To feel unsafe as a woman nearly all the time

[mammatilly]

I feel unsafe walking in rural areas
I feel unsafe walking at dusk/night
I feel unsafe home alone
I feel unsafe driving alone
I feel unsafe around male police officers
I feel unsafe around men

Our justice system is completely failing women in rape and domestic violence cases and is giving green light to men who wish to act violently

This patriarchal society is creating an Afghanistan style life for many women

Either you live in a dire, crime ridden area (where you’d be unsafe as a male as well) and/or you need help for paranoia.

Does OP have any concept of what an Afghanistan style life would be I wonder? Mind you at least in that situation she wouldn’t be walking alone at any time of night or day, wouldn’t be driving alone because she wouldn’t be allowed to and certainly wouldn’t be left home alone either. Maybe that would be preferable for her.

Lots of very silly comments on this thread. Can people please stop telling posters to see GPs "about their anxiety". Assuming you can even get to see or speak to a GP they are not qualified in mental health and will have to refer you into the blackhole that is NHS mental healthcare. So stop it.

The comment about it being outrageous that there is a comparison ;between white women and Afghan women does not belong on this thread. This is about male privilege, not white privilege (although Black women may feel more at risk from male police officers than white women do). As for the wider comparison, it is overblown, but it is on the same continuum - women are put down by men and while what is happening in Afghanistan is close to as bad as it gets, we do suffer limits on our lives in the UK.

I disagree that other European countries are safer for women, other than perhaps the Nordic countries.

There are places I avoid walking alone, and I always think that we will have true equality when I can go running on my own in certain areas and in the dark in the same way that a man could. I am not sure why you'd be scared in your own home, or your own car, and I think delivery drivers are too busy to stop and rape female parcel recipients, so I think being anxious about any of those things is over the top.

I also agree that all these frightened women seem quite happy to live with semi-strange men and have kids with them and introduce their own kids to them. You are worried about the wrong thing - when you hear about bad things happening to kids it is almost always step-dads and boyfriends (the Epsom College incident aside).

Well no, since rape is penetration by penis, but rape isn't the only terrible thing that can be done to women. I think that's what pp meant

Agreed.

There has been so much in the media recently about women being killed by partners or raped by police officers and so many instances of domestic violence and emotional abuse being discussed on these boards.

I had an abusive father and was assaulted by a long term male ''friend'' and I have lost any kind of trust in men in general.

I think our society still see women and girls' lives as less important than men's and women's bodies as commodities that men can use as they wish, until that changes we will never be truly safe.

I think the women who are telling you you are unreasonable are:

• a little bit naive to think that there aren't quite a few men out there who have no respect whatsoever for women and who will happily hurt them
• that because we are a Western society this is not so much of an issue.

I think anyone who has had experience of men's violence knows that there is a massive issue with male toxic behaviour.

Yes of course not all men behave in this way but a large enough number do. And as we saw with the police officers they are often allowed to abuse their power for years before anything is done.

@liselotte

The comment about it being outrageous that there is a comparison ;between white women and Afghan women does not belong on this thread. This is about male privilege, not white privilege

? Most Afghans are actually “white”. The majority ethnicities are the Pashtuns, Tajiks, Uzbeks and Hazara who are all white. They tend to have black/brown hair, light skin, and all the same eye colours as Northern Europeans/Asians- blue, green, grey, brown. As they live at high altitudes, they often are tan/sun weathered similar to Americans living in the Rocky Mtn states.

It was never a discussion about “white privilege” but rather the fact that if the OP truly thinks we live like our sisters in Afghanistan, she is not thinking clearly because there is quite literally no comparison between a British woman’s life and an Afghan woman’s life under the Taliban.

Hierarchy of whitness. Runs through europe and beyond. Some people are just not "white enough" for people to be considered same as them

Have you any males in your life that you have a nice relationship with?

There’s no point. She can’t hear herself.

Women are sooooo afraid of men. Terrified of men in fact! Except of the men who are statistically most likely to hurt them.

It’s just a feminist wrapper around an anxiety disorder.

Exactly. Who wanders around empty car parks at night anyway? Men get mugged all the time.

Oh you live in the countryside? Ever heard of county lines? Or drink driving? I’m pretty sure the giant Audi that nearly killed me hurtling down a country lane at 7pm last week didn’t know I was a woman.

I feel very sorry for you living in such fear. This is not my experience at all.

Of course but im not a mug.

So women who trust their DH completely and are not wary of their work colleagues are mugs?

I know some men who I wouldn't trust and I'm weary off but these are not the men I choose to spend time alone with.

Rarely do. Would avoid an alley or dark deserted places. So yes it’s annoying that most women don’t feel safe taking a short cut. Even though they’re very unlikely to be accosted the fear is strong there. But absolutely not to the OP’s levels

I live in a rural, unlit area and am often home alone and I never feel unsafe. I certainly don't feel unsafe driving around or around police officers. There may be some bad apples out there but they are not lurking on every street corner or behind every tree.

There are definitely times I feel unsafe (walking alone in the dark, for example) but the majority of the time it’s fine. Do you suffer from anxiety?

Yes I get it. I don't walk in areas that are isolated at any time of the day. I go where there are lots of other dog walkers when out walking my dog. I mix up my walking routes and timings deliberately.

@MarieRoseMarie
It’s just a feminist wrapper around an anxiety disorder.

I see this too often imho.

So women who trust their DH completely and are not wary of their work colleagues are mugs?

Bear in mind that many women who are harmed by their partners will have, at one point, trusted them completely. Life is full of risks, we choose which ones to take.

I do know this but I don't class living with my DH as a risk or living with my teenage DS.

I had an abusive relationship when I was younger.

I don't know what life experiences you've had to think the way you do. Yes, some woman are harmed by their male partners but I'm very confident I'm safe in my living arrangements.

This is it.

Good for you! It's not really about my personal experiences but about facts and statistics. :)

This patriarchal society is creating an Afghanistan style life for many women

This is easily, the most ridiculous thing I've ever read on Mumsnet

Yep, peak Mumsnet 😁

Yabu. I feel very safe as a woman. In fact my sister felt safer as a woman in a port city to her boyfriend.