Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Only invited to long term partners sisters evening part of wedding

157 replies

Notsuregirl123 · 10/02/2023 19:06

Hi all

Fairly new to mumsnet!

Just for background I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years, we live separately as we are still very young (got together early teens) and we have both been invited to his half sisters wedding, however, I've only been asked to attend the evening part at 7pm

The wedding itself is located 4 hours round trip away from me and I have met and socialised with the bride and groom to be His entire family including his mums younger daughter and his brother who are not realated to the whole wedding (his mum and dad have had DC with new partners)

His other sisters are able to bring their partners despite being unmarried as they have DC together. Seems to me that I'm the only person who has not been included - AIBU?

Also we have never had any bad blood, seemed to get on well but not super close!

Thank you 😊

OP posts:
Hydie · 10/02/2023 19:12

YANBU. If all partners were not invited I'd get that, but can't invite some and not others in this situation. Are you sure you're not invited?

Scarecrowrowboat · 10/02/2023 19:12

I guess it depends how big a wedding it is and if kids are invited. If her nieces/nephews are invited it's kind of impossible not to invite the partners. If it's a huge wedding with most guests at wedding and reception then I would probably be a bit offended but if it's smallish then seems reasonable.

Original poster
Notsuregirl123 · 10/02/2023 19:14

Thanks for your reply! Yes definitely not invited to the ceremony or sit down meal, I've been asked to attend only for the evening do! I don't mind so much, but if it were me I wouldn't invite said sister and not her partner to my own wedding.

His family seems to think its okay though and I may be getting the wrong end of this stick

OP posts:
Hydie · 10/02/2023 19:16

I dont think it's OK, it's harsh.

ladyvimes · 10/02/2023 19:16

I can’t imagine not inviting my siblings partners to a wedding especially if it meant just excluding one! That’s not a finance thing!!
I had my 17 year old brother’s long term girlfriend at my wedding. They’d been together about 2 years and it meant a lot ok to my brother to have her there. I would get your partner to speak to them and tell them you’re upset.

VivaVivaa · 10/02/2023 19:17

Yanbu! I’d be gutted with that. If numbers were really tight and it was 20 mins away then I’d probably suck it up, but inviting you to the evening do of a wedding 4h away is effectively not inviting you at all!

Original poster
Notsuregirl123 · 10/02/2023 19:18

It's quite a large scale event from what my boyfriend has said, but I feel maybe because we aren't living together/engaged or have children together just yet a lot of his family may not consider our relationship to be as "serious" as others

OP posts:
RainyDaysareCarp · 10/02/2023 19:18

I believe some of them do a "if you don't live together " or "if you are not engaged" then there is no invite.

ItsCalledAConversation · 10/02/2023 19:19

If it’s a 4 hour round trip I presume you’d be travelling with your DP. What are you supposed to do while your DP is at the day wedding? Sit in the hotel room and twiddle your thumbs while you wait for the part you’re actually invited to?

Accept the invite, but suffer a dreadful stomach upset on the day.

Orangepolentacake · 10/02/2023 19:20

ItsCalledAConversation · 10/02/2023 19:19

If it’s a 4 hour round trip I presume you’d be travelling with your DP. What are you supposed to do while your DP is at the day wedding? Sit in the hotel room and twiddle your thumbs while you wait for the part you’re actually invited to?

Accept the invite, but suffer a dreadful stomach upset on the day.

This

ZenNudist · 10/02/2023 19:20

Maybe she knows something you don't. Is your dp actually committed to you?

Tell your DP it's not OK and it will cause bad blood. He needs to speak to her. It may be that he's happy to go alone

TiaraBoo · 10/02/2023 19:20

I guess they can invite who they want to, but it’s not very nice for your boyfriend if he doesn’t have his plus one there.
I wouldn’t go to an event 4 hours away just for the evening.

Floralnomad · 10/02/2023 19:21

Just decline the invite , not worth going just for the evening what are you supposed to do the rest of the day .

breatheinskipthegym · 10/02/2023 19:21

Don’t feign a stomach upset, just decline the invite. It doesn’t make sense on any practical level for you to go.

Tinkerbyebye · 10/02/2023 19:21

To me it tells me they don’t think it’s serious and I would expect my depot say something as 7 years is a long time

I also wouldn’t be going, travelling 4 hours for an evening only invite? No way.

still at least you now know what his family think of you, and I would be withdrawing from them.

Sneakyblinders · 10/02/2023 19:22

I don't think it's because you're not married - it's probably an age/not living together thing.

Sometimes you need to draw the line somewhere so perhaps they are only inviting couples who live together.

I wouldn't be offended. Go or don't go but don't make a fuss.

Tinkerbyebye · 10/02/2023 19:22

Dp not depot

ZenNudist · 10/02/2023 19:22

breatheinskipthegym · 10/02/2023 19:21

Don’t feign a stomach upset, just decline the invite. It doesn’t make sense on any practical level for you to go.

This. FGS don't go!

I'd take this as a very bad sign.

SunshineAndFizz · 10/02/2023 19:23

What does your boyfriend say about it?

Probably following a rubbish rule like you don't live together, but yeah it's a bit shit.

Untitledsquatboulder · 10/02/2023 19:24

It does sound a bit mean but honestly you are a long-term girlfriend not a partner as you don't share a household. Maybe that's why.

MumOf2workOptions · 10/02/2023 19:24

This would be a big 🚩 for me and your boyfriend should have put his foot down about it and had your back and as he clearly hasn't this would concern me about how serious he actually is about you.

That aside who on earth goes on a 4hr round trip just to attend a night do? I wouldn't bother!!

Cosyblankets · 10/02/2023 19:25

I often err on the side of their wedding their choice.
If it was down the road fair enough catch up in the evening but a 4 hour round trip no way
7 years is a long time even if you don't live together

Original poster
Notsuregirl123 · 10/02/2023 19:26

My boyfriend is pretty offended, as he's being invited to my brothers wedding in the summer (he's not all that close with my brother)

Neither of us want to cause a huge thing as its their wedding and they ultimately decide who they want at all parts of it.

I just wanted some perspective- thanks for all your responses 🙏

OP posts:
LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 10/02/2023 19:27

I’d expect your partner to object without you having to get involved at all. Really seems unnecessarily cold to expect him to leave his partner of seven years behind when all the other siblings have someone with them.

But yeah, obviously don’t go all that way just for the evening.

Floralnomad · 10/02/2023 19:28

If your boyfriend is truly offended then he can decline the invite as well .