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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Only invited to long term partners sisters evening part of wedding

157 replies

Notsuregirl123 · 10/02/2023 19:06

Hi all

Fairly new to mumsnet!

Just for background I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years, we live separately as we are still very young (got together early teens) and we have both been invited to his half sisters wedding, however, I've only been asked to attend the evening part at 7pm

The wedding itself is located 4 hours round trip away from me and I have met and socialised with the bride and groom to be His entire family including his mums younger daughter and his brother who are not realated to the whole wedding (his mum and dad have had DC with new partners)

His other sisters are able to bring their partners despite being unmarried as they have DC together. Seems to me that I'm the only person who has not been included - AIBU?

Also we have never had any bad blood, seemed to get on well but not super close!

Thank you 😊

OP posts:
VivaVivaa · 10/02/2023 19:49

Does your boyfriends family have a bit of a weird dynamic? Im wondering why he doesn’t just level with his sister and say it’s going to be a bit of a nightmare for you to get to a rural location on your own and you’d both really appreciate an invite for the whole thing. Do they not communicate as a family?

Hydie · 10/02/2023 19:49

RingRingRingGoesTheTelephone · 10/02/2023 19:46

If you are still only young and aren't living together, I wouldn't consider you a permanent fixture. My sister is wedding venue shopping at the mo, one she is contemplating is £130 a head, I wouldn't be inviting 20 year old girlfriends who probably won't be around in 3 months time. It'd be very different if you were living together and settled together but it sounds like you are still teen gf and bf. Will you even still be together by the time the wedding comes around?

Did you miss the part where they've been together 7 years? Judgemental much!

Original poster
Notsuregirl123 · 10/02/2023 19:49

I really think this reasoning makes absolutely no sense....

The only reason we are not yet living with eachother is because we have just started our careers and we are saving towards a deposit for a house in the near future

OP posts:
YoBeaches · 10/02/2023 19:49

Yeah that's nonsense Op. they've got it wrong.

DP can go as you say but you should decline and do something else fun that weekend.

zurala · 10/02/2023 19:50

RingRingRingGoesTheTelephone · 10/02/2023 19:46

If you are still only young and aren't living together, I wouldn't consider you a permanent fixture. My sister is wedding venue shopping at the mo, one she is contemplating is £130 a head, I wouldn't be inviting 20 year old girlfriends who probably won't be around in 3 months time. It'd be very different if you were living together and settled together but it sounds like you are still teen gf and bf. Will you even still be together by the time the wedding comes around?

Good grief! They've been together for seven years! That's extremely serious.
OP it's rude. And honestly I think your partner should say something to his sister, nothing heavy, just "hey sis I'm really hurt that you haven't invited DG, and so is she. We are in a serious relationship and I want her with me, is there a reason you are leaving her out?"
Then if she doesn't invite you I think he should define as well.
My cousin didn't invite my fiance of 4 years to his wedding, so I didn't go. I thought it was incredibly rude.

zurala · 10/02/2023 19:50

Decline, not define!

pinkyredrose · 10/02/2023 19:50

RingRingRingGoesTheTelephone · 10/02/2023 19:46

If you are still only young and aren't living together, I wouldn't consider you a permanent fixture. My sister is wedding venue shopping at the mo, one she is contemplating is £130 a head, I wouldn't be inviting 20 year old girlfriends who probably won't be around in 3 months time. It'd be very different if you were living together and settled together but it sounds like you are still teen gf and bf. Will you even still be together by the time the wedding comes around?

They've been together 7yrs ffs.

Roundabout78 · 10/02/2023 19:51

I’m a little on the fence here. Some people won’t invite any couples that don’t live together or have kids, and honestly I think that’s fair enough. Wedding guest lists can be a nightmare, everyone has to have a cut off somewhere.
the fact you met in your early teens made me think you were younger than you are. I did slightly sway towards your side when you said you were 23.
I don’t think anyone is wrong here 100%. I don’t blame you for not going, but equally I’m glad you’re encouraging your boyfriend to go. You seem very diplomatic and level headed 😊

amonsteronthehill · 10/02/2023 19:52

I would decline under the circumstances.

Your boyfriend can make his own decision.

Hydie · 10/02/2023 19:52

You do seem like a lovely and level headed 23 year old OP 🥰

MrsMikeDrop · 10/02/2023 19:53

What is the difference between you and the other partners? Is it that you're the only couple not living together? If there's some difference then I assume that's it, although it does seem petty, and particularly difficult if it's 4 hours away so you need to go separately. Sounds like you're going to the fun part anyway so I'd probably just do that rather than cause any drama

Cosyblankets · 10/02/2023 19:54

RingRingRingGoesTheTelephone · 10/02/2023 19:46

If you are still only young and aren't living together, I wouldn't consider you a permanent fixture. My sister is wedding venue shopping at the mo, one she is contemplating is £130 a head, I wouldn't be inviting 20 year old girlfriends who probably won't be around in 3 months time. It'd be very different if you were living together and settled together but it sounds like you are still teen gf and bf. Will you even still be together by the time the wedding comes around?

