Page 9 | To feel unsafe as a woman nearly all the time

mammatilly · 2023-02-09T13:54:47+00:00

I feel unsafe walking in rural areas I feel unsafe walking at dusk/night I feel unsafe home alone I feel unsafe driving alone I feel unsafe around male police officers I feel unsafe around men Our justice system is completely failing women in rape and domestic violence cases and is giving green light to men who wish to act violently This patriarchal society is creating an Afghanistan style life for many women

sendbobs · 09/02/2023 20:00

I'm sure it's been done to death 200 posts in but I really can't hide my outrage. For you or anyone else, no: (white) women in liberal western countries are not comparable to women oppressed at the mercy of a terrorist group in the Middle East.

Seen this sort of thing before using FGM to bolster people's points. Disgraceful.

ConcordeOoter · 09/02/2023 20:07

Boys growing up with pornography from a young age, combined with people sowing division and disrespect between the sexes, people voting for things that enable rape without consequence, police forces basically behaving like it's their job to shelter and cover up for misogynists and rapists and paedophiles and ignore women unless they say the mean things about rapists on Twitter.

YANBU to observe these things

YABU to live in fear, though. Move somewhere better or start ignoring whoever is winding you up into a state of terror.

Live in peace, be righteously angry and help fix it. Don't live in fear and see rapists behind every bush.

notacooldad · 09/02/2023 20:18

DeidreData · 09/02/2023 19:31

The places the OP mentions: walking in rural areas, walking at dusk/night, being home alone, driving alone, being around men. Too many women have a traumatic history that mean those options might not be open to them, but if we don’t, it’s generally beneficial to face those fears and see them as exaggerated in the main.

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I see I thought you meant additional places.
At night time there are places I wont go even with Dh.

4thonthe4th · 09/02/2023 20:19

FatSealSmugSoup · 09/02/2023 19:54

But we should be able to behave like utter clowns without being at risk. It’s not up to us to manage the behaviour of men.

What if the people she is arguing with are scared of her? Is it ok for her to be aggressive and argumentative because she’s a woman? If a man came on about being put in the back of a police car and arguing with members of both sexes I’m sure you’d have a different opinion!

RedAndBlueStripedGolfingUmbrella · 09/02/2023 20:21

sendbobs · 09/02/2023 20:00

I'm sure it's been done to death 200 posts in but I really can't hide my outrage. For you or anyone else, no: (white) women in liberal western countries are not comparable to women oppressed at the mercy of a terrorist group in the Middle East.

Seen this sort of thing before using FGM to bolster people's points. Disgraceful.

Well said

jannier · 09/02/2023 20:26

AllOfThemWitches · 09/02/2023 14:46

I don't even know if I agree that most men are decent but most of them don't hurt people regardless.

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That's a very sexist statement unless you believe most people woman included are not decent

ConcordeOoter · 09/02/2023 20:29

jannier · 09/02/2023 20:26

That's a very sexist statement unless you believe most people woman included are not decent

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"I don't know if I agree most are decent" isn't "I believe most are not decent", though.

DesertIslandCondiment · 09/02/2023 20:44

AllOfThemWitches · 09/02/2023 14:46

I don't even know if I agree that most men are decent but most of them don't hurt people regardless.

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Am I reading this correctly? You don't think most men are decent?

Have you no males in your life that you have a nice relationship with? I like most men, I know some really lovely men.

garlictwist · 09/02/2023 20:46

I'm sorry but I disagree. I don't feel unsafe doing any of those things. The chances of anything happening to you when out and about alone are staggeringly small.

BigFatLiar · 09/02/2023 20:53

But we should be able to behave like utter clowns without being at risk. It’s not up to us to manage the behaviour of men.

Really? A lot of the obnoxious behaviour around here is young women. On one occasion several drunk women after a night out decided the perfect end to the evening was to urinate on a rough sleeper (what fun!). The police simply moved them on and sent them home as they were just young women who'd had a bit to much. (Someone sent a recording of the incident to the local paper who reported it).

