To be sick of giving this woman a lift home?

[MinceandMash]

I’ve got into a habit of giving a woman in my hobby group a lift home. To begin with it was done as a favour but now I feel like it’s become expected and she’s started to wait around for me at the end of a session. One time when I wasn’t able to attend she messaged me on FB asking where I was! I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. For context she lives about five minutes away from me but in the opposite direction meaning I have to drive to her house and then back on myself to get home. She doesn’t drive or own a car so car sharing isn’t an option. How the hell do I get out of this without coming across as a bitch?

DISCLAIMER: I know not all non drivers are like this:
This reminds me of a family that live near me who did a very smug interview about not owning a car (where we live is a city, everythings spread out so were walking to town for work etc is impossible). Gloated about how they were saving the environment, and had saved heaps of money blah blah. Then stated that when they did need a lift people were generally nice but some people 'wouldn't go out of their way at all.' All us parents were lumbered ferrying their DC around, (who were nice kids) but when I read the interview (where people were commenting how wonderful they were) I was a little bit annoyed - how nice you, as a couple, have saved sooo much money not having a car, while me, a struggling single mum drives your daughter in a car I pay petrol, rego, warrant etc on!

Of course she follows you to your car

YOU HAVEN'T TOLD HER YOU'RE NOT GIVING HER A LIFT

🙄

She's got into a comfortable familiarity with getting the lift home, and that has bred an expectation that she will get a lift home - to the point where if you're not there she's messaging incredulously, where are you??, because she thinks you ought to be there to give her that expected lift.

You really will have to actually say something.

You don't want to do it anymore, you can't do it anymore, it really doesn't matter how you phrase it, once you are set in your intention to stop doing this favour.

Yes please do this.

I knew an annoying piss taker like this. She asked me once if I’d give her a lift home as it was raining. I agreed (Sam’s scenario, she lived in opposite direction to my house). After that it became expected every day (school run). I put up with it for too long before I eventually said I couldn’t do it one night as I was going shopping straight from school. The next day she stood next to my car waiting for me so I told her I couldn’t do it as I was visiting my mum. This went on for a week before she finally got the hint 🙄

She hasn’t told her she IS giving her a lift, either?!?

P.S. 🙄

I think the first error was giving her your phone no! Tell her this is the last week you can drop her off as from next week you now have to collect your (daughter, son husband etc) from somewhere at a certain time which means you have to leave the hobby class exactly on time and go in the other direction.

Repeatedly adding the addendum about ‘excluding health issues that would mean driving wasn’t possible’ probably after it had been pointed out that your comment as quoted above, which did not contain any consideration towards those of us with seizure disorders etc. but was as it stood inane, short-sighted and downright cruel.

Having a driving license is not the definition of a responsible adult and to ‘get of your arse’ and attain a license does not a a responsible adult with common sense and critical thinking skills make. Obviously it isn’t and an excellent example is that if the license and these attributes were mutually inclusive you would have thought a little harder about your post, as quoted, and included exclusions.

Judging by the pronoun ‘we’ in the quoted first sentence, you are a driver, so is my husband. He drives professionally, he consistently complains about the standard of driving on the road, especially at weekends when more ‘non-professional’ drivers are out on the roads. Weekend drivers. He also frequently jokes about how often someone has tried to ‘kill him’.
This is the complex motor skill that you hold up as the gold standard for Secondary School Graduation?!
MIT and Cornell have a swim test as a requirement of graduation. At MIT every student swims 100 yards continuously of the Zesiger centre pool or signs up for the introductory swimming lessons. At least then you graduate with a life skill that can not only save yourself but possibly another person, keep yourself fit and healthy. Driving? environmental disaster on four wheels. At least I can happily say when I do use a car, I car share.
I hope you have to keep posting your ‘explanation’ to get out of a very dumb post, it might teach YOU some critical thinking skills and how to apply them.
Roar a little more quietly in future please.

That is a very long screed to say that you don't care that I was excluding health conditions, and a lot of words to excuse your inability to read. As well as your inability to use common sense and critical thinking and you were caught out. Driving is imo a vital life skill and may save your life one day. It is not an 'environmental disaster' any more than an ambulance on 4 wheels is an environmental disaster. It is a mode of transport and an essential life skill. But do go on with your hyperbole to hide your embarrassment at not being able to read, use common sense or possess critical thinking. All you've done is embarrass yourself.

I can read perfectly well. Where on earth do you get the impression that I don’t care that your original quote didn’t include exclusions for anyone who is medically unable to drive? Was it when I called it inane, short-sighted and cruel? Yes, probably, I think I adequately expressed my contempt for your original post and it seems going back a page that others agree.
But wait, now you seem to be confusing illiteracy with the simple fact that I have better things to do than crawl through a sixteen page thread searching for all the times that you have recanted the error of your original post.
Driving is an essential life skill and it is not damaging to the environment, oh please. You are either seriously misinformed or being disingenuous.
What on earth do you think people did before 1886? People have been riding horses and bicycles for longer. The stats or vehicle emissions, recycling, the percentage of microplastics from cars that return to the environment, noise pollution etc. etc are all freely available if you care to look.
You appear not to like long posts and respond in an unreasonable way to a reasonable argument. Clearly I can read, and I took exception to your original post, because I read it. It seems you made a mistake of some proportion and are now trying to post your way out of it.
Im not insulted by anything you have written…or embarrassed by anything I posted. Post again when you have learned how to construct a reasoned argument for your case.
Bye.

