Who is BU, me or DH and friend?

[luckystarg]

We are abroad in a first world country but that does have unsafe implications for women, alike any country really.

We are away with another couple. The friend, Kate, became sick out of the blue and said to her boyfriend John. John didn’t want to stop watching the football so basically demanded I go with Kate (Kate and I are friends). I follow along and she says she wants to go to the hotel. She tells me she doesn’t want me with her as she will just sit on the toilet. She gets in cab at main entrance and I go back to find the boys. Both are gone.

I am highly anxious and lose my temper. I eventually get hold of John and shout about where they (DH and John) are. He says they’re beginning the walk back so they are no longer near where I am. He hangs up because I am angry.

I get in a taxi, go back to hotel. DH walks in as if I’m in the wrong. John says I’m being a prick. Kate is still throwing up.

it all seems like a massive miscommunication but I am besides myself. I specifically said to DH that I don’t want to ever be alone as I don’t feel safe. From my perspective, John prioritised the football game over his own girlfriend, then expected everything to be fine. Obviously I overreacted (major trigger for me) about being alone with men harassing me (they had when I was with the men and so I felt unsafe when they were gone).

I am so angry at the situation because no one text saying “we are leaving the bar and will find you at the hotel” instead I was clueless calling everyone to no avail. Eventually I did get a taxi, luckily found a card that would work (DH had the cards for our travel) and got back safe. However I’ve had a text from John saying I’m in the wrong and just drunk. I’m aware he’s messaged DH saying I’m a prick.

In my opinion, John couldn’t be bothered by his own girlfriend being sick and cared more about the game forcing me to run after her, rather than checking I was safe.

There is now a huge fall out and a week left of the holiday. DH is also not talking to me.

Is this one of those posts where OP comes on with a 'story' guaranteed to get everyone arguing amongst themselves, then buggers off?

She gets in cab at main entrance and I go back to find the boys. Both are gone.

How long were you out there with her before returning to find them gone? 5 minutes? Half an hour? Presumably you didn't call or text them to let them know you were coming back?

I mean, you haven't even returned to your own thread here.

John is a prick for dumping his poorly girlfriend onto op.
Kate is a prick for leaving op on her own
op is a prick for getting angry at the boys for moving, then for doing as she was told rather than acting like a grown up and for not telling John to take care of his sick girlfriend.
You sound like those awful drunk louts on a package holiday that everyone else is desperately trying to avoid.
Grow up op, you are all pretty dreadful.

Yep your in the wrong.

John was an arse for not accompanying gf but you agreed to do it at the time. Then u didn't follow through with plan and go with Kate so you created the whole drama

Op if im being honest you would do my head in! Your dh is also on holiday and is not there to babysit you! You sound like hard work!

She gets in cab at main entrance and I go back to find the boys. Both are gone.
Did you not pass them while waiting for the cab or going back to the bar@luckystarg ? How did they leave in that short space of time?

Never wanting to be alone is incredibly unreasonable, apart from the rest of it. Please don't give women a bad name by making us look like feeble wilting flowers!

You're hard work OP

Were you drinking?
As you sound drunk and dramatic.

Why are you annoyed at John and not your DH?
When your DH let you go alone and had your cards for travel.

Why have you gone to a country which gives you this level of anxiety?

I think there’s a misunderstanding. I didn’t choose to go with Kate. Kate was unwell, went to John to say she’s going back. I was at the table finishing my drink. John told me to run after her, so I did and she got in a taxi. Then I turned around to find them, only to find out they walked off.

John didn’t want to leave with Kate as he had a big bet on and wanted to see if he won or lost.

I text them all along as I said how Kate needs John to help, she had food poisoning.

they didn’t respond or tell me what they were doing.

The time difference was about 5 minutes between her walking off, me being told by John to go follow her, me doing that, then coming back. They packed off and left to go to another venue to enjoy themselves.

You all got shitfaced and had a stupid argument. Maybe don’t for the rest of the holiday.

I think the misunderstanding is that this latest version is not the same version as "John demanding" you go with her. Either way OP, neither scenario explains you ranting because they had left. Your first version stated they were heading back to the hotel, this latest version says they were going to another venue to enjoy themselves. Probs just time to call it a day and apologise for being a dick.

They weren’t there when got back but why the screaming and shouting at John?

I never went to the hotel. I got her in a cab and she told me to stay. I was at the main entrance and exit the entire time, except for when I walked back to the bar (it was inside a random hotel) which is when we must have passed each other.

I had never said I was going back to our hotel. I never said I was getting a taxi. I still had my drink in hand when told to go follow her when John should have. DH was very drunk and preoccupied on his phone but in general, would just follow along with John.