I reckon there's a fair chance OP and her BF have been together longer than the wedding couple!

KevinsChilli · 10/02/2023 19:55

Not inviting partners purely because they don’t live together, despite being together for SEVEN years is just ridiculous. Especially considering how hard it is for people to get on the housing ladder now, it’s like saying you’re not invited because you can’t afford a house together yet 🙄

Original poster
Notsuregirl123 · 10/02/2023 19:56

Yes all the other partners live together, some for a year and under and other have children, which makes sense. I suppose its more the feeling of being left out.

I was under the proviso we were all fairly close, we go on a family holiday every year and we have a great time... so I'm pretty confused but equally accept its their decision!

Still stings a bit but I'll get over it haha

OP posts:
Penguinsaregreat · 10/02/2023 19:57

Yanbu.
The fact you don’t have children is irrelevant. Plenty of couples in very happy, permanent relationships don’t have children. Given that all the other siblings are taking a plus one I wouldn’t go to the evening do. 4 hours round trip for an evening do, no way.
I’d also scale back from them. Don’t put yourself out for them.

MaggieFS · 10/02/2023 19:58

I'd think it's rude either way, but with the four hour trip and bugger all to do factored in, I'd decline. Would probably suck it up and go if it was local.

Alternatively, what type of venue is it? I'm hoping it's a public hotel so you could go and sit out your wait in the lobby lounge and let every passing relative know why your aren't joining for the meal.

I certainly caused a few issues with my guest list, but was fair and did ask partners.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/02/2023 19:58

RingRingRingGoesTheTelephone · 10/02/2023 19:46

If you are still only young and aren't living together, I wouldn't consider you a permanent fixture. My sister is wedding venue shopping at the mo, one she is contemplating is £130 a head, I wouldn't be inviting 20 year old girlfriends who probably won't be around in 3 months time. It'd be very different if you were living together and settled together but it sounds like you are still teen gf and bf. Will you even still be together by the time the wedding comes around?

They've been together 7 years, why would you be assuming their split is imminent? It would be different if he changed gf every few months.

OP I'd suggest DBf says to DSis Notsure won't be able to get to the venue for the evening only so can't make it. However, if you get any spaces come up, could she come to the day too and then she can travel with me?

It's respecting it's their wedding their choice, but also making it clear why you're refusing and that you would have liked to come.

MaggieFS · 10/02/2023 19:59

Oh my days - just seen your update. You've been on holiday together! When you decline, perhaps DB can ask why you aren't invited? It won't change anything but at least you'll know.

MaggieFS · 10/02/2023 20:00

Sorry, your DP, not DB

Tillow4ever · 10/02/2023 20:01

MumOf2workOptions · 10/02/2023 19:24

This would be a big 🚩 for me and your boyfriend should have put his foot down about it and had your back and as he clearly hasn't this would concern me about how serious he actually is about you.

That aside who on earth goes on a 4hr round trip just to attend a night do? I wouldn't bother!!

@MumOf2workOptions I went on a 7 hour round trip just to go to my friends Hen Do in the evening, many years ago. So people do and will travel like that!

We've also done 4 hour round trips to visit my parents at the seaside straight from work, then home again a few hours later.

roundaboutway · 10/02/2023 20:02

I find it really rude that you haven't been invited. You've been together for 7 years and you go on holidays with them all as a family? You've known them for years and it's a 4 hour drive..! Surely they know you will travel with your partner and that you would just be sat waiting in the hotel room?
I think I could find ways to entertain myself during the day in the hotel, but I would feel really hurt to be left out. I wouldn't go if it was me.

Firsttimemum120 · 10/02/2023 20:03

Notsuregirl123 · 10/02/2023 19:18

It's quite a large scale event from what my boyfriend has said, but I feel maybe because we aren't living together/engaged or have children together just yet a lot of his family may not consider our relationship to be as "serious" as others

You’ve been together 7 years! Just because your not married and don’t have children doesn’t mean it is not serious. They are being unreasonable not you and I’d feel the exact same.

CrazyCorgi · 10/02/2023 20:06

Yeah, that’s not on. I’d feel embarrassed to ask someone to travel 4 hours and then have them wait around all day to attend only the evening. If it were me, I wouldn’t waste my time going if I was going to be alone for most of the time. That’s just me though. Do whatever feels right to you.

ShadowPuppets · 10/02/2023 20:08

The family holiday thing makes me think it’s very much a snub. I’m usually quite chilled about wedding stuff, DH went to weddings that I wasn’t invited to when we were dating for a couple of years but not living together, but in those cases it was people I’d met a handful of times at the pub. The fact you holiday together makes it clear she knows you well.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 10/02/2023 20:09

Why not just let him go alone? Weddings aren't Noah's Ark and clearly they don't see you as a close friend, regardless of the length of your relationship with your partner. Let him attend his sibling's wedding without the cloud of "But girlfriend is sitting back at the hotel alone."

Stay home, save on all the costs of travel, etc. and move on.

Who your brother invites has zero to do with what this other couple chooses to do.