Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

AIBU?

FIL has messed up my front garden … AIBU?

234 replies

Rosieposey91 · 09/02/2023 20:40

FIL offered to do our front garden in our new house for us. Originally I wasn’t keen on the idea as he didn’t put my son’s bedroom furniture together very well. However with the cost of living it meant to have what we really wanted would take a good couple years to afford. I agreed to him doing some pebbles and fake plants etc and already started off on the wrong foot as he went against my wish for big pebbles and got smaller ‘tacky’ looking ones. He then let us pay for the paint as we wanted a darker grey colour despite saying it was all his treat. That’s not an issue but also has asked me to order the fake plants etc so isn’t ‘really’ treating us to it. Bearing in mind these things aren’t that expensive … then today he puts in some slabs that 1) don’t match our other slabs 2) weren’t what we agreed , we agreed concrete not slabs 3) are much larger than the slabs we have so look completely odd.

it was so awkward as my husband wasn’t here, so I just agreed that it would look ok when painted but inside I was thinking this looks so cheap and tacky and rushed.

I’ve told my partner and thankfully he fully agrees it looks rubbish.

now I’m stuck as to what to do, ask him to take the slabs up and let him carry on or just wait and save and get it done exactly how we want it. All along we have said no to him doing it and he kept insisting , I didn’t let the MIL be involved as last time she was stood on MY drive saying this will go here and we will have that there etc … they completely baby my husband but I won’t have them baby me, I’ve always been independent and my parents have let me have my own mind etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Thanks

Share

Report

Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Rosieposey91 · 09/02/2023 21:17

MarshaMelrose · 09/02/2023 21:06

Is that photo what he did or from a brochure of what you'd like? I think your design sounds nice. I'd prefer slabs to concrete, though. And I like it when things don't match. It makes then look organic.
Hmmm. Send your FIL to mine. I've got tons of jobs for him to do and I've very low standards when things are free. 😄

No this is the photo of what I would like. Thanks, I like it and so does DH. We are keeping the slabs. We just want grey concrete in the gap between the slabs and drive if that even makes sense. Hard to explain without showing it. But yes we are keeping the slabs just giving them a jet wash and painting them dark grey.

OP posts:

Thanks

Creditscoredrop · 09/02/2023 21:18

Rosieposey91 · 09/02/2023 21:09

British wildlife is f*cked because of a couple topiary balls. People have got to be on the wind up 🤣🤣

Not winding you up, you are not the only person who does this, and it’s the attitude that your only one person so what does it matter that perpetuates the problem. There aren’t even any places for flowering weeds to come through offering a little bit of nectar for pollinators. Swap the fake balls for pots of lavender, low maintenance, look nice smell nice and offer a tiny bit of hope for pollinators. It would be better to let your front garden be a bit overgrown than covering it over. Especially in important in towns and cities. It’s just sad that’s all 🥲

Thanks

Applesandcarrots · 09/02/2023 21:19

Top MN accusing people of being snobbish about plastic ball plant things when OP is full of "tacky and cheap"😂

Thanks

AstroTurd · 09/02/2023 21:19

Lavender pots are a good suggestion.

Plastic gardens are a really bad idea.

Thanks

VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 09/02/2023 21:19

WednesdaysPlaits · 09/02/2023 21:12

I'll take pity on you OP. You're getting a hard time.

Thank FIL for his efforts and then once he's left, spend the weekend tweaking what his done so that its more in line with what you had in mind. He probably won't even notice, especially if you add to what he did.

I've just spent £400 on fake plants. I have a large house with large planters at first floor level on a north facing aspect in a hard to reach area. They have their place. I also have fake trees in the house . Practically all plants you see in window boxes, planters etc in high end commercial premises are fake.

there are nearly always choices. Our climate change does make things tricky due to the need to water, but there are all sorts of gadgets now.

north facing, ferns would probably do well as well as some alpine plants.

Thanks

LubaLuca · 09/02/2023 21:20

'Garden' is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. You have a wipe-clean exterior.

Thanks

TheShellBeach · 09/02/2023 21:20

Just waiting to see who's first to suggest this post would be better on Netmums.

Thanks

Huns2Getha4Eva · 09/02/2023 21:20

i think it sound's lovely.

Thanks

catmg · 09/02/2023 21:21

It's not snobbery to say fake plants/topiary balls/ AstroTurf are poor choices - they are so so bad for the environment!

To answer your question regardless of your design choices though: YABU. You knew you wouldn't get what you wanted, to the standard you wanted, but you decided to press on regardless and let your FIL do the work. Surely his favour was to do the actual work though, not to pay for all your items?

Thanks

VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 09/02/2023 21:21

The lavender and grasses are a great suggestion

Thanks

Vallmo47 · 09/02/2023 21:22

The picture you posted looks lovely Op. I’m sorry your FIL hasn’t done what you wanted. Seeing as your partner agreed it looks tacky, my advice would be to let him take the brunt of this. I’d completely let him deal with his dad and learn from this to never tell your FIL of any future plans. As far as cost goes, maybe your FIL underestimated how much it would cost and he genuinely couldn’t afford it. Either way, just forgive him… life is too short. The thought was kind but yeah, it didn’t go as planned. Just pay to have it done how you like it and if your FIL ever approaches you on subject just say “Talk to your son about it please”.

