Page 10 | Just want to say, I LOVE being single.

theoldcatsmells · 2023-02-09T17:30:00+00:00

I'm 41. I spent my entire life chasing men, hoping they would want me, hoping they would validate me. I'm ashamed of myself. It got me in so much trouble. Wasting my life being loyal to a divvy. Then a totally abusive and controlling relationship which is still threatening to ruin my life. But…. I look back on my life and realise that every single best period was when I was single. Answering to no one. Having proper alone time. Watching what I want and doing what I want. Also flirting, and the excitement of knowing I can flirt with anyone and speak to anyone. I've been listening to this podcast called Alonenemt and it’s really fun. I just have literally no need for a man, for validation. Now of course a decent loving partner is a thing to be cherished, I've never had it! Well I have but I was so young I found it boring. Maybe there's something wrong with me but I just want to say I am overjoyed at being single and finally it’s a relief to realise it. To realise that that’s what my happiness is. Can you share things you enjoy listening to about single life? Can you share why you love being single? I just feel elated about it.

Thesharkradar · 10/02/2023 18:44

Labelled as a spinster, loner or weirdo
all these words are just code for 'a woman who refuses to subordinate herself to a man'!

EmmaEmerald · 10/02/2023 18:45

Thesharkradar · 10/02/2023 18:14

that's pretty much what men do when they are IN a relationship ....isn't it

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Never having lived with anyone, I have no absolutely no idea. Smug single moment. sorry, not sorry!

Mabelface · 10/02/2023 19:46

SilentNightDancer · 09/02/2023 20:38

Interesting thread.

I do have a question for those of you with sons - do you think your son would one day enrich the life of a future partner? Or do you think that women would be better off alone than in a relationship with your son?

Who knows? One of my sons is single by choice as he's focused on work, saving and buying his own place. My other two sons could enhance the life of future partners, or they may not. I've brought them up to be kind, empathetic men and that's good enough for me.

Oh and those who've said that it's about not meeting the right men are wrong. My ex partners and ex husband were lovely men, but they were the right men for a time, not for life. I'm open to a future relationship, but I'll never cohabit or marry again.

Metabigot · 10/02/2023 19:51

EmmaEmerald · 10/02/2023 17:47

Metabigot "It's not a whose life is better competition. Weird thread to say I LOVE being single... who cares? Why the need to shout it out, and shout down anyone saying they are happy coupled up. Just crack on. I LOVE bread and butter pudding but ain't gonna start a thread on it."

I'm not a fan, but I totally understand if someone starts a thread on that. We had a thread about macaroni cheese the other day!

I have seen a lot of threads with people saying "tell us what you love about your partner". So what's wrong with this one? It's all good. You have the bread and butter pudding, I'll have chocolate ice cream. Everyone's a winner!

Amen to that. Just don't bring the spotted dick...

LikeAStar1994 · 10/02/2023 21:27

It's bloody marvellous isn't it? No drama, sadness or heartbreak. No answering to anyone, being able to do your own thing as much and often as you like and any money you have is all yours.

Ahhhhhh!

xJoy · 11/02/2023 08:24

I agree I love the equilibrium of no mcrelationships that always end. I used to be nuts putting myself through so much searching, disrespect and rejection

QueefQueen80s · 11/02/2023 08:45

I don't feel judged, I feel like people look at me in wonder while they're trapped in stale relationships with shitty men but can't bring themselves to end it.

I get some single men coming onto me but it's mostly married men, friends partners.. they are so brazen with it. It's opened my eyes.
I'm so glad I don't have to worry about a cheating man or even just one with wandering eyes, I hate it. I never have anyone making me feel insecure now.

Cotonsugar · 11/02/2023 08:50

Metabigot · 10/02/2023 16:02

That's absolutely not my experience of being married.
I do all these things whilst married... we have a very independent marriage but it seems to work.

Not Knocking the happy single thing but just not fan of all the things people say you can't do/ have to do in a partnership. I've always been fiercely independent and this was part of our wedding reading, about not lsing our independence, from gibrans 'the prophet ' if anyone wants to know.

