Who is BU, me or DH and friend?

[luckystarg]

We are abroad in a first world country but that does have unsafe implications for women, alike any country really.

We are away with another couple. The friend, Kate, became sick out of the blue and said to her boyfriend John. John didn’t want to stop watching the football so basically demanded I go with Kate (Kate and I are friends). I follow along and she says she wants to go to the hotel. She tells me she doesn’t want me with her as she will just sit on the toilet. She gets in cab at main entrance and I go back to find the boys. Both are gone.

I am highly anxious and lose my temper. I eventually get hold of John and shout about where they (DH and John) are. He says they’re beginning the walk back so they are no longer near where I am. He hangs up because I am angry.

I get in a taxi, go back to hotel. DH walks in as if I’m in the wrong. John says I’m being a prick. Kate is still throwing up.

it all seems like a massive miscommunication but I am besides myself. I specifically said to DH that I don’t want to ever be alone as I don’t feel safe. From my perspective, John prioritised the football game over his own girlfriend, then expected everything to be fine. Obviously I overreacted (major trigger for me) about being alone with men harassing me (they had when I was with the men and so I felt unsafe when they were gone).

I am so angry at the situation because no one text saying “we are leaving the bar and will find you at the hotel” instead I was clueless calling everyone to no avail. Eventually I did get a taxi, luckily found a card that would work (DH had the cards for our travel) and got back safe. However I’ve had a text from John saying I’m in the wrong and just drunk. I’m aware he’s messaged DH saying I’m a prick.

In my opinion, John couldn’t be bothered by his own girlfriend being sick and cared more about the game forcing me to run after her, rather than checking I was safe.

There is now a huge fall out and a week left of the holiday. DH is also not talking to me.

The assumptions on here are brilliant! A strip club, because they were annoyed that OP lost her temper. Ok 👍

Kate should dump John as he sounds like a dick.

If a country is unsafe for women when drunk then it's quite simple, don't drink and stay safe.

You over-reacted. They moved on as they thought you'd gone back with Kate, so they went somewhere else. You just needed to get a taxi home or could have insisted on going back with Kate then gone to your room to sober up.

The football game only had 2 minutes to go when Kate became unwell so why would they stick around if they thought the OP had gone with Kate?

As it was John called the OP back 5 minutes later and told her where they'd gone, and if it was a strip club the OP - who went to meet them there - hasn't mentioned it. So I'm not sure where that speculation came from.

I'm certainly not the first to suggest it, and it's based on how fast they fled the minute OP turned and ran after Kate, and how over the top angry John and her husband were. Like they were stopped from something. If it looks suspicious, ie getting out of their the second her back is turned, and their OTT anger at her, damn right it is suspicious.

If the game only had to minutes to go, why didn't they say to Kate wait 2 minutes and we'll all leave together?

OP didn't meet them. She went back to their hotel. That's when she next saw them, via her posts.

It seems quite strange John wouldn't have said hang on 120 seconds or I'll call a taxi and it will be here by the time the game ends. Instead he let her go then left almost immediately after. It's clear regardless of whether it was a strip club or another bar (John said they were at another 'bar') that they had no intention of going home straight away, and OP interrupted something.

Kate seems to have rushed off pretty quickly. I also wonder why she couldn't have waited but presumably she just felt very sick.

Eventually, about 5-10 mins later, John calls, I asked where they are and they say they’re in X Bar (we’d been there earlier)

Not a strip club. We don't need to invent things.

The left, headed back to their hotel, nipping in another bar on the way, like OP said. Did you read the posts?

That doesn't disprove they were going to a strip bar. I read her posts. I also, like at least one other, come to the conclusion on how fast they left and their OTT reaction at OP that they were interrupted from something.

Of course I could be wrong but having experience of men, how fast they can move when they think they've shaken the women and what they're like, I think that by their reaction whatever it is they were doing, OP interrupted them.

Ok sure, must be right then if you and at least 1 other person out of 7 pages of posts came to that conclusion. Well done OP on discovering that your DH was at a strip club and quickly nipping that in the bud.

If I was in a place I felt vulnerable I wouldn't be getting drunk.

And I wouldn't feel any safer with your pissed up DH and his drunken friend. Frankly, if it's unsafe then you should take precautions when in places where it's dangerous for drunken girls to be. Such as, ooh, I don't know? Maybe don't drink? You are responsible for your own safety.

John calling me a prick to my husband would be the last interaction I ever had with him.

Kate rushing off and then brushing off your help was irresponsible, but the way these two men reacted to her and to you is awful.

If this stupidity and rudeness from John caused my husband to stop speaking to me on holiday, I would be on the next flight home.

Where are you? Why won't you say where you are? How odd!

I think nothing really happened. The guys thought you were on your way back to the hotel, they didn't know you'd changed plans. They headed back to the hotel. They did nothing wrong. If it was me, I would have accompanied friend to the hotel, to ensure she got back safely. Perhaps you need to find out why you get so stressed and angry, when youre alone in public. Is it linked to a bad experience? Counselling would help.

You sound like very hard work.....

She didn't change plans, there were no plans. They immediately left to go to another bar. Leaving her alone.

@Anklespraying they clearly thought she had left with her friend. Why would anyone leave their partner in a foreign county in a bar by themselves after just drinking with them and there being no arguments or anything. It's all a non issue that has been made into a big issue.

You are the prick.
You went back with your friend as he wanted to watch the match. and then left her to come back. (That's the same as what the boyfriend did. )

They had walked back. You didn't tell them you were returning. How would they know ?

I agree with this.

It wasn't a plan though was it? John made an assumption that he made no effort to check, nor did her husband and they were both completely wrong.
So it was a poor assumption and the result was she was left alone by their carelessness.

They did leave her alone and you blame the vulnerable woman that was very distressed at finding herself alone.

they couldn't care less and are following up their carelessness with insults and isolation.

What a pair of shits.

@Anklespraying why did she guzzle her drink and chase after Kate if she wasn't leaving with her.......so the men had the same thought process. You dont quickly finish your drink to reappear 5 mins later.

Is it Vegas and they were watching the Super Bowl? Hence the numbers random hotels?

Vegas isn't that dangerous for women at night - I'd say grow a pair.

I can't think of anywhere in the first world I'd be afraid to be at night.

All drunk. Go home. Sleep it off. All will be fine tomorrow

The middle east isn't the third world.

YABU. How unreasonable depends on where you are. If in the US at the Super Bowl yesterday then you are being VVVVU and not entirely honest in your OP. If you’re in UAE or something then just regular unreasonable.