Thanks

WednesdaysPlaits · 09/02/2023 21:22

TheShellBeach · 09/02/2023 21:16

Practically all plants you see in window boxes, planters etc in high end commercial premises are fake.

Very likely. That doesn't make it all right though.

But "right" doesn't come into it. There is no law against plastic topiary balls. This isn't a thread about the morality of having fake topiary balls. Quite frankly it's nonsense anyway. Those plastic topiary balls are going to do no more damage in terms of leeching plastics into the ground than some plastic patio furniture or plastic plant pots or a plastic paddling pool. Its virtue signalling nonsense. And I say this as someone who is a keen gardener and also spends a lot of time trying to do my bit to take care of the environment.

Thanks

silverclock222 · 09/02/2023 21:24

YABU for having fake anything and even worse painting things grey - pretty much the definition of tacky.............

Thanks

Tempone · 09/02/2023 21:25

Mrs hinch? That you?

Thanks

viques · 09/02/2023 21:26

Rosieposey91 · 09/02/2023 20:51

Yes we want a Resin drive eventually , I haven’t explained it very well but no one is actually answering my question :(

we have a driveway but the path to my door we are having done. Not the full driveway. So some pebbles/slates where the mud is next to the pathway. With a few topiary balls and floor lights and then some decking around this. Painting the slabs a dark grey and making the most of it until we can afford Resin.

it looks better than it sounds, well it would if FIL didn’t go against our wishes

Sounds like a haven for wildlife.

not

Thanks

IvysMum12 · 09/02/2023 21:28

Rosie, you are not at all unreasonable.
Your Fil sounds quite exasperating.
Leave the garden as it is until you're ready to change it, if that is what you wish.
Enjoy your lovely baby, and take no notice of the witches on here clacking their broomsticks.

Thanks

Rosieposey91 · 09/02/2023 21:29

Huns2Getha4Eva · 09/02/2023 21:20

i think it sound's lovely.

Thank you !!

OP posts:

Thanks

pictoosh · 09/02/2023 21:30

Why the bloody hell has your dh not said, "Dad, stop guffing up the garden will you?"

Why is this being left to you to deal with?

Thanks

Rosieposey91 · 09/02/2023 21:31

IvysMum12 · 09/02/2023 21:28

Rosie, you are not at all unreasonable.
Your Fil sounds quite exasperating.
Leave the garden as it is until you're ready to change it, if that is what you wish.
Enjoy your lovely baby, and take no notice of the witches on here clacking their broomsticks.

Thank you so much. PS Ivy was my name for a girl beautiful name :)

OP posts:

Thanks

Clarefromwork · 09/02/2023 21:32

Ooo could I join your I have fake grass club and be told how bad it is for the environment by people who most likely drive around in a car, buy single use non recyclable items, buy imported products and all the other things that are bad for the environment too?

Thanks

Summerfun54321 · 09/02/2023 21:32

Paint, pebbles, concrete, plastic plants, AstroTurf. Even if you got Alan Titchmarsh to do your garden it would look cheap and naff. You're looking at garden examples in photos and but in real life, fake always looks awful because humans are designed to enjoy nature not plastic.

Thanks

Rosieposey91 · 09/02/2023 21:33

pictoosh · 09/02/2023 21:30

Why the bloody hell has your dh not said, "Dad, stop guffing up the garden will you?"

Why is this being left to you to deal with?

Yep. My husband for some reason doesn’t know how to speak up to his parents! I think he has been brought up to be seen and not heard and it is quite sad he always wants to please them … they are very controlling. I’m trying to help him with that but he needs to stand up for himself and for me as another thing that happens is his parents come to me to make plans because he will just ignore them rather than have to say no etc. it’s draining. But that’s another issue.

OP posts:

Thanks

RedToothBrush · 09/02/2023 21:35

YABU.

You wanted free fake shit for a garden. And wonder why it looks shit and are surprised its costing you money.

You could have got low/no maintence plants and grasses which wouldn't need much work. They do exist. Ironically you'll still need to maintain stones - they'll need weeding eventually. If you did it with natural alternatives it would actually hide more sins! A neighbour of mine tried to do this on the cheap during lockdown and its turned into an utter disaster which shes not redoing.

And yes, your single garden is absoluetely a problem due to the number of other people who do the same. It means there is less places for bugs and insects and for plants to remove toxins from the air. The culmilative effect is a big deal.

Thanks

Johnnysgirl · 09/02/2023 21:35

Clarefromwork · 09/02/2023 21:32

Ooo could I join your I have fake grass club and be told how bad it is for the environment by people who most likely drive around in a car, buy single use non recyclable items, buy imported products and all the other things that are bad for the environment too?

What relevance does "I'll bet they drive a car" have? 😵‍💫
Most people drive cars, even if op doesn't drive (and she probably does) it won't mitigate the environmental effect of sheeting her garden in plastic and concrete.

Thanks

StripeyDeckchair · 09/02/2023 21:36

YABU for having fake plants in the garden.

If you didn't want him to do it you should have said NO & not let him do anything

Thanks

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.