Again don't slag me off for daring to say that you can be happy and married. Each yo their own. So long as you're happy I don't gaf if your married single of whatever.

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I would never slag anyone off. I was married for 25 years, mostly happy and I could do anything I wanted. Still friends with my ex husband who is a lovely man. I chose a different life after our children were grown up and was just stating all the things I enjoy about being on my own. My ex had a habit of always wanting to know what was going on, that’s all, no malice in it, and me being an introvert found it exhausting. Just needed a peaceful life going forward. Happy for people who want to be in a partnership but not for me anymore 😊

JamSandle · 11/02/2023 11:26

QueefQueen80s · 11/02/2023 08:45

I don't feel judged, I feel like people look at me in wonder while they're trapped in stale relationships with shitty men but can't bring themselves to end it.

I get some single men coming onto me but it's mostly married men, friends partners.. they are so brazen with it. It's opened my eyes.
I'm so glad I don't have to worry about a cheating man or even just one with wandering eyes, I hate it. I never have anyone making me feel insecure now.

Gosh yes. Two of my friends husband have made passes at me. I've never told them as didn't really know how. But I always look at their marriages and remember.

LexMitior · 11/02/2023 11:54

Being hit on by husbands is very common. A significant minority of married men are pretty sleazy!

Nimbostratus100 · 11/02/2023 11:55

I have always loved being single and have never wanted anything else

Twentywisteria · 11/02/2023 11:57

QueefQueen80s · 11/02/2023 08:45

I don't feel judged, I feel like people look at me in wonder while they're trapped in stale relationships with shitty men but can't bring themselves to end it.

I get some single men coming onto me but it's mostly married men, friends partners.. they are so brazen with it. It's opened my eyes.
I'm so glad I don't have to worry about a cheating man or even just one with wandering eyes, I hate it. I never have anyone making me feel insecure now.

I was talking to a guy casually for a year before I found out he was engaged.

Women in relationships really have no idea what goes on.

QueefQueen80s · 11/02/2023 11:59

@JamSandle Same, I haven't said anything as don't want to ruin the friendships as women will mainly stick with their partners and see me as a tempting harlot (I in no way am) when its the MANS FUCKING FAULT. Sorry I just think it's so unfair 😆 I haven't done anything wrong! Anyway I just give the men a wide berth and don't engage much.

Wonderpoo · 11/02/2023 12:07

@Metabigot when I was married (for 20+ years) I’d vehemently argue that we were independent and totally free in our choices. Which we kind of were. Shamefully I might also have posted something like you (but less angry) on a thread about women being single.

Because deep down I wasn’t happy.

My husband was lovely. But I wasn’t happy. Now I’m divorced I am so happy being single. Happier than I’ve ever been. And everyone around me notices. I’m doing better at work. Everything has improved.

if something makes you angry it is worth getting to the root of why. You only have one life

arethereanyleftatall · 11/02/2023 12:18

This question I get asked often is very strange..'how are you single? You are so - insert amazing attribute here - '
' CHOICE you utter bellend'

DaveyJonesLocker · 11/02/2023 12:20

Me too!
I left abusive DH and it's fucking glorious!

Now I understand why everyone is always "LTB" when someone is complaining about their DH because seriously guys, ditch the dead weights. I can't imagine ever wanting to live with a man again

arethereanyleftatall · 11/02/2023 12:21

Wonderpoo · 11/02/2023 12:07

@Metabigot when I was married (for 20+ years) I’d vehemently argue that we were independent and totally free in our choices. Which we kind of were. Shamefully I might also have posted something like you (but less angry) on a thread about women being single.

Because deep down I wasn’t happy.

My husband was lovely. But I wasn’t happy. Now I’m divorced I am so happy being single. Happier than I’ve ever been. And everyone around me notices. I’m doing better at work. Everything has improved.

if something makes you angry it is worth getting to the root of why. You only have one life

Absolutely and utterly this!! Me too, wonderpoo, me too.