"Driving is an essential life skill and it is not damaging to the environment"?, oh please. You are either seriously misinformed or being disingenuous.
What on earth do you think people did before 1886?

This is exactly the same argument as saying reading is not an essential life skill because before 3500BC, writing hadn't been invented...

Do these poor peoples countries charge them £2.10 per litre of fuel as it was a few weeks ago

Here you go, @Kennykenkencat - a bit off topic I know, but thought you mightg be interested ...

www.finder.com/uk/international-petrol-prices-map

Is there a point to your (incorrect) post?

You've misunderstood OP and my post, and where locations are.

The woman does not live in the opposite direction from venue to OP. Woman lives 5 mins past OP from the venue - ie OP has to go from venue, past where she lives (5 mins) to woman's house and then back to her house (in direction of venue)

Woman lives 5 mins from OP but they both live in the same direction away from venue (that's how I've understood it)

Bus to/from venue irrelevant

There may be a bus from near OP house to woman's house, if not, she could get a cab from OP's address which would be cheaper than from venue.

The 'logically' comment is not logical at all - we know there is a bus that goes from woman's house to venue as OP says she assumes that's how woman gets to venue.
What we can deduce, logically, is that journey = venue - past OP's home (or thereabouts) - woman's house. Therefore, any bus stop from venue to OP's house (or thereabouts) is nearer to woman's house and, with my logic, that could be helpful

Your helpfully bolded reply is based on this incorrect premise:

"If the OP went straight home, she (the OP) would actually be taking the woman further away from where she (the woman) lives."

I've read it that they both live in the same direction away from the venue but the woman lives 5 mins further away so OP has to drive 5 mins further and then 5 mins back on herself to get home. I may be wrong but if it is the way you've assumed, why would OP have offered a lift originally if she lives in opposite direction.

Exactly. That poster is incredibly disingenuous and desperately flailing about at this point. I feel sorry for them.

You shouldn't have needed to scroll back. If you possessed logic, common sense and critical thinking it should be obvious. I myself often write long posts. One thing I've often been criticised for in real life is being verbose. However when looking at your posts, all I see is a desperation, disingenuousness, pettiness, strawmen arguments and long posts that are disjointed with no paragraphs. Calling driving an 'environmental disaster' and mentioning microplastics, when you are probably typing your disjointed long paragraph-less screed on a phone with microplastics shows how pitiful you are.

I feel sorry for you. I genuinely do. You cannot make a coherent argument so you resort to ad hominem attacks and an appeal to hyperbole (microplastics). Your arguments wouldn't pass year 6 level primary school debate. Your posts are pitiful and you must know that on some level. Come back when you can construct a reasoned argument that doesn't appeal to hyperbole, strawmen and ad hominem in lieu of actual reasoned arguments. All you are doing is making a fool of yourself. You are way out of your depth here, and debating year 4 primary school students would prove more fruitful than the pitiful offerings you have.

Now go put your little microplastic on charge while you use your fossil-fueled energy and probably use makeup that has more toxicity than a single top up of petrol. And exit, stage left. You, are done here.

I do find it amusing dealing with ludites who use things made out of plastics, microplastics and polycarbons while using fossil fuel to plug in and/or charge these devices. Even more amusing is watching them make fools of themselves.

Lets hope the ludites never have occasion to avail themselves of a microplasticed, fossil-fueled, polycarboned ambulance. Perhaps a horse and cart or a Flinstones mobile should be kept on hand for them. As long as it has WiFi, of course....

Jeez it’s like the Mumsnet version of ‘the mad scene’. Wake me up when she tells everyone about how much blood the old man had in him…

@MadMadaMim Thank you for explaining your POV (and also for the bold and italic. Formatting is underrated, I feel!)

The OP says: "For context she lives about five minutes away from me but in the opposite direction meaning I have to drive to her house and then back on myself to get home."

If the woman was in the same direction from the venue, then wouldn't it have said "five minutes further on/away" but whatever, I do see what you mean, too.

Either way, perhaps the OP originally offered a lift because regardless of the actual directions involved, the woman is only 5 minutes drive away from the OP and it probably wasn't an issue - until it was.

One day you may need to be given lifts
just think on that

Yes, by a taxi.

This is not the mic drop moment you clearly think it is.

If the OP is one day in the position of needing lifts, I’m sure she won’t expect them from other people, take them for granted, and not regularly thank the person going out of their way for her.

Do you really not see what the issue is here?

And in that day, unlike the cf, OP would show gratitude. You seem to have missed the entire point Petal.

I have been keeping abreast of the posts with more than a degree of disbelief at the exponentially (you're not the only one who knows big words!😏) developing use of sheer arrogance, superciliousness and 'up your own backsidedness'!! You my dear, can go to the front of the class and give the pencils out because you win HANDS DOWN for the most unpleasant, know it all and frankly, just plain irrational, short sighted, narrow minded rhetoric and nonsense!! 🙄😏