I knew when I started working again, I’d end up doing it all

[Undernorthernskies]

Worked full time since university until I had my Dd, later in life (infertility, not by choice)
I was then a Sahm mum until Dd started Pre school part time (I did all good shopping, meaning, cooking, bills, organisation etc) Dh went to work Mon-Fri 8.30-5
I’ve now started working part time, 3 days when Dd is at Pre school and one day at weekends
I feel like I’m running around doing everything.
An example of this weekend

Saturday

Dd ill, so Dh sat cuddled up on the sofa watching tv
I went to do the food shop (three different shops due to needing different things)
I went to get materials for a dressing up competition for Dd at school, came back and spent 3 hours painting parts of her costume (Dh drew them out)
I then tidied up the mess they’d made from the morning and not washed up
I made a curry, Dh thanked me but left washing up in sink
This morning I got up with Dd, did her breakfast, went out to work, got food from the shop on the way back.
Came home, toys everywhere, bin not taken out (I’m forever putting a bin bag on top of the bin to show-CHANGE THE BIN as sick of doing it myself. When I get home, Dh goes out saying he’s going to the shop-still not back an hour later. I’m finishing Dds costume, have put out the money and payment codes for Dh to do tomorrow (I have to organise them all) then I’m doing valentines cupcakes and craft with dd (won’t be able to do on Tuesday)
Ive put our the food I bought for dinner on the top..will he come home and make dinner?! Let’s see
Aibu to feel this is taking the piss?!

You can’t expect him to be a mind reader but he can’t expect you to be one either.
If either of you are having an issue with the other in any way you need to speak to each other to fix it.

The most important thing in a relationship is communication & this situation sounds like you are both going through your day just grumbling at each other & poking each other to get stuff done & resenting each other instead of having an adult conversation about the work load you are both carrying within the world & helping each other to see that things need to change for the well-being of the relationship, your child & your future.
At the end of the day he needs to be more proactive & consistent about doing basic household & parenting things, when they need doing, without having to be reminded or told to do them but on the flip side you need to let him do things, as hard as it is to let go.

@Middleagedspreadisreal We take our dog for a daily walk and she poos, but we also have poo in the garden like op does, she poos more than once a day 🤷🏻‍♀️😬

I'd be tempted to break both my legs so that my DH had to pull his weight for 6 weeks to reset the balance.

Is that something you would consider?

There is a similar and very predictable thread running through many of these posts!!
Sadly and frustratingly too many men still seem to think that certain jobs, ie housework, shopping, cooking etc is basically 'woman's work', this is of course boring and stereotypical but, apart from downright laziness and entitlement which is also a major problem, this particular situation does too often stem from the fact that their Mothers ran around after them, their Fathers and brothers, fulfilling their every wish/need like they were precious toddlers 24/7!! Sisters would unfairly be expected to muck in and help Mum and there you have it...they're indoctrinated from birth and if allowed to get away with it many apparently are quite happy to maintain the status quo!!
Worryingly there are too many still only too quick with their fists if any woman objects and tries to instigate change and realistically I'm not sure that this will ever be completely eradicated no matter how much 'education' there is on the subject 😥but things are definitely better than they were and if it takes a 'short sharp shock' to make a husband/Dad aware that he has a wife/partner and NOT a live in 'maid' then so be it...😏

Your Dh is taking the absolute piss!

This goes for all capable in a household.. The bare minimum expected around the house should be what you would do if you lived alone.

I know exactly how you feel. I'm just working out my financials as he'd never give me a penny out the house and says he would have the kids 50/50 to spite me and to ensure I don't get maintenance - the irony is that he does less than 5% of the childcare now...and is an awful father (he never remembers to feed them, has never instigated a meal time and never gives them water, never brushes their teeth and never baths them).
If I can sort out a House deposit and monthly income/outgoings then I have no need for him. He is a huge burden.
So you have my sympathies! 💐

This exactly. No point having a whinge in MN if you have not actually spoken to your DH. It is a bit pathetic that all these things need to be pointed out to men but sadly they are not as attuned to all this as we are. Is that nature or nurture who knows. Either way huffing and grumbling to yourself hoping he will read your mind is unlikely to happen.

Does he think there are "boy's jobs" as opposed to "girl's jobs" like Theresa May?

Either way huffing and grumbling to yourself hoping he will read your mind is unlikely to happen

Exactly!!

You had 3 hours to paint a costume, but can't be arsed to do the bins or washing up? Seems like your priorities are elsewhere. Also, doesn't every bloke leave washing up till the last thing at the end of the night before bed? That way we only have to wash up once a day.

I have started batch cooking and freezing meals. I spend 2-3 hours once a month and have meals ready to microwave that I just take put the freezer the night before.
I now have time when I get home from work to have a coffee and sit with my daughter.
Husband has his jobs: bins, dog poo, makes me a coffee in the morning and packs DD's bag for school.
I do the school run, pick up and swimming and guides as I work 4 days, he works long days and sometimes weekends.
He moans about his jobs but he does them.
Allocate him jobs and don't do them. Remind him they need doing, but you have to let him do them or nothing will change.

Go on strike and give him salad for tea ....
If all else fails , patio

I worked full time from dc age 11 weeks. I would have been happy for OH to have done so much. He Even unlocked bathroom door with screwdriver and dumped dc in when I wanted one lazy bath a week.

Your OH is an abusive piece of shit.

he was. that's the reason he's my ex.

Glad to hear it.

When I went back to work part-time (pretty much full-time) I would do the shopping cooking etc but I told hubby that he would have to help me with cleaning the house on the weekend, we did it Sunday morning. I didn't expect anymore than that as he did DIY, car maintenance etc. BUT, we had to ensure child care between us and he would work at home and spend time with the kids if sick or days off and we shared holidays. He always cleared up behind himself and after dinner unless he was painting or something. There's a lot more but I think that you get the point. Don't spend time feeling sorry for yourself, TELL HIM what you are telling us, he may not be aware of how you feel or that he's not pulling his weight.

Communicate your thoughts and sentiment to your DH. Express that you would like additional support here and there.

Strangers on the net won't help your marriage

He's laughing at you and enjoying his new master servant role

@Undernorthernskies , please please read this - it opened my eyes.
Mental load - link
The entitlement of some men is astonishing. You have a right to be angry here. I suspect on some level he knows he is taking the p*

I was going to say that days you don't work take a break. Don't cook. Put the stuff out for him to find and when he queries it say I thought maybe you'd cook tonight? 🙂