To feel unsafe as a woman nearly all the time

[mammatilly]

I feel unsafe walking in rural areas
I feel unsafe walking at dusk/night
I feel unsafe home alone
I feel unsafe driving alone
I feel unsafe around male police officers
I feel unsafe around men

Our justice system is completely failing women in rape and domestic violence cases and is giving green light to men who wish to act violently

This patriarchal society is creating an Afghanistan style life for many women

I agree that male violence is out of control and it's escalating

This is incorrect.

Per ONS “This follows long term falls in CSEW violence from a peak of 4.5 million offences in the year ending December 1995 to 1.2 million offences in the year ending March 2020, a 72% decrease.”
www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/thenatureofviolentcrimeinenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2022

1995 population was 58m
2022 population was 68m

So it’s dropped from 1 violent crime per 13m people to 1 violent crime per 57m people, or a drop of over 80% in violent crime once adjusted to a per capita basis.

Oops 1m violent crimes per 13m people and 1m violent crimes per 57m people,

( my alarm went off to get going and I panic posted the last sentence. )

There is a lot going on in this thread and I'm not going to address all of the issues but I do feel qualified to comment on the current treatment of domestic violence victims in the UK.
My ex husband is currently on remand due to a serious incident last June and is on trial next week.
The support I have been given by the police officers and the CPS, the DV support team, the witness support service and my own solicitor (a mix of men and woman) have been outstanding.
I understand that I may have been very very lucky and this is not everyone's experience, but it can work and the support is there if women know how and where to ask for it.

I don’t feel unsafe in any of those situations and don’t feel any less safe than I did 40 years ago when I was 18. I don’t do anything different to my husband from a safety point of view.
My thirty year old daughter doesn’t feel unsafe either despite being a lone night shift worker.

I rarely feel scared of men in modern day Britain, but I frequently feel angry with them, and the patriarchy at large.

Violent attacks on women by strangers do happen, but they're pretty rare, and I refuse to live my life in fear.

It's the more subtle inequities and microaggressions that permeate every facet of our society that make me rage.

I suppose like all women I have moments when I don’t feel safe. If I’m out in the dark and there aren’t many people around and I see a lone man, for instance, I am aware of how vulnerable I am potentially.
Day to day though, it doesn’t cross my mind. It’s not that I’m not aware there are risks and that I’m not aware of how many women are attacked etc but I suppose I’m not worried in the same way I’m not terrified of being mugged every time I go somewhere busy or terrified of being run over when I’m near a road. It’s definitely not comparable to Afghanistan and I think this undermines what the women there are going through.

Women seem to be at most risk in the home from the people that should love them anyway, so some groups are at far more risks than others.

You are not being being unreasonable to have y ur own feelings, but this is far from how I feel.

I was the victim of stalking from a stranger who started following me one day. I share your sentiments regarding the police, the CPS and the witness support - absolutely outstanding care and support offered at every step by every person I dealt with.

While there is still an undeniable problem with male violence internationally, the systems in place to prosecute and charge those who commit violent or sexual assaults have been improved so much.

When reporting the incidents and during the subsequent court process, I was listened to, I was supported, I was believed and when I said I sounded silly reporting the smaller events leading up to the larger one, the police officer looked me dead in the eye, listed aloud the criteria to meet the charge in question, explained my stalker had done every single one and said that he HAS committed a crime, whether I agreed or not. It was very reassuring to have both male and female officers, CPS and witness service supporting me, understanding how I felt and listening to me. The action they took has meant I feel safer from this particular person BUT ALSO has meant I feel more reassured that if I were to need to report something in future (although hopefully this will never be needed), I would be able to and I would be supported.

Do you live with a man, op?

If yes, he is the most dangerous thing/person/man in your life.

I find it somewhat unbelievable that some women don't feel like this. I don't mean crippling anxiety, but low level wariness, always being switched on, that kind of thing.
I don't walk around in fear of rape and murder necessarily, but I've had enough experience with harassing creeps that I will never let my guard down.

I suppose I'm also conscious that men want women to feel scared all the time. There is no fucking way I'm going to give them that satisfaction.

