Why the hell do some parents do this?

[Atethehalloweenchocs]

Went out for a nice celebration lunch. It was a step up from your regular restaurant, the kind of place where chef sounds out an amuse bouche, there is one menu for the day, the waiters put on white gloves to bring your plates and cutlery etc etc. But pretentious, but had heard good things and it was amazing food. And expensive, but a celebration so we splashed out. Near us was a group which a young couple with their two children. One was a babe in arms who cried - fair enough, babies cry and after a while of not being able to quiet him or her, dad went out and walked around outside. Much appreciated that he did that. However, the other child, a girl of about 5 or 6, was allowed to sing, at the top of her voice for over an hour. The same line over and over, which I finally worked out was 'I don't care' from Let It Go. For a fucking hour. I get it is hard to manage kids in public sometimes but you could see people looking from all over the restaurant. If we had been in the local pub I would not have thought twice. But in a place which is way out of most peoples usual daily reach, am I unreasonable to think those parents should have said something to this child and told her to stop?

YANBU

I honestly can’t imagine ever taking my child into that sort of environment. It would be so stressful and I’d literally hammer down the food so we could get the hell out. I love my boy to bits but ppl out for a posh meal don’t want to watch my wrestle him to stay in the high chair or listen to him scream or me bellow sit down , don’t climb onto the table. Some ppl r really self absorbed tho and can’t imagine that anyone wouldn’t enjoy listening to a child screech throughout their meal !

YANBU at all.

Why shouldn’t kids get the opportunity to have a nice lunch (with amuse bouche 😂) same as adults?

We have to go-exist with children, as adults did with us when we were kids.

Take advice from the little girl and Let It Go

*co-exist

What nonsense. If they are used to more a formal setting they’d understand dining etiquette, and behave appropriately. This will translate across to informal settings too. It’s called manners.

Parents are teaching their children to be inconsiderate.

I would have asked the maitre d to move us.

Exactly - it doesn't matter if it's their every day place or special occasion - it's not how you behave in a restaurant be it pizza hut or Michelin starred!!

YANBU.

I used to take my children (who could be completely horrendous) to some very "posh" places when they were little, but they always behaved impeccably. We sometimes got some looks of horror from other guests when we arrived with children, but then invariably ended up with compliments on how well behaved they were. Children should be brought up to know how to behave in different settings. The parents you describe @Atethehalloweenchocs were failing in their parental duty. The key to taking children to that kind of place is preparation and setting out your expectations ("when we get there, we are all going to use our quiet voices, because that's what people do at the Ritz" - it wasn't the Ritz, but you get the idea). It doesn't work with a baby, obviously - but then you just have to do what the father did in the OP, and take them out.

You also have to be very, very proactive and keep them busy/conversing/playing I Spy etc. My DC were little before phones and devices, so parents had to make a bit more effort.

Where was it OP? There are a number of fine dining restaurants that welcome children, just wondering if it was one of those. Not that it excuses poor behaviour.

Staff where probably dying inside too!
Entitled patents probably thought it was a good idea
Honestly no idea what they thought this was a good idea!

YANBU. My friend runs a very highly rated afternoon tea shop that's quite well known. It's not super expensive imho, but it is somewhere well known that people travel a fair distance to etc. She's now banned children under 12 - it was a really difficult decision as she's a parent herself, and loves most of the kids and families who come in, but she had too many occasions where kids were behaving dreadfully and the parents (and grandparents) just sat back and did nothing. One incident included a toddler causing hundreds of pounds of damage whilst the parents chatted away and scrolled on their phones. They then refused to pay for the damage! Another family with a 4yo child just let her shout and sing along to her iPad with no headphones on thinking it was hilarious - she asked them to quieten down as customers were walking out and they completely ignored her then left a bad review!!

There were so many incidents like this that she's just had to change her policy. She says it's got worse since she reopened post lockdown etc but that might be a coincidence 🤷‍♀️ It's a shame as it ruins it for the families who do properly bring up their children!

Ofcourse they should, absolutely but they should also be expected to behave properly too. A child singing like that is completely inappropriate for a restaurant.

We went to a very posh country house restaurant for Christmas lunch last year with our then 4yo DS. We’d been gifted a voucher and were determined to use it. He was brilliant for the first course then got restless, so DH and I tag teamed him in the garden for the final two courses, then we all chilled out together for hot chocolate in front of the fire at the end. We knew it would be that way when we went and wouldn’t have dreamed of disrupting anyone else. It’s completely bad form.

There was one main and not very big dining room so there was nowhere to be moved to which was out of earshot. Otherwise I would have asked to be moved. And the dad had come back with the now sleeping baby, so there were two parents plus some other people with them, anyone one of whom could have taken the little girl into the lounge where you had your pre lunch drinks, or taken turns to interact with her. But no one made any move to tell her to be quiet. As for the person who thinks we have to co exist with children - what a ridiculous statement. I am not talking about most places, but children have to co exist with us too, and its the parents job to help them learn to do that by not being obnoxious in public. You and your children don't get to dictate every one else's experiences all the time everywhere. It seemed like lazy parenting. Or general not giving a crap about anyone else.

We went out for a (very rare) early evening meal when our DC were 2 and 5. (To a fairly average Italian chain restaurant)
5 year old accidently knocked a wine glass and it smashed on the floor , within minutes of getting there. DS (2) had the mother of all tantrums when we wouldn't let him eat piping hot food the moment it was put On the table. A couple sitting nearby asked to be moved. It was literally in my tip 3 most mortifying moments.
We didn't go out for a meal again for about 2 years!!😂 but after that they've always been fine but I absolutely wouldn't put up with either of them singing/talking loudly enough to disturb others for an extended period of time.
I've also been known to take DS outside and sit with him outside when he's been excessively windy!!😳

You should have spoken to a member of staff.

It’s quite possible that the other family were just out for a regular meal and their finances meant they didn’t view it as anywhere special, so didn’t think about the impact of the behaviour of their child on others. Or they might really be that entitled.

I’ve got young children and I can’t imagine wanting to spend that amount of money while trying to wrangle them. We keep to family friendly places.

Regardless, they should be teaching their children that you need to pipe down in certain situations, and what might fly in your basement kitchen in Kensington with the nanny isn’t appropriate in a restaurant, whatever the price point.

Yes, see @Heartsandbirds , that is what I would expect responsible parents to do. It was not the little girls fault.

Is that £70.00 each before drinks? That’s the normal price for a three course lunch before drinks here in just a bog standard steak house. I also would recommend you go out for an evening meal if you want to avoid children being children.

If your post was genuinely about lazy parenting you wouldn't be so hung up about the type of restaurant it was. Are you saying if you were having dinner at Pizza Express it would have been fine? I can't be doing with lazy parenting on the number 49 bus!

YANBU. I love children, and I love seeing them out enjoying eating in restaurants, and I accept that there will be a certain level of singing/talking or whatever. That's fine. Kids are learning how to behave in public spaces, and I think they should be cut a wee bit of slack if it sometimes gets a bit loud.

However, I do expect the parents to be on board with this, and be sensitive to the experience of other diners who have paid a lot of money to enjoy a meal in relative peace. And I know that often doesn't happen.

I have 3 DCs. DC1 was an absolute dream to take out to a restaurant in the evening - he would colour in, play with a sticker book, and engage quietly in conversation. All great.

DC2 could manage it for a short while before getting restless, so we learned to go to places where we could order, eat, and go within a short time frame. So, local Italian places and suchlike.

DC3 was a bloody nightmare. Colouring in books and sticker books would be tossed to the floor, she would try to get down out of her seat constantly, and shouted out to drown out the other conversations.
We tried it a couple of times with her, but DH or I had to take it in turns to take her outside. We sacked it off until she was older, and just accepted we wouldn't be eating out in the meantime.

I would be unhappy with a pre-schooler serenade for an hour wherever I was. Garfunkel’s or The Garrick Club, there is a time and a place, and they are: later, and at home.

Given a voucher. You had been given a voucher.

Oh I agree! We take our kids to pizza express (still at 5 plus).

That sounds so annoying!

Venue's like this, for really special occasions / high end food, should be adults only, no child will appreciate the food, venue, etc and if mum & dad can't get a sitter then it's tough, you can't go.

It's not fair to ruin other people's special occasions like that.

I'm sure there would have been other 'nice' venues that this family could have gone to instead, but no, they're 'special' and decide to inflict their 'special child's special singing' upon everyone. Selfish.