Page 5 | FIL has messed up my front garden … AIBU?

Rosieposey91 · 2023-02-09T20:40:31+00:00

FIL offered to do our front garden in our new house for us. Originally I wasn’t keen on the idea as he didn’t put my son’s bedroom furniture together very well. However with the cost of living it meant to have what we really wanted would take a good couple years to afford. I agreed to him doing some pebbles and fake plants etc and already started off on the wrong foot as he went against my wish for big pebbles and got smaller ‘tacky’ looking ones. He then let us pay for the paint as we wanted a darker grey colour despite saying it was all his treat. That’s not an issue but also has asked me to order the fake plants etc so isn’t ‘really’ treating us to it. Bearing in mind these things aren’t that expensive … then today he puts in some slabs that 1) don’t match our other slabs 2) weren’t what we agreed , we agreed concrete not slabs 3) are much larger than the slabs we have so look completely odd. it was so awkward as my husband wasn’t here, so I just agreed that it would look ok when painted but inside I was thinking this looks so cheap and tacky and rushed. I’ve told my partner and thankfully he fully agrees it looks rubbish. now I’m stuck as to what to do, ask him to take the slabs up and let him carry on or just wait and save and get it done exactly how we want it. All along we have said no to him doing it and he kept insisting , I didn’t let the MIL be involved as last time she was stood on MY drive saying this will go here and we will have that there etc … they completely baby my husband but I won’t have them baby me, I’ve always been independent and my parents have let me have my own mind etc. AIBU?

Jinjinjin · 09/02/2023 21:57

Well tonight I learnt something invaluable...never mention fake plants on mumsnet 😶

Emmamoo89 · 09/02/2023 21:57

Ignore the arseholes and do what ya want 😊

SummerWinds · 09/02/2023 22:02

Anyone can just throw a packet of seeds down like poppies or marigolds, it doesn't take much. Do you have friends who enjoy gardening who could maybe give you a hand and donate a few spare plants ?

WednesdaysPlaits · 09/02/2023 22:03

Jinjinjin · 09/02/2023 21:57

Well tonight I learnt something invaluable...never mention fake plants on mumsnet 😶

Honestly if this was a high end home in Belgravia nobody would bat an eyelid. Most of the gorgeous window boxes you see are fake UV resistant plants. Some have a fake base layer and then mix in a few real items.

Johnnysgirl · 09/02/2023 22:04

WednesdaysPlaits · 09/02/2023 22:03

Honestly if this was a high end home in Belgravia nobody would bat an eyelid. Most of the gorgeous window boxes you see are fake UV resistant plants. Some have a fake base layer and then mix in a few real items.

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This is not high end.

CoorieInByTheFire · 09/02/2023 22:12

Meh, I have fake plants inside and outside on my balcony. I can’t have real ones, and I also have those plastic Ikea tiles on the floor of it.

I think it’s probably best to just live with what he’s done now, and take from it not to let him do anything else to ‘help’. You can always change what he’s done, maybe add some bigger stones and rocks to the small ones, and get someone who isn’t him to plant some chamomile in between the paving slabs to tie them into the originals. Would be very easy to swap the balls for lavender plants eventually, and all they’d need is a chop back after they’ve flowered. Live with what he’s done for a while and see what you can come up with to change it.

SilentHedges · 09/02/2023 22:12

Emmamoo89 · 09/02/2023 21:57

Ignore the arseholes and do what ya want 😊

Yes ignore all the arseholes who care about the decline of bees and pollinators because people put in fake plants, paving slabs and decking, meaning not a single living thing can survive. Never mind about birds, animals and all that annoying survival of nature crap.

TheNoodlesIncident · 09/02/2023 22:13

I think posters are being unfair to OP, it's difficult when you've moved house and you haven't got a lot of spare cash to throw around. I wouldn't blame her for wanting a low maintenance garden that looks neat and is easy to look after. I love gardening but I didn't do ANY for two years while my DS was a baby and toddler, they're just too intensive and exhausting.

It's also really frustrating when someone offers to help you out then what they do just costs you more in time, money and effort. Who needs that? Give OP a break, we all prioritise different things in a garden. And bigger pebbles are definitely better than little ones, too like a giant litter tray ime and big ones allow rainwater to drain through just as well.