I believe misogyny is actively dangerous and all men are influenced by it to varying degrees, some may be dangerous, yes. The justice system does fail female sexual assault and domestic violence victims and society is not built for women to be truly equal to men

But no, on a day to day basis I don't feel like this. I do make decisions with safety in mind (e.g. not walking through a park at night) but I don't go about my daily life with this level of fear. Comparing it to Afghanistan is frankly offensive

I agree with this post.
I am mindful about my safety, especially at night and if course I adapt my behaviour accordingly. However I also worry about my adult sons safety when they are having a night out. Knife crime bothers me. I am especially on high alert to this because of the number of young lads ( it's always lads) that get referred to the service where I work for carrying knives. Added to the mix they have a lot of anger and are hot headed and impulsive.
One of my sons was attacked in a bar. CCTV proved it was entirely unprovoked, he was just chatting with his mates and two blokes unknown to him started a fight. Other people were also attacked.
Personally, I walk in the mountains in the Lake district and Scotland alone. Probably not the best idea but it's not in fear of being attacked by a man.

I very often drive around Liverpool and Manchester late at night by myself after I've been to HOME or the Everyman or places like that.

I often finish work at 11.00pm or start at 6.00am. I walk, cycle or drive.

I dont live in fear of being around men although some of their self entitlement never fails to astound me!

I suspect a lot of people feel this to some extent. Our group of friends has given up on going into town in the evening. It's quite threatening lately, so many drunken louts of both sexes mostly youngsters, and we're a fairly rural town.

I agree that it’s easy to feel unsafe as a woman at the moment - conviction rates, police responses and behaviours, and the general normalisation of porn is frightening and threatening for women.

On the other hand, I also believe that fear is a useful control tool for those who’d like to manipulate women. The less we use these spaces because of our fears, the more they can say, “Well, you don’t even go there anyway!” and the more we become trapped by sensationalist stories that are peddled for similar reasons.

Over the last few years, I’ve made myself occupy and enjoy these spaces, and, as with most avoidant stuff when you start making yourself do it, it’s nowhere near as bad as you imagine.

Fill yourself with anger, or righteousness, or a demand to exist. Please try not to let fear control you and the life you should be free to live.

I don't feel these things. I know there have been cases of attacks on women which are awful but that doesn't leave me feeling constantly in danger

99.9% of the time I don’t feel unsafe. I probably did more when I was younger and out and about more in the evening/early hours.

I have been date raped but luckily I have no bad effects from it. It was more of a consent issue than a violent act. I do think it’s interesting that when surveyed nearly every woman has had to endure some sort of unwanted sexual attention from an early age. That speaks volumes.

Over the last few years, I’ve made myself occupy and enjoy these spaces, and, as with most avoidant stuff when you start making yourself do it, it’s nowhere near as bad as you imagine
What spaces do you mean@DeidreData .

Good for you? Does that mean I'm wrong?

I think that was aimed at me.

Do you suggest women should not live with a man because there are s few dangerous ones out there? The good ones are good human beings who are as caring as us.

Walking alone at night is the only comment i can relate to, its something i wouldn't do by choice, but ...
as a happily married woman and mother of 2 adult sons ,a sister to a great brother, sister in law to an equally good man, colleague of three kind ,decent men, cousin to a few good men, daughter of my lovely late dad , i feel the need to defend men.
I know how lucky i am to say this, my life is not a disney movie and i'm certainly not naive , i am fully aware of how vile some men can be and of the risks women and girls face daily, but i have to defend good men ,and there are many of them.

I also feel unsafe regularly as a woman, and I limit my life according to that.

Me too.

I work with mostly men too and there is not one of them who scares me.

I speak as someone who's first boyfriend was not a nice person.

And just to mention that while I know that not all men are like that (NAMALT), the vast majority of violence (and all rape) is perpetrated by men.

What is your intention with this statement?

Is it meant to help the OP in any way?

Amend their behaviour? Well I don’t make a habit of standing arguing with people as you seem to do for starters.
I don’t commit crimes or drive in an unsafe manner so I’ve never been asked to get into the back of a police car.
Maybe some of your behaviours are putting you in these situations where you feel unsafe so it’s perhaps you that needs to make changes?