Drunken fighting, screaming and violence these days seems to be the domain of the girls nowadays. One of the reason we avoid the town centre now.

LaughingCat · 09/02/2023 20:58

No, I don’t feel unsafe but I’m so very sorry that you do. I solo run for 2-3 days straight through some of the most remote countryside, catching a few hours of sleep under hedges, I walk alone in inner-city areas or down unlit canal paths at night, I cherish the times I have the house to myself, I drive alone pretty much everywhere, I feel safe around the police, regardless of gender and have no issue with men specifically (I have an issue with predators or idiots of any gender though).

I really am sorry that you do feel unsafe to the point that you curtail your life, OP. That you let the threat of the few define you and your actions. That’s really…sad.

PeanutButterSmoothie · 09/02/2023 21:34

BigFatLiar · 09/02/2023 20:53

But we should be able to behave like utter clowns without being at risk. It’s not up to us to manage the behaviour of men.

Really? A lot of the obnoxious behaviour around here is young women. On one occasion several drunk women after a night out decided the perfect end to the evening was to urinate on a rough sleeper (what fun!). The police simply moved them on and sent them home as they were just young women who'd had a bit to much. (Someone sent a recording of the incident to the local paper who reported it).

Drunken fighting, screaming and violence these days seems to be the domain of the girls nowadays. One of the reason we avoid the town centre now.

I'm sure I read an article a couple years back stating that female violence had tripled in the previous decade. Maybe because they know they're less likely to be arrested than rowdy blokes.

VestaTilley · 09/02/2023 21:35

It’s not remotely like Afghanistan - YABVU to say that.

But, I feel unsafe too. A lot.

Intransigentcat · 09/02/2023 22:01

There have been a spate of violent stranger rapes frighteningly close to where I work over the last several years.

The timing of the attacks has varied greatly, last year one was on an early summers evening merely yards from homes. The woman in question was with her children and managed to get away.

The latest was at 4am and she didn't escape. The response of some of the men I work with? What was she doing out at that time? The victim was expected to be the one curtailing her life. Nevermind that they all have hilarious stories about being horrifically drunk and doing silly things themselves at all hours, whereas this woman may have just been on her way home from a night shift.

They all react angrily to the idea of a curfew for men, but are somehow blind to the fact that that is exactly what they all expect of women. It was literally their first reaction.

So OP, whilst some people may find your mention of Afghanistan distasteful, but I can understand the resonance. The women there are living in horrid circumstances far far worse than ours, circumstances that are difficult to even comprehend, they are treated as less that human. But make no mistake the same misogyny exists here, it's just far more subtle.

PeanutButterSmoothie · 09/02/2023 22:26

I've never had a man suggest that I should adhere to a curfew.

4thonthe4th · 09/02/2023 22:33

Intransigentcat · 09/02/2023 22:01

There have been a spate of violent stranger rapes frighteningly close to where I work over the last several years.

The timing of the attacks has varied greatly, last year one was on an early summers evening merely yards from homes. The woman in question was with her children and managed to get away.

The latest was at 4am and she didn't escape. The response of some of the men I work with? What was she doing out at that time? The victim was expected to be the one curtailing her life. Nevermind that they all have hilarious stories about being horrifically drunk and doing silly things themselves at all hours, whereas this woman may have just been on her way home from a night shift.

They all react angrily to the idea of a curfew for men, but are somehow blind to the fact that that is exactly what they all expect of women. It was literally their first reaction.

So OP, whilst some people may find your mention of Afghanistan distasteful, but I can understand the resonance. The women there are living in horrid circumstances far far worse than ours, circumstances that are difficult to even comprehend, they are treated as less that human. But make no mistake the same misogyny exists here, it's just far more subtle.