Canthave2manycats · 09/02/2023 22:13

Rosieposey91 · 09/02/2023 21:51

Thanks for your kind, helpful comment. My partner has spoken to FIL and he has agreed to take the slabs up and do what we originally wanted :) yes I love real plants, at my parents they have the most beautiful garden and plants etc. I just can’t have them unfortunately x

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Could your parents help you out then? They'd clearly have the know-how to advise you which plants to choose, and maybe even plant them for you? There's plenty of very low maintenance plants out there that would only need a little water in really hot weather, and would look so much nicer?

I'm sorry but I can't stand plastic either, sorry! No matter how 'convincing' they seem to be, you can always tell they're fake! I have neighbours who have both at the front of their house and tbh they look ridiculous!!

I got a couple of box plants quite cheaply in Home Bargains last year and put them in tall planters on either side of the front door and they look great!! Only watered them a few times after planting. No work in them.

Glad you got sorted with your FIL. At least he shows willing. FIL never lifted a hand to help us; mind you he never lifted a hand to help anyone TBH!!

Airplant · 09/02/2023 22:15

WednesdaysPlaits · 09/02/2023 22:03

Honestly if this was a high end home in Belgravia nobody would bat an eyelid. Most of the gorgeous window boxes you see are fake UV resistant plants. Some have a fake base layer and then mix in a few real items.

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Most of the gorgeous window boxes you see are fake UV resistant plants.

Think you need to pop into specsavers 😂

HeckyPeck · 09/02/2023 22:15

Jux · 09/02/2023 21:56

Hi I have ms, low thyroid and a heart condition, so am stuck when it comes to physical work. I do see why you want the garden as you do.

Can I just mention that our pollinators really are buggered if we don't help them. Please do consider just having a couple of things in pots.

Rosemary - you don't have to do anything much to it at all, just pick some when you cook! Saves you buying the dried stuff at exorbitant price. Smells wonderful too!

My daughter has bought me a dwarf apple tree which lives in a pot, produces blossom, looks fab, free fruit!

Hpnestly, they are no work! I ask them how they are, say hi, sometimes tell them they're looking beautiful but I talk to everything, you don't have to!

I also live with several disabilities and I second rosemary as a really easy plant.

Lavender is really easy and lovely smelling too.

starfishmummy · 09/02/2023 22:17

Rosieposey91 · 09/02/2023 21:51

Thanks for your kind, helpful comment. My partner has spoken to FIL and he has agreed to take the slabs up and do what we originally wanted :) yes I love real plants, at my parents they have the most beautiful garden and plants etc. I just can’t have them unfortunately x

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Why don't you ask your parents for suggestions of real plants that will more or less looknafter themselves a lot better than fake balls will (because they'll need regular washing and get weather damaged, whereas plants will re grow)

Eyerollcentral · 09/02/2023 22:19

WednesdaysPlaits · 09/02/2023 22:03

Honestly if this was a high end home in Belgravia nobody would bat an eyelid. Most of the gorgeous window boxes you see are fake UV resistant plants. Some have a fake base layer and then mix in a few real items.

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I have to say I have never seen a gorgeous high end window box. They all look ok from a distance but once you get within 10 feet sorry they look fake. I am not a fan of the fake plants, the grey (it’s out) or white pebbles (reminds me of a grave) but if you like it and that’s what you asked for it’s SO annoying your FIL has messed it up. It’s incredibly frustrating when you have an idea in your head and through the misguided ‘help’ of someone else it looks like a cobbled together pastiche. It’s happened to me before and I wanted to weep but again it was an in law… I do feel for you it’s so awkward and disappointing.

ZellyFitzgerald · 09/02/2023 22:20

God, some posters on here are so bloody awful sometimes!

To answer your op rather than commenting on the fake plants (which are fine btw, ignore the snobby assholes), YANBU to not like what your FIL is doing to your garden, but you or/and your husband need to tell him.

And remember this next time he offers to help!

Eyerollcentral · 09/02/2023 22:21

*fake plant
I know you’ve been slated over the fake plants OP but all I wanted to add is some of them weather REALLY badly. I have a neighbour who went mad with them and they look dreadful now. Just to say they will need to be replaced within a couple of years anyway otherwise they look so forlorn

Comeonbarbiebrianharvey · 09/02/2023 22:26

🤭

WednesdaysPlaits · 09/02/2023 22:29

I give up. Trust me, practically every restaurant planter, window box, balcony display, hanging basket you see in high end commercial premises (and a great many residential ones) are uv resistant faux plants. They cost thousands. You’d never know because you don’t examine them closely.