BigFatLiar · 11/02/2023 12:39

Staying single seems to be on the increase. Several of our daughters friends (both male and female) have no interest in finding partners. Most of them are uni friends and if there are functions with a plus one can usually find one of the other singletons to join them.

Similarly our friends have their children at home. They're late 20s/early 30s. They pay all the household bills and their parents don't have a mortgage so suits them all. Again no plans to seek a partner, they get on well and seem content with things the way they are.

Thesharkradar · 11/02/2023 12:55

I think it's because women are realising they don't have to put up with bad behaviour from men now that they can earn their own money, live life for themselves rather than sacrifice it to a husband and children
Men, seeing that women are no longer willing to put up with being subservient do not want to be in a relationship where they can't be the boss

BabyOnBoard90 · 11/02/2023 13:26

The same day this thread was made a woman made a post about how much she loves her husband and it got reported and deleted.

It's strange what gets supported and what gets taken down. Allegations that this topic has become a man hating forum are becoming substantiated.

SallyWD · 11/02/2023 13:32

I'm happily married but also know I'd be very happy single. I absolutely love being alone and pleasing only myself. Good for you OP!

arethereanyleftatall · 11/02/2023 13:42

@BabyOnBoard90
I didn't see that thread, but man-hating is kinda the whole point of this, and, in my experience, it is completely valid.
In the not too distant past, women had to get married, they had to - financially, societal expectations etc. The men didn't need to be likeable, and often weren't. Now women have choices. The lucky ones amongst us don't have to marry men (or any kind of relationship with) who aren't very nice. Society is, very very slowly, ticking over to see that a single women can be a very valid choice. Some still havent realised this. Threads like this are vital in getting the message through to people who are still stuck in the 'must be in a relationship to be successful/happy' mantra.

BabyOnBoard90 · 11/02/2023 13:45

arethereanyleftatall · 11/02/2023 13:42

@BabyOnBoard90
I didn't see that thread, but man-hating is kinda the whole point of this, and, in my experience, it is completely valid.
In the not too distant past, women had to get married, they had to - financially, societal expectations etc. The men didn't need to be likeable, and often weren't. Now women have choices. The lucky ones amongst us don't have to marry men (or any kind of relationship with) who aren't very nice. Society is, very very slowly, ticking over to see that a single women can be a very valid choice. Some still havent realised this. Threads like this are vital in getting the message through to people who are still stuck in the 'must be in a relationship to be successful/happy' mantra.

Sounds forced and contrived to me, but sure whatever makes you all happy

Thesharkradar · 11/02/2023 13:59

arethereanyleftatall · 11/02/2023 13:42

@BabyOnBoard90
I didn't see that thread, but man-hating is kinda the whole point of this, and, in my experience, it is completely valid.
In the not too distant past, women had to get married, they had to - financially, societal expectations etc. The men didn't need to be likeable, and often weren't. Now women have choices. The lucky ones amongst us don't have to marry men (or any kind of relationship with) who aren't very nice. Society is, very very slowly, ticking over to see that a single women can be a very valid choice. Some still havent realised this. Threads like this are vital in getting the message through to people who are still stuck in the 'must be in a relationship to be successful/happy' mantra.

I agree, men have been able to get away with bad behaviour but now things are changing, understandably they want to cling onto their advantage and they want to see themselves as inherently superior to women, but they aren't.... it's just that when society is more 'primitive' it's easier for men to get the upper hand.
Times change and they no longer have that advantage and yet they still try to press the advantage that they want to believe they still have....
Of course this is to no avail, just making life harder for themselves and leaving themselves out on a limb.

Over40Overdating · 11/02/2023 14:09

@BabyOnBoard90 being single makes us happy! As you’ve read and then come to accuse us of being manhaters for.

I don’t hate men. I hate that people tell me I can’t really be happy without one. That my life is only real if it’s shared with one.

If you find joy in being married to one, good for you. But we don’t all have to live like you. The fact you seem angry with that and have jumped immediately to ‘ugh manhaters’ isn’t going to convince us either!

No one on here is trying to covert happily married women to single hood. Yet unhappily married women seems desperate to tell us we should do what they do. Maybe have a think about why it upsets you.