Why the hell do some parents do this?

[Atethehalloweenchocs]

Went out for a nice celebration lunch. It was a step up from your regular restaurant, the kind of place where chef sounds out an amuse bouche, there is one menu for the day, the waiters put on white gloves to bring your plates and cutlery etc etc. But pretentious, but had heard good things and it was amazing food. And expensive, but a celebration so we splashed out. Near us was a group which a young couple with their two children. One was a babe in arms who cried - fair enough, babies cry and after a while of not being able to quiet him or her, dad went out and walked around outside. Much appreciated that he did that. However, the other child, a girl of about 5 or 6, was allowed to sing, at the top of her voice for over an hour. The same line over and over, which I finally worked out was 'I don't care' from Let It Go. For a fucking hour. I get it is hard to manage kids in public sometimes but you could see people looking from all over the restaurant. If we had been in the local pub I would not have thought twice. But in a place which is way out of most peoples usual daily reach, am I unreasonable to think those parents should have said something to this child and told her to stop?

Sadly parents are just inconsiderate these days. I am from the children should be seen and not heard generation. I totally agree with you why should we all have to put up with these children. What people don’t seem to understand that by not correcting this sort of behaviour now you are storing up problems and frankly if your children can’t sit quietly then sorry you should not be going to restaurants. If I sat there screaming and singing loudly someone would say something to me and my behaviour would be classed as anti social. This is why we live in a world with all these teenage gangs and stabbing and out of control kids. It all starts with the basics of learning respect for others

I think it’s harsh to judge other parents what to do and not to do with their own children. It might be a special celebration for them and they do t have childcare or look after the children, or it might be the girl who generally is well behaved just had a moment and got too excited. They might be tourists or not from the area and just want to have something nice to eat for a change from the family restaurants. 60/70s lunch might be posh for you but it might be just a normal meal for them so they might not think this is too much of a big deal.

Indeed.

or it might be the girl who generally is well behaved just had a moment and got too excited.

The OP quite clearly said that the girl’s “singing” went on and on for almost an hour.

That is not a child just “having a moment.” That is parental bad manners and selfishness.

Oh this reminds me when we went for a weekend away with another couple, we both had babies around 6months old. The husband of the other couple said he had found a restaurant for us that was nice but described as child friendly on the website. It was a disaster, it was so chic and quiet and our first born was just a very loud baby, even when she was happy she was so loud. We would have never chosen to go to a place like that and we felt horrible, we kept doing our best to keep her quiet and I did end up taking her down earlier.

Me too. I’d have been well fucked off. I love children but this is right royally taking the piss.

I have two children 5 and under. A) I would never take them to a restaurant as posh as you describe, unless maybe they were invited by someone else as part of a family celebration? B) I’m quite a relaxed parent but absolutely my 5 year old would never get away with making that much noise in a restaurant, she would have been told to shut up!

I do not think that someone with a learning disability is less than me, but nor do I believe that a disability gives you the automatic right to upset other people. It's a question of what is reasonable behaviour to expect in any situation. If you know someone , a child, an old person, or someone with a disability, cannot cope appropriately in a given situation, and will cause upset, then don't put them in that place.

Yikes @Thindog you sound awful on this point. In the UK we believe that disabled people are part of mainstream life not hidden away.

Yeah, this poster does sound a lot worse than I think they realise. It's disturbing actually.

Gifted. Past tense of gift. Perfectly correct usage. If your planning on correcting people better make sure they're actually incorrect first.

Oh come on, given in Anglo English, gifted is US English.

It's a question of what is reasonable behaviour to expect in any situation. If you know someone , a child, an old person, or someone with a disability, cannot cope appropriately in a given situation, and will cause upset, then don't put them in that place."

I don't suppose you even consider the times when your behaviour could cause upset to someone with a learning disability. It's only about them bothering you. I am so glad I am not like you.

Who said anyone should be hidden away? If someone cannot cope with a situation without causing harm to others, then choosing to avoid that situation is the obvious answer. If a child can't be quiet in a restaurant and needs to constantly and loudly repeatedly sing the same phrase. to the detriment of other diners, then she shouldn't have been taken to the restaurant. It's not hiding her away, it's choosing an appropriate activity for the child. Sorry if that disturbs you.

But the child was coping just fine, it’s the OP who wasn’t.

Because some people think that they prioritise everyone else. These people are everywhere. Took my twins swimming today. Finished swimming, waiting to use the shower. This one woman left me standing there with my 6 month old baby for 20 mins to use the shower thinking she was in a shampoo commercial. Honestly I think she was just doing it to be an arsehole. While another lady got herself and 3 kids showered in less time. Some people think the world revolves around them.

...and all the other people in the restaurant who had saved their hard earned cash for a special treat, which was spoiled by one child's behaviour.

Yeah, who mentioned anything about 'not coping?' Why the hell do your needs and wants and rights trump those of a disabled person? Because yes, whether consciously or not, you see them as lesser humans.

"If someone cannot cope with a situation without causing harm to others, then choosing to avoid that situation is the obvious answer."

Well if someone is attacking others then obviously it is not safe for them to be there but I don't anyone is suggesting they should be.

Or are you suggesting that a person with a learning disability merely by behaving like a person with a learning disability, is causing harm to others?

Have you considered how your own behaviour may annoy someone with a learning disability or doesn't that matter?

Why has this derailed into an argument about disability?

There's no reason to think that anyone involved in the situation described here has any kind of SEN.

it's really irrelevant.

I think there were a few years we didn't take DC to restaurants, let alone a really nice one like that. You just don't want to ruin other people's meals.

My meal wouldn’t be ruined by the presence of a child. If they were so noisy I couldn’t hear my partner I’d ask them to be quieter

"Why has this derailed into an argument about disability?"

Because a poster is making ablist comments and deliberately derailed it in that direction.

Also, that's the nature of discussion forums...

You'd have what????