They’re a world away from the fake succulent section in B&M bargains.

Anyway, good luck OP. I hope you manage to get what you want without upsetting FIL.

Eyerollcentral · 09/02/2023 22:31

WednesdaysPlaits · 09/02/2023 22:29

I give up. Trust me, practically every restaurant planter, window box, balcony display, hanging basket you see in high end commercial premises (and a great many residential ones) are uv resistant faux plants. They cost thousands. You’d never know because you don’t examine them closely.

They’re a world away from the fake succulent section in B&M bargains.

Anyway, good luck OP. I hope you manage to get what you want without upsetting FIL.

I know the ones you are talking about. You can still tell they are fake 9/10

Original poster

Rosieposey91 · 09/02/2023 22:31

TheNoodlesIncident · 09/02/2023 22:13

I think posters are being unfair to OP, it's difficult when you've moved house and you haven't got a lot of spare cash to throw around. I wouldn't blame her for wanting a low maintenance garden that looks neat and is easy to look after. I love gardening but I didn't do ANY for two years while my DS was a baby and toddler, they're just too intensive and exhausting.

It's also really frustrating when someone offers to help you out then what they do just costs you more in time, money and effort. Who needs that? Give OP a break, we all prioritise different things in a garden. And bigger pebbles are definitely better than little ones, too like a giant litter tray ime and big ones allow rainwater to drain through just as well.

Thank you! I have a baby and toddler so it can be very exhausting !!

OP posts:

Thatboymum · 09/02/2023 22:33

All the save the planet green is better, don’t eat meat hippies are out in force on this thread tonight. I can’t wait to rip all the inconvenient real green shit out my garden and Chuck down fake grass and plants. We don’t all have the time or health to be pruning bushes and pulling weeds, low maintenance gardens are a winner from me

Airplant · 09/02/2023 22:35

WednesdaysPlaits · 09/02/2023 22:29

I give up. Trust me, practically every restaurant planter, window box, balcony display, hanging basket you see in high end commercial premises (and a great many residential ones) are uv resistant faux plants. They cost thousands. You’d never know because you don’t examine them closely.

They’re a world away from the fake succulent section in B&M bargains.

Anyway, good luck OP. I hope you manage to get what you want without upsetting FIL.

As some one who specialises in botany, yes I would thanks and no fake plants never look real 😂

BrightBlueFlamingo · 09/02/2023 22:36

@Rosieposey91 'I just can't have them unfortunately '

Really??!🤔🤔🤔

Emmamoo89 · 09/02/2023 22:37

SilentHedges · 09/02/2023 22:12

Yes ignore all the arseholes who care about the decline of bees and pollinators because people put in fake plants, paving slabs and decking, meaning not a single living thing can survive. Never mind about birds, animals and all that annoying survival of nature crap.

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You can still save the planet. Some people don't have the time to properly look after things. Or for health reasons. Which she has. She can do what she likes. Get over it

IClaudine · 09/02/2023 22:39

Thatboymum · 09/02/2023 22:33

All the save the planet green is better, don’t eat meat hippies are out in force on this thread tonight. I can’t wait to rip all the inconvenient real green shit out my garden and Chuck down fake grass and plants. We don’t all have the time or health to be pruning bushes and pulling weeds, low maintenance gardens are a winner from me

Not sure you are serious, but you can have a low maintenance garden without filling it with plastic shite. You will be missing out on so much by doing this.

VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 09/02/2023 22:39

Thatboymum · 09/02/2023 22:33

All the save the planet green is better, don’t eat meat hippies are out in force on this thread tonight. I can’t wait to rip all the inconvenient real green shit out my garden and Chuck down fake grass and plants. We don’t all have the time or health to be pruning bushes and pulling weeds, low maintenance gardens are a winner from me

The sooner they ban this shit the better. please look at how much water goes into making fake grass, how it causes flooding and micro plastics to seep into our environment.

if you don’t have time for gardening that’s fine, there’s so much you can plant that are low maintenance, that don’t impact others in a negative way.
its not about saving the planet, it’s about not causing issues for others and other creatures around us.