealous of those who can afford to!

I have worked for families like that too
everything’s outsourced but the parent is full of anxiety arranging the outsourcing
and because they have nothing to do they get anxious about things we busy people just let slide …

I outsource loads! I work and I’m time poor. As a project manager, I constantly have to pick the best person for the job, and make sure tasks are completed on time and properly. Having a family is not that different. I can’t do everything. I’m guessing you have no issue with sub contracting dental work, hair cuts and medical care. I really don’t see the difference…. A professional cleaner can clean my house far more effectively and efficiently than I can. An specialist adolescent therapist can help my DDs unravel their teen angst with way more experience and insight than I have to offer - mine was particularly dysfunctional. A laundry can keep our clothes organised and stop everything piling up. Mindful Chef can make me look like I can cook! I need all the support I can get and I don’t make apologies for it - I don’t want to be a domestic slave. I’ve created my own village to raise my family …. And I’ve made the space to spend quality time with them.

It's all relative. What you call 'normal', is abnormal for thousands of people in the world

'Childcare' - Why have children if you're going to hand their care over to someone else.
'Cleaner' - 1st world problem for lazy over privileged twats.
'Dog walker' - You're having a laugh ain't ya? why have a dog if you don't want to walk it, what do you do with it?

It's all relative.

Plenty have problems with them

‘You can’t just play with your child for half and hour and them kiss them good night when someone has tucked them into bed’ ??? Why not?
I was one of 4 children to a SAHM in the 70’s and no one read me a story every night. In fact I read stories to my youngest sibling.
Don’t be so judgemental.

This what I call mum work. It's special tasks for mums, expected by other mums, handed out at otherwise pleasant times.

It's the "didn't you have time bake a cake" or "papier-mâché a balloon in a likeness of yourself for Tuesday".

I have never seen a man make such a statement about another man. This is a special mum work stick that is only ever deployed by women against other women.

It seems like you want to make yourself feel better at the expense of others by judging them for how they choose to live. I feel like everyone should organise themselves how they wish and not worry about what others do. Some things I outsource because I can afford to and I don’t like doing them, others I do because I can’t afford to outsource them and then there I things I do because I enjoy them.

I totally get what you mean. Most people will disagree though as it's seems a win win for all but I've always been of the belief that you raise your own kids, cook your own food and tidy up your own house. Of course some help in these areas or more is ok if you can afford it (I have a cleaner and rely on a babysitter from time to time) and also to remain sane but outsourcing everything so you can go and play tennis all week is beyond me. Judge all you want - this is my opinion.

Yes, I’ve worked for families who do similar. I think the bit that was jarring for me was the passing it all off as their own handiwork! I can understand all the rubbish mundane stuff but I found it a bit sad when people would pay someone to choose, buy and wrap a gift for family/friends. It felt so impersonal. Same with them maybe spending 10-15 mins with the kids watching them eat something that someone else had cooked them, whilst keeping them at arms length so they didn’t get messy and breezing off again. Felt like there was no real depth to the relationship. Couldn’t see where any nurture or connection was coming from. I think it’s the bits that seem to replace the humanness of relationships that I found quite sad and empty