By “far more subtle” do you mean;
being allowed out of the house without a man, being allowed an education, being allowed a career, being allowed to visit the GP / nurse alone, being allowed to dress as you choose, being allowed to choose how many children you have, being allowed to choose where you live, being allowed to choose who you marry, being along to choose who you have sex with, being allowed to send your daughter to school, being allowed to listen to music, being allowed to watch tv, being allowed to buy from a male shopkeeper, bring allowed to show your ankles without being physically and publicly punished, being allowed to wear makeup, being allowed to play sports.

All of the above? Or just a few?

comparing the uk to how Afghan women have to live is fucking disgusting. Get a grip.

SilentHedges · 09/02/2023 22:41

TrollMunter · 09/02/2023 14:05

I think most women adapt their behaviour in a way men do not and are probably unaware of it. Hence the hostile replies.

I agree. Which is why, for example, I'm not going for a solo run / mountain bike ride at night through the woods. I'd love to though. I've not something I've discussed with myself why not, in fact it's not even crossed my mind as something I'd like to do, because all women subconsciously make decisions to not do certain things. All day. Every day. @TrollMunter

Eyerollcentral · 09/02/2023 22:42

@Intransigentcat ’So OP, whilst some people may find your mention of Afghanistan distasteful, but I can understand the resonance. The women there are living in horrid circumstances far far worse than ours, circumstances that are difficult to even comprehend, they are treated as less that human. But make no mistake the same misogyny exists here, it's just far more subtle’. No, there is absolutely zero resonance from the diminished and terrifying lives that women in Afghanistan live and the life anyone in the UK lives. Misogyny is real. Saying it is far more subtle in the UK is the biggest understatement I have ever heard. Don’t compare the lives of women here or anywhere in Western Europe to being a woman in Afghanistan. Have a word with yourself.

Fuckityfuckfuck123 · 09/02/2023 22:47

I find that I'm increasingly more aware of how unsafe we could potentially be, however we have to be aware that it is not all, or even most men we are at risk from.

PeanutButterSmoothie · 09/02/2023 22:52

Tbh, I'd probs get a taser/CS gas or carry a knife before I'd give up my freedom. If it came to the stage where I needed to use it the last thing I'd be worried about was the legality of having it on me.

L1ttledrummergirl · 10/02/2023 00:01

I don't walk in the hills behind my house at night because I'm afraid I might trip and break an ankle. I'm much more likely to do that than be attacked by a random male.

I take basic precautions when on my own- carry my keys between my fingers pointing out, use a torch, park the car under streetlights where possible, notice people around me. If in a pub, I cover my drink with my hand and don't leave it unattended (giving had one spiked when in my teens), make sure I know how I'm getting home before I leave the house, etc.

I've encouraged all my dc to do the same (both sexes).

I'm not afraid to walk by myself (this has saved me on at least one occasion when an old acquaintance who was later found to be a serial rapist offered to walk me to my car on a night out with friends).

Self defence lessons can be amazing for tackling the fear.

Pinball2023 · 10/02/2023 01:40

Yanbu except female police can be equally as nasty, if not more sometimes.

AllOfThemWitches · 10/02/2023 08:24

DesertIslandCondiment · 09/02/2023 17:59

I think that was aimed at me.

Do you suggest women should not live with a man because there are s few dangerous ones out there? The good ones are good human beings who are as caring as us.

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If you feel terrified of men, like OP, then yes, I'm suggesting you don't live with one. You can't know for certain he's 'one of the good ones' and statistically, he is more likely to harm you than any other man.

AllOfThemWitches · 10/02/2023 08:25

Pinball2023 · 10/02/2023 01:40

Yanbu except female police can be equally as nasty, if not more sometimes.

They're not rapists though.

AllOfThemWitches · 10/02/2023 08:26

DesertIslandCondiment · 09/02/2023 20:44

Am I reading this correctly? You don't think most men are decent?

Have you no males in your life that you have a nice relationship with? I like most men, I know some really lovely men.

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I think you're kidding yourself, tbh.