Who is BU, me or DH and friend?

[luckystarg]

We are abroad in a first world country but that does have unsafe implications for women, alike any country really.

We are away with another couple. The friend, Kate, became sick out of the blue and said to her boyfriend John. John didn’t want to stop watching the football so basically demanded I go with Kate (Kate and I are friends). I follow along and she says she wants to go to the hotel. She tells me she doesn’t want me with her as she will just sit on the toilet. She gets in cab at main entrance and I go back to find the boys. Both are gone.

I am highly anxious and lose my temper. I eventually get hold of John and shout about where they (DH and John) are. He says they’re beginning the walk back so they are no longer near where I am. He hangs up because I am angry.

I get in a taxi, go back to hotel. DH walks in as if I’m in the wrong. John says I’m being a prick. Kate is still throwing up.

it all seems like a massive miscommunication but I am besides myself. I specifically said to DH that I don’t want to ever be alone as I don’t feel safe. From my perspective, John prioritised the football game over his own girlfriend, then expected everything to be fine. Obviously I overreacted (major trigger for me) about being alone with men harassing me (they had when I was with the men and so I felt unsafe when they were gone).

I am so angry at the situation because no one text saying “we are leaving the bar and will find you at the hotel” instead I was clueless calling everyone to no avail. Eventually I did get a taxi, luckily found a card that would work (DH had the cards for our travel) and got back safe. However I’ve had a text from John saying I’m in the wrong and just drunk. I’m aware he’s messaged DH saying I’m a prick.

In my opinion, John couldn’t be bothered by his own girlfriend being sick and cared more about the game forcing me to run after her, rather than checking I was safe.

There is now a huge fall out and a week left of the holiday. DH is also not talking to me.

I imagine Kate was doing damage control if OP has that much of a temper. I would probably do the whole "don't worry I'm OK to go alone" to be polite.

And? She phoned John, the anger was directed at them both. I'm not surprised he called her a prick, I'd think the same if some twat phoned me up shouting and blaming me for not staying in one place despite not telling me to stay in said place. The misunderstanding was her being left alone. That wasn't their fault, it wasn't Kates fault either. It was just a shit situation that happened. Get some self control, I can't remember the last time I had a shouting match with someone.

Also you are totally right , I'm sure DH walked in and OP was nice as pie to him, and he came in ready for a fight whilst she sat there with puppy dog eyes 🙄

Perfectly said.

The men thought Kate and op had gone back to the hotel together. They left the bar to make their way back to the hotel too.

That makes absolutely no sense. Why would they leave 5 minutes after? If they were leaving the bar anyway, why wouldn't they just go back with Kate?

@IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 is that you OP?

The only person in the whole story who lost their temper was OP...absolutely no one else lost their temper. Can you pick out the bit where anyone else lost their temper and re-post it on here?

Did you not read where she said she got an abusive text from John who called her a prick and a drunk?

Did you not read where the OP's husband was angry with her when he walked in the door?

Is that you John/Kate?

Jesus are we actually talking about grown adults here?

I'd be more annoyed at the friend refusing for you to go with her. She left you on your own, not the boys. If I was put in this position I'd have gone with her whether she wanted me to or not, so she also wasn't left alone in a country you're so worried about. YABU

John is a dick for not looking after Kate but that is not the point of OP's post

OP is the one who deviated from the plan and expected people to just be as they were. How were the men supposed to know that OP had 'gone rogue?'

OP you have misplaced your anger. Be annoyed with John for not looking after Kate (although probably nothing to do with you). Don't be annoyed with 2 men making their way home when they both thought their partners were safe in a taxi.

Apologise and move on.

Why is it OK for your friend to be alone but not you? John is a dick to his girlfriend but you left so why would they update you when leaving ?

Yes, that's my view too. The friend mucked the OP around, she should have said "no John, I really want to be on my own 'op', please stay, I just want to be on my own." Instead, she waited until OP was separated from the men to tell her.

Did you not read where she said she got an abusive text from John who called her a prick and a drunk? This is what OP said:
However I’ve had a text from John saying I’m in the wrong and just drunk.

Did you not read where the OP's husband was angry with her when he walked in the door? This is what OP said:
DH is also not talking to me.

@IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 you're batshit 🤣

Definitely! Anger all over the show 🤣

Yet the only one who seems really angry is you. You're gaslighting is so hilarious, you must be John, it would certain explain how angry and highly strung you are. 🤣🤣

John is definitely the biggest prick for not looking after his own girlfriend. Sounds like he's deflecting by trying to blame you for the whole thing. Either he's a cock usually or he's feeling guilty and just wants someone else to take responsibility for the whole debacle.

You didn't need to have a shit fit when they were no longer where you thought they'd be though. That bit is a huge overreaction on your part but since none of this would've happened if John hadn't been a prick, I'm mostly on the side of him being to blame for it.

It seems Ortegaa only joined 2 days ago and has 26 posts to their name. Things that make you go hmmm....

What part of that is anyone losing their temper. John didn't call her a prick, he told her DH he thinks she's a prick. She has been a prick. Gaslighting, grow up you crank.

It seems you've never heard of a name change. Imagine going and searching someone's name on MN because you don't agree with their opinion 🤣

If you never want to be on your own, you need to take responsibility for that. You should have gone in the taxi with Kate to the hotel, then gone to your own room. You can also ask hotel staff to walk you to your door if you are nervous in the hotel.

John says I’m being a prick.

John told her, she was being a prick. Her. Crank. What other name are you going to call me because you are so angry I dared to disagree with you? You're a very angry ant.

Considering you went for my jugular right off the bat and attacked me for no reason, yes, I was suspicious of you. If some poster seems aggressive with me and unhinged, I do wonder why, especially as I did nothing to deserve your anger other than disagree with you. There are many trolls on this site, and usually the highly aggressive ones like yourself are either newbies or change nics regularly which shouldn't be allowed imo.

@IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 in fairness it says this...

I’m aware he’s messaged DH saying I’m a prick

OP is the only one who lost their temper that's clear from the post. And OP has admitted she did.

@IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 🤣