The phone convo with John where I admit I overreacted was when they said they were in another bar on the walk back to the hotel and I said “are you fucking joking, you just decided to leave me on my own?” And then he hung up.

they were walking back via other bars. It’s very obvious where I am and why that makes sense if I was to say. Of course I ranted at being left. We all only have WiFi as it’s too expensive to roam here.

Who made John lord and master? Your only mistake was not telling him to go after his own girlfriend.

I get you OP. John and your DH behaved selfishly and thoughtlessly.

I hope everyone sobers up and apologises this morning, and that Kate is feeling better.

The more you post, the more it makes sense. Your original post told a completely different story to this mornings story. People's answers to the new version would be different, but probably still along the lines of John and your DH thinking you'd actually left with Kate so didn't think they were leaving you alone. Still no reason to lose your temper, but you do you.

When John told you to go with his gf I don't understand why you didn't just say no you'll need to take her? Or why not just go back with her and go back to your own room? If gg was bothered about john coming back with her she should have asked him to. John doesn't sound like a very attentive partner but that's between them. Also not sure why you called john to shout at him. If he's not bothered about where his own partner is he's not likely to be concerned about where you are. If you feel that they left you that is something i would be upset at my partner about. Sorry but while i think John is a bit shit i also think yabu.

Firstly, the reason a lot doesn’t make sense is because I posted quickly in anger needing somewhere to vent. Time difference means none of my friends were awake.

To explain the story better without revealing where I am, I’ll say this:
We are in a place where it can be perfectly safe for tourists but would be dangerous for drunk girls at night. Comments had already been made to me by the men in the bar where we were, maybe why I was anxious.

Kate had been sick in the toilet so I came to the bar to say to everyone that we needed to leave. I picked up my drink to finish it. Kate muttered something to John which I think was along the lines of just wanting to go, so began walking to the main entrance/exit of the hotel (there’s multiple bars in the hotel). John said “Lucky, go with her” as she was walking fast towards the main exit, I didn’t have time to think but went with her and asked the doorman to order a taxi, which he did. Taxi took 3 minutes and Kate got in and told me to go back with them as she wants to be alone / just wants John.

I walk back to the bar to see the table empty/ cleared away. I text the group again asking where they are.

Eventually, about 5-10 mins later, John calls, I asked where they are and they say they’re in X Bar (we’d been there earlier) and I swear saying what the fuck are you blah blah because they’ve gone via a bar home, he hangs up (call log 30 seconds) so at this point I get in a taxi and hope I can find a way to pay for it, which I do.

In the cab, I text both saying how I cannot believe they did this. Dramatic maybe, but I am furious that I wasn’t thought of as a twenty something woman who has been harassed already and that their behaviour was shocking.

John said he’s not having any of it, tells me I’m drunk.
We were all drunk.

I get back to the room and DH comes in not long after saying he walked back to the original place to find me but then came home. If he had come in saying “omg that was a shit show are you ok” I’d be fine but he came in swearing at me.

I wasn’t really that mad at DH because he was staring at his phone during this and was VERY drunk, most drunk out of all of us, and went along with things.

John made me go with Kate because there were 2 mins left of the game and it was close, he had wagered a lot of money on one team and so wanted to see if it paid off. The game was finished by the time Kate’s taxi came. They didn’t seem to leave by the main entrance / exit because I asked staff who said they hadn’t seen. Then the call from John came. Then I got in a cab.

I know many women would be fine in this situation, but I was drunk and felt vulnerable. It wasn’t the first time John and DH wandered off that day (last time was when we went to the loo and they went off to a bar instead of waiting) but I made it clear not to leave me and spoke to DH about this before we went away as I was always worried about being left.

OP,
Dial it back with the drink when you feel so vulnerable.

You are in your 20's and have married this non prize🙄.

I'd be rethinking that decision.

Your husband was wasted, I don't know how you can expect anything useful from him in that condition.

Do not get that drunk again, you are really putting yourself at risk.

John sounds awful, but your husband doesn't sound great either.

Mind yourself and get through the holiday safely.

If you feel unsafe and vulnerable, why are you drinking / getting drunk?

They were U but they you were all very drunk. You can't expect rational considerate behaviour from people who are wasted. How many stories of drunken nights out end up with people getting detached from each other and ending up in a strange bar/part of town/telephone box...

Everyone should just apologise and move on, drunken nights don't end well sometimes. Apologise and enjoy your holiday. They obv thought you were leaving with Kate. Is it worth ruining your holiday for?