Why the hell do some parents do this?

[Atethehalloweenchocs]

Went out for a nice celebration lunch. It was a step up from your regular restaurant, the kind of place where chef sounds out an amuse bouche, there is one menu for the day, the waiters put on white gloves to bring your plates and cutlery etc etc. But pretentious, but had heard good things and it was amazing food. And expensive, but a celebration so we splashed out. Near us was a group which a young couple with their two children. One was a babe in arms who cried - fair enough, babies cry and after a while of not being able to quiet him or her, dad went out and walked around outside. Much appreciated that he did that. However, the other child, a girl of about 5 or 6, was allowed to sing, at the top of her voice for over an hour. The same line over and over, which I finally worked out was 'I don't care' from Let It Go. For a fucking hour. I get it is hard to manage kids in public sometimes but you could see people looking from all over the restaurant. If we had been in the local pub I would not have thought twice. But in a place which is way out of most peoples usual daily reach, am I unreasonable to think those parents should have said something to this child and told her to stop?

I'm curious about how staff have managed situations where people have complained about noisy children.

If I was a waiter I know I'd find it a very difficult conversation to have!

Either way, I agree with the OP that the parents were awful for allowing her to disturb everyone by singing.

I am all for taking dc to restaurants but you choose carefully.

The type of place that you describe would be a no from me because I couldn’t stand trying to eat my dinner and being conscious of every sound dc were making

We have been to some quite nice restaurants with dc but they were the places that were noisy. Where there might not have been many children but a baby crying and a child singing would have been drowned out by the noise the adults were making

DS2 has hit the toddler phase of requesting 1 of 4 nursery rhymes. On loop. All the bloody time!!!

Not a cat in hells chance am I taking him to a posh restaurant to inflict his favourite 4 nursery rhymes on customers who are out to have a civilised meal and enjoy conversation with the party they're with.

And selfishly I don't want to pay for a posh meal that will not be able to be appreciated properly because of the little window of parenting we're in at the minute.

You should really have said something to your waiter but at the same time I would expect staff at somewhere a bit posher to be a little more on it themselves too.

Maybe relatively to her normal behaviour this was the child being good and telling her to stop would result in much worse behaviour.

I don’t put myself in these situations because my child is wild but on the odd occasion we eat out I often let my 5 year old crawl around on the floor or do something I definitely don’t approve of because I’m just grateful he’s not jumping on the seats or flinging food!

I agree, no way would I take my 4 year old anywhere like that. He has this thing of just randomly shouting 'row, row, row your boat' or similar over and over again and I'd just be on edge the whole time.

They should of not taken the kids or made her shut up. Easier said than done though to get young kids to be quiet, so I'd just not take them.

It doesn't matter if it's an expensive meal out or a cheapo. It's a public space where people can't easily get up and walk away, so it's in everyone's interest to behave. Same with trains etc - everywhere except the park, basically. And I mean the parents, not really the kids. People are arrogant. They either don't care that their kids are disrupting everyone else, or they think they have the right.

Some people just seem to lack self-awareness..regardless. What one person finds acceptable, I would never dream of.

I was lucky enough to go to a posh restaurant a little while ago, service and food exceptional. However, the couple next to us face timed their
Daughter, holding the phone up to give a 360 of the dining room & then propped her up on the vase in the middle of the table on loud speaker, read her the menu etc etc. It felt really loud, intrusive & odd.

I was out yesterday for lunch, nearly said something to parents but didn’t 😳
The wee boy (in high chair so young) was just so absorbed with his dad and a whole pile of wooden jigsaws they’d bought along . It was like seeing to old men bent over absorbed in a game of domino’s 🤣. The wee boy was quietly entertained, not a squeak I could hear yet obviously enjoying himself with a big smile as he was absorbed with dad. Mum and 2 other females were chatting away happily.

I thought about saying something about how brilliantly they’d handled the whole lunch thing- but thought it too patronising

These were parents that had engaged their brains and empathy to plan for a meal out that balanced their dcs enjoyment, theirs and those around

children do not need to be banned . Parents need to learn that sitting their kids at a table waiting for food, sat in one boring place for a long time on hard chairs will make for figity , noisy, annoying brats . And come prepared. I used to have a small bag full of age appropriate distractions in the car when my kids were growing up..it morphed as they got older to pen and paper with battleships etc

technolgy is ok for a few minutes, but kids want attention and if at least one parent is not giving them that, it will descend quickly into a noisy bratty experience.

@Thearex - that is weird!

Some people think their fucking annoying children are an absolute delight to all those around.

I was taught as a child it was rude to sing at the dinner table (unless it was “happy birthday” 🎂😂)

I take my children to high end places. I do not give a shite if people consider it entitled, because we are as entitled to a nice meal as anyone else. However, my 6 year old has always behaved impeccably. He colours, reads, does sticker books, plays (quiet) games with us. The other is a baby but we would take her out if she was crying. Why should families be confined to certain types of food? I want my children to appreciate more than pasta or nuggets and to learn that we consider people around us. I expect the same standard of behaviour from them in pizza express as somewhere fine dining.

I don't understand why no-one complained and the management didn't ask them to be quieter.

We had a similar experience recently.

I think it’s selfish to take children to this type of restaurant when people have paid a lot of money to eat there.

Some people just don’t give a shit how their child’s behaviour affects others.

I do think a polite, but disappointed email to the restaurant may cause dividends.
Or if they are really good, they'll respond directly to a poor tripadvisor review. But either way, the management or owner needs to know that the staff haven't been trained in how to handle that situation correctly.

Ah. A couple of weeks ago I was in an M&S cafe and I did say something. I hope the parents didn't think I was patronising but their small children were beautifully behaved and just sat with a colouring book and chatting to their parents while they waited. Just a delight to see.
And not something I especially achieved with my DC or DGC!
The parents did seem to appreciate my comments though

I doubt that you do as to be fair, anyone who writes "I do not give a shite" are not the typical clients of the venues we're talking about.

And just double check my post as I didn't once use the word entitled. I used selfish and annoying but tbh you probably are entitled as well.

It sounds really irritating and I don’t understand why management did not intervene. Surely, they must have noticed the disturbance.

Why is it vile to suggest that someone whose child is ruining everyone else's experience should be taken outside?

I didn't think personal attacks were allowed on here.

And the pp is right, you give a voucher. You don't "gift" it, that is a silly recent affectation.

Several people have mentioned it being entitled/selfish etc, but I think it is no more selfish to expect that we can eat out than it is to want to ban us. If I am entitled for wanting to be able to have nice meals, so be it, because I do want to and we do on a regular basis. I expect it is why my children know how to behave in restaurants. Regardless of what you think, I know that they do as we frequently get comments from other diners about good behaviour. So doubt away 😂

When my kids were younger we were in a family restaurant with a wacky warehouse attached to it. There was two women in with a few kids. After they had finished eating and just after we ordered desserts they let the kids run up and down screaming. My own children have autism and would never behave like that. My son couldn't tolerate the screaming and ran for the door. I managed to calm him down while I asked for a refund for desserts. Member of staff asked if we were leaving because of them told her yes we are grrrr.

Not a chance I’d take my 3 year old to a place like that, selfishly because I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my food for making sure he wasn’t bothering anyone! Even when we go to harvester I take a sack load of quiet toys 😂

Cost of restaurant is immaterial to my mind. The behaviour would be awful wherever you were eating.

I hate the parents who allow their children to behave like this. It doesn’t matter if you are spending £6.00 or £600.00 on a meal, the other diners deserve to be allowed to eat and enjoy their meal in a pleasant atmosphere.

In your position, OP, I would have asked the waiting staff to have a word with crap parents and get their daughter to be quiet.

I hope crap parent gets to read this thread and realise how horrible their negligent parenting actually is and the negative impact it has on others.