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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why the hell do some parents do this?

444 replies

Atethehalloweenchocs · 11/02/2023 19:39

Went out for a nice celebration lunch. It was a step up from your regular restaurant, the kind of place where chef sounds out an amuse bouche, there is one menu for the day, the waiters put on white gloves to bring your plates and cutlery etc etc. But pretentious, but had heard good things and it was amazing food. And expensive, but a celebration so we splashed out. Near us was a group which a young couple with their two children. One was a babe in arms who cried - fair enough, babies cry and after a while of not being able to quiet him or her, dad went out and walked around outside. Much appreciated that he did that. However, the other child, a girl of about 5 or 6, was allowed to sing, at the top of her voice for over an hour. The same line over and over, which I finally worked out was 'I don't care' from Let It Go. For a fucking hour. I get it is hard to manage kids in public sometimes but you could see people looking from all over the restaurant. If we had been in the local pub I would not have thought twice. But in a place which is way out of most peoples usual daily reach, am I unreasonable to think those parents should have said something to this child and told her to stop?

OP posts:
Messyhair321 · 12/02/2023 22:23

No I would have tipped a table & lost it

Pigeonpair1 · 12/02/2023 22:24

I was in a fairly smart Italian the other day. Mother came in with her four year old and proceeded to let her watch cartoons on the iPhone for the duration of the meal while she chatted to her friend. I have no problem with this but not when the volume of the phone is high enough for me to hear every word....

Itisbetter · 12/02/2023 22:25

So ask them to turn the volume down? (Or off).

Pigeonpair1 · 12/02/2023 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DuplicateUserName · 12/02/2023 22:32

As I always tend to say on these threads, you should've had a quiet word with the manager.

I don't get people who sit there suffering and then run to Mumsnet to complain.

Pigeonpair1 · 12/02/2023 22:35

Why was my reply deleted?

HotDogJumpingFrogHaveACookie · 12/02/2023 23:02

My absolute favourite part of this entire post was someone claiming £70 per head not including drinks is the usual price for lunch in a bog standard restaurant.

AaaaaandBreathe · 12/02/2023 23:11

fitzwilliamdarcy · 11/02/2023 22:52

Yes, much more likely that a child has an extremely rare metabolism disorder than is engaging in normal kid behaviour. This is MN after all.

It's not normal behaviour from a 5/6 year old to sing the same line repeatedly for an hour. And that's not me saying the child had Sanfilllipo syndrome!

ASD is a possibility or not being set boundaries by parents, but I really don't think it's normal 6 year old behaviour in public.

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 12/02/2023 23:16

I tell my kids that if the waiters spot they're children then we will have to leave because kids aren't allowed in pubs. Works like a charm 😂 we don't generally venture anywhere more exciting than a harvester with them though because I don't want to be stressing over their behaviour.

Those parents in the OP are completely fucking self absorbed.

userno777 · 12/02/2023 23:19

YABU that in the local pub this would be acceptable. It's not. Some parents really don't know how to parent.

ClearMoth · 12/02/2023 23:27

AllOfThemWitches · 12/02/2023 22:20

Also, that's the nature of discussion forums...

I know, but even by the standards of discussion forum threads, this has veered off a long way.

We have all seen and met these shitty parents, and most of the time no SEN are involved. It's just entitled, selfish, lazy adults letting their kids act like twats.

T1Dmama · 13/02/2023 00:08

I would’ve had to say something quietly to a waiter…. My daughter always dined out with us and never ran around, screamed, sang etc… maybe I was lucky but I just never let her scream … hate it!
I think children should be taught an indoor voice…. After all she can’t do that at school

BlueHeelers · 13/02/2023 05:54

Why has this derailed into an argument about disability?

Classic what-aboutery. And the refusal of some parents to accept that yes, children do behave badly in public, and parents can be selfish arses about that.

Bleachmycloths · 13/02/2023 07:08

AaaaaandBreathe · 12/02/2023 23:11

It's not normal behaviour from a 5/6 year old to sing the same line repeatedly for an hour. And that's not me saying the child had Sanfilllipo syndrome!

ASD is a possibility or not being set boundaries by parents, but I really don't think it's normal 6 year old behaviour in public.

Fitzwilliamdarcy was being ironic/sarcastic.

Spikeyball · 13/02/2023 07:23

"Why has this derailed into an argument about disability?"

There have been comments that children and adults with disabilities have anti social behaviour, upset others and cause harm to others and that their access to public places should be restricted.

MatronicO6 · 13/02/2023 07:28

ClearMoth · 12/02/2023 23:27

I know, but even by the standards of discussion forum threads, this has veered off a long way.

We have all seen and met these shitty parents, and most of the time no SEN are involved. It's just entitled, selfish, lazy adults letting their kids act like twats.

Because it's mumsnet and anytime someone brings up the poor behaviour of a child, some posters immediately assume the child is ND.

KatherineJaneway · 13/02/2023 07:37

Why didn't you ask the staff to deal with it or shushed them directly?

Poopoopoo · 13/02/2023 09:12

it is possible the child has special educational needs

SchoolTripDrama · 13/02/2023 10:01

Poopoopoo · 13/02/2023 09:12

it is possible the child has special educational needs

Why is this always said whenever there's bad behaviour or poor parenting!? My child has SEN and wouldn't DREAM of behaving like this ffs. Bad behaviour does NOT equal SEN!!!!

AllOfThemWitches · 13/02/2023 10:08

SchoolTripDrama · 13/02/2023 10:01

Why is this always said whenever there's bad behaviour or poor parenting!? My child has SEN and wouldn't DREAM of behaving like this ffs. Bad behaviour does NOT equal SEN!!!!

This is such a fucking stupid comment too. So, your child doesn't have the kind of disability that means they behave in an obviously different way to neurotypical children. Other children do.

Spikeyball · 13/02/2023 10:51

"My child has SEN and wouldn't DREAM of behaving like this"

My child is severely autistic and learning disabled and behaves as a person with his disability does ie not like other people of the same age. It's not bad behaviour. It's being who he is. If people don't like it - tough.

PeachyIsThinking · 13/02/2023 10:52

One line might suggest echolalia? We used to get that with our son. We stayed home. Our friends deserted us eventually, now son is 19 still disabled and I’m still at home and maybe see a friend once a year, usually at home. I applaud anyone who has the sense not to get trapped and keeps living.

OTOH it could well just be an annoying kid with the sort of parents who assume everyone else thinks it’s cute in which case nope yanbu- very poor.

No way of knowing.

YMBU (might)

Everanewbie · 13/02/2023 10:53

It really does parents of children with SEN and people with disabilities a disservice when poor behaviour and even worse parenting is somehow justified on this basis.

No OP, you are not unreasonable to be annoyed.

I have a 12 week old. Eventually I'll introduce him to restaurants and even fine dining restaurants if finances allow. But I'll teach him to walk before he can run, its not fair to chuck him at the deep end and expect him to swim. And, grumpy farts aside who are offended by a childs' sheer presence, other customers enjoyment will always be more important than my own.

Spikeyball · 13/02/2023 11:04

"It really does parents of children with SEN and people with disabilities a disservice when poor behaviour and even worse parenting is somehow justified on this basis."

Sometimes people with a lot of experience can recognise certain unusual behaviours and them suggesting it as a possibility is reasonable.

Itisbetter · 13/02/2023 12:12

@Everanewbie what if your baby isn’t